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PINNED!!     ARCHIVALLE   •   MULTIMUSE   •  INDEPENDENT   •  18+

penned by FELIX ( they / he / 22 ) ; RULES, MUSE LIST, INTEREST CHECKER . . .

            “ Jakurai, ”

    SNAPPED LIKE LEAVES ‘NEATH BOOTS, ( RED EYED, EVERY BREATH A HICCUP BETWEEN STOLEN WORDS ) Hifumi, Hifumin, HE ( for everything he is still now, guts spilt on the stage ) bent - knee and desperate. HE’S ON HIS KNEES NOW, TOO, IN FRONT OF JAKURAI who sits calmly in his chair, staring down at his small form as it trembles like a fucking glacier splitting away from it’s mass.

    Me, MYSELF, I, I, I, I, I, I DON’T WANT TO TELL YOU —

    LIKE HE THOUGHT HE COULD KEEP IT SEPARETE, how he compartmentalises his reactions ( KITTEN, KILLING, CAUGHT, COFFIN ) into separate sections of his mind, hands clasped TIGHT around each word chosen perfect per persona; LIKE SACCHARINE SWEET, fizzing on his tongue like champagne — but it’s cheap and tastes like sick now, back up through his throat as his arms curl into themselves pulled tight around his shaking form. The suit crinkles.

    Like chipped armour; what could it protect?

    HE FUCKED IT UP, HE FUCKED IT UP, is he going to kick him out? Make him leave? Could he stand to lose another place he belonged? — COULD HE STOMACH OPENING UP LIKE THAT? 

He was tethered to the prosaic, a life utterly unlike hifumis. He was lead through this life as if it were the gallows, a noose wound to a vice around a pale throat, his eyes sunken and tired.  even when freedom was dangled before him - some sort of pendulous compensation - it would be torn away almost as abruptly - it were as if it had became customary. In dismay he shakes his head ,  heart sinking at the prospect of letting hifumi down “ … as much as you ask .. i can’t..”  he wants to, the look in his eyes makes that all too obvious. “If the boss calls me in i have to be available … if im not…” he trails off into something indistinct, something bleeding trepidation.  “ … i’ve let you down… i’ll let them down … i’ll…”

HE’S CATERWAULING TO THE INEVITABLE DECLINE Doppo too often gets all roped up in — Hifumi reaches up to take one of his hands and squeeze it gently with his own, now pressed up against Doppo’s side ( thighs together,  an arm around him ) Hifumi only smile ear to ear, tilting his head to the side, closing his eyes all full of mirth.  

( There’s a look of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it worry, but it never lingers long enough to be noticed. )