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@arcanecreature
I think one of the hardest things I’m struggling to accept is that Liam will never get a happy ending. There is no silver lining here. It’s just tragedy all the way around. I know his fans and those that are part of the bigger 1D fandom will remember him kindly, but for a lot of people his name will be tied to the lowest point in his life and the unfairness of that kills me.
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Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.
I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.
zayn saved the band by leaving.
let's be honest. he took the hit when he left. he lost so many of his fans then. but you know what he did?
he showed the boys that there was life after one direction.
he showed them that the hell they were enduring was escapable. that they could make it out and still sing and write songs and be happy.
if they'd really been as happy as they seemed to us, they would've come back after the hiatus. they promised us 18 months. its been 9 years.
im sure they loved us with all their hearts. that they enjoyed their time together as a band, as brothers. however, they were exploited and taken advantage of every step of the way.
now, liam's passing is the fucking culmination of the hell they endured. you can't argue with me that the liam of 2011 was SO SO FULL OF LIFE. he had so much promise. you just knew this boy was gonna go places.
but somehow, along the way, his light dimmed. that wasn't the liam we knew. we all subconsiously could see it. that liam hurt so much that he hurt a lot of people. that liam could've done better. that liam should've been given the chance to make amends.
but the young boy that was so full of life, he didnt deserve any of this. he deserved to have been kept safe and away from the shit that could destroy him.
the boys should have been protected and maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't have to endure this devastating loss. maybe, just maybe, liam would still be alive.
i'd take an unending hiatus over this loss any day.
"it didn't affect me" *writes poetry*
i was not made for hookup culture, i was made for the most soul crushing experience ever. i was born to feel everything entirely and endlessly. i was made to feel everything deeply
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@spacebydan
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calming ♡ x
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit
palais garnier, paris.
Hua Xi, from "Night Drive Through My Own Life"
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