Arcane Autism

Change means to trust in life. change means to not think logically, but to see what happens and not to think about a past experience desperately trying to come up with an outcome or trying to again desperately predict the outcome.

Change means not showing the people around you how actually scared you are for change. Change means trying to be okay with it, to accept it. knowing that the world doesn't ever exist out of routines. changes happen all the time

Change is being inspired by nature, plants grow regardless of their environment, During bad or good days, they keep on growing, not in one giant step, but small steps.change is believing that you can also take those small steps and be okay with change. 

Change feels like a sudden wave of water that now feels evil, while once it was a friend, you needed it, and now it startled you, unsure if its still a friend or not.

Change feels like having an invisible problem, one that isn’t even worth having. Change feels like crying out of frustration, letting it all out, writing about it, thinking about it then finding thoughts that make the change softer, easier to deal with, 

Change feels like having to prove yourself over again even if you dont care about what others might think. Change feels like having to repeat that it is all fine, it is all okay whatever happens, it will be fine.

Change is needing a hug, some nice genuinely loving kind words, a few seconds of eyecontact with one of your favourite human

It’s difficult to explain your obessions right? 

It’s difficult to explain why you get tired after just 2-3 hours of socializing right?

It’s difficult to explain why making decisions takes so long right?

It’s  difficult to explain your sensitivities, the noise around you, people walking by, the light, the jokes that make you feel uncomfortable?

It’s difficult to explain why your overthinking is actually just you thinking right?

It’s difficult to explain your needs and wants to your friends, or your parents saying that they shouldn’t click their pen, shake their leg, shouldn’t be too close right?

It’s difficult to explain why you can’t relax and stop obsessing analysing people right?

It’s difficult to explain your wordfinding difficulties or the reason why you’re talking too fast right?

It’s difficult estimating if you’re friends or not, if you’re friends enough to go up and talk to someone right?

It’s difficult not to obsess about something you like and then after a few months find another obsession wondering if you will ever find your calling right?

It’s difficult to explain why you feel so down and tired and keep focusing on the negatives even after a pretty good day, your obsessive mind keeps reminding you of the little details people dont even remember you doing or saying it right?

It’s difficult to be in this world where ‘’other’’ people seems to know it all, seems to have it all. Nice group of friends, amazing socialising skills where it seems so easy to come up with new stuff to talk about right?