Skwerl

Today I had the realization that I struggle to view myself In happy moments. Succeeding. Being okay. My biggest goal in life is to reach Happiness/Contentment but I can’t even visualize that for me.

I show myself I’m capable of doing hard things every week and refuse to believe it’s me that did it. I overcome challenges thrown my way and adapt. When I’m left to my own devices, however, I feel completely disconnected from that person. I feel like it wasn’t me?? Fully can’t realize that I am a functional human being.

Emotionally I feel left behind and saddened because I am always prioritizing the people I love most in my life.

I know that if my behavior changed and I stopped reaching out they just wouldn’t notice nor care.

I know I matter to these people but I don’t think they know how much they matter to me. I notice the changes in them but why don’t people notice the changes in me. It sometimes reinforces the reoccurring thoughts in my head that people would be better without me. That I’m not worth certain things.