Aramis Gagne

Kit turned off the sink faucet and dried his hands. Turning around in Aramis’s arms, he looked at his boyfriend’s face. He felt weary and a little bit sad that his mind was playing tricks on him, and that it had made him question Aramis even for a second. He was sad Aramis still felt scared he would leave. “I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I’ll do better.” He wished they could just feel happy and secure.

“Too afraid? Even now? He goes out on his own and goes to work though, doesn’t he? He goes to therapy. Plan your sessions when he’s having his or when he’s at work. Or when he’s out with a friend.” Wendy shrugged her shoulders. “But I’ve given my advise and you’ll do as you please.” 

Yes, even now, he thought to himself. Aramis kept his phone on him at all times, always on edge whenever they were both at work or apart for whatever reason. If something happened and he was in therapy, well... he couldn’t let that happen. “I’ll manage. I’ve got him. And nothing will happen to him again if I can help it...”

Kit shook his head, not minding Aramis wrapping himself around him at all though. “You didn’t really snap. It’s okay. I’m really fine. I’m not upset at all,” he assured Aramis. He turned on the sink’s faucet and started doing the dishes as Aramis held onto him. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I don’t trust you. I do.” 

But you shouldn’t.... Aramis thought to himself. He was making Kit feel crazy when he was absolutely right. It made him feel sick to his stomach.

“I know you do,” Aramis replied softly, pressing his lips to the back of Kit’s neck. “I just... I love you. I really fucking love you. I’m terrified I'll lose you...”

Wendy shrugged. “You don’t see how being in a better mental space yourself might help your partner when he’s in need of your help? I can’t imagine what either of you have gone through, but I imagine if I were in Kit’s position, I’d feel much more peaceful knowing that you were being cared for as well. You’d want the same for him if the positions were reversed, no? Forty-five minutes a week is all it takes.” 

“I’d be too worried to leave him alone for those forty-five minutes,” Aramis admitted. “I wasn’t sure he was going to make it at first, Wendy, he was so out of it. God forbid anything like that happens again... I couldn’t take it.”

Kit looked at Aramis, surprised that he’d been followed. “I’m not upset. Really, I’m not. I feel a little stupid. That’s all,” he replied, setting his bowl aside so he could wrap up his leftovers for later. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought anything up. I should have known that it’s my own head making me worry about crazy things. I’ll talk to my therapist about it this week. I’ll get over it.” 

Guilt twisted in the pit of Aramis’s stomach knowing full well he was lying to Kit. He slid his arms around his boyfriend from behind and pressed his lips to the sub’s neck. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything. I’m sorry I snapped - I shouldn’t have. You didn’t do anything wrong...”

Wendy shook her head. “Don’t you think speaking with a therapist would make you better equipped to take care of your partner? He might benefit from your going to therapy as much as you do.”

“I don’t know... I don’t see how. Not right now anyway,” Aramis replied, stubborn on giving in. “He needs all the support right now. And once he gets to a better place, then we can look at other things..”

Kit nodded his head. “Okay, I’m sorry. I trust you,” he said, hearing the firmness in Aramis’s tone. He wouldn’t bring it up again, knowing that his experiences in the past year were likely just making him feel insecure. It wasn’t something that he liked about himself, being unable to be sure what was a real threat and what was just his own silly fears. Looking at his bowl, he hummed. “Mm…I’m kind of not hungry. I’ll get started on the dishes while you finish up, yeah?” But instead of waiting for Aramis’s response, he kissed the dominant’s cheek and got up, taking his own bowl with him to the kitchen to start on the dishes. Everything is fine, he repeated Aramis’s words in his head as he did so.

Aramis sighed; Kit was clearly upset even if he would staunchly pretend otherwise. He got up and followed his boyfriend, not ready to leave the conversation where it stood. “Hey, don’t do that...” he said, his voice soft. “You’re upset. Why are you upset?” he pressed. 

Wendy shook her head. “That’s not cheesy. It’s fair, especially after everything that’s happened.” She knew if anything had ever happened to Katarin, she’d be a wreck. “Nothing is going to happen to him again. I know if you thought he was in danger again, you’d be sure to tell Katarin and prevent it.” She reached out to place a hand on his shoulder very gently. “Have you…seen a therapist at all? You don’t have to tell me. It’s just that you should really have someone you can speak to about all this. You need to process too.” 

Aramis looked at Wendy, clearly confused by the suggestion. “No.. I don’t think that’s necessary,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’m processing everything fine, really. I just have to make sure Kit is okay, and then I’ll be okay.” The idea of therapy for himself was far too exhausting - there were years and years to peel back and not enough time in the world. 

It was everything Kit wanted, being pulled in close, feeling warm in Aramis’s arms, and being told that everything was okay. Even if he wasn’t sure it was true, hearing it helped. He had to trust Aramis. After everything that had happened, he needed at least that. “If something was wrong though…” he started, tightening his hold on Aramis. “You could tell me. I won’t fall to pieces or anything like that. I just love you and want you to be safe and okay.” 

Aramis sighed, not sure if he was incredibly unconvincing or if Kit was extremely paranoid. “Nothing is wrong,” he said again, a bit firmer with his tone. He didn’t want to keep rehashing this conversation multiple times and keep lying to Kit. “You don’t have to worry so much,” he added, voice softening again. “Everything is fine, baby.”

Wendy considered Aramis’s response. “I might be speaking on something I know nothing about. I can’t pretend to understand what either of you have been through. But you can’t live every second of your life for him. That’s not good for either of you. Get out, get involved. It’ll probably make him happier too.” She gave Aramis a sympathetic smile. “I just know if my partner was putting their life on hold for my wellbeing, I’d feel a lot of pressure and guilt for that.” 

“My life isn’t on hold though.” Aramis replied, shaking his head. “I know it’s cheesy as fuck, but he’s everything to me. And if something happened to him again - I’d go crazy, Wendy. I can’t let anything happen to him again...” The guilt and shame he felt from getting him hurt in the first place was so overpowering at times.

Kit looked down at Aramis’s hand on his and focused on how warm it felt. “I guess that’s a good question for a trainer then. I think I’m okay with a dog in the bed or on the couch, unless it’s not good for a service dog to do that,” he replied. Smiling, he nodded his head. “Yeah, it’ll be good right? If we can find a shelter dog, that’d be perfect.” He scooted his chair closer to Aramis’s so he hug his dominant tightly. “Everything’s good, right? We’re okay?” he asked, voice still light. Their earlier conversation was still not too far from his mind, but it wasn’t unusual for him to ask little questions like this either. It was almost like a little reset button in Kit’s mind. 

Aramis instantly wrapped his arm around Kit, bringing the submissive in closer. He pressed his lips to the top of his boyfriend’s head, wondering what exactly had spurred this worry in him. What exactly had the queen told him? Next time he saw her, if there was a next time, he’d be sure to tell her to leave his sub out of this.

“Yes, baby, of course,” Aramis assured Kit. He ran his fingers gently through the sub’s hair, hoping his boyfriend couldn’t hear the way his heart sped up. Lying to Kit made him feel sick to his stomach.

Wendy sighed. “I know my advise is unsolicited, but I’ll say this. You have an opportunity to be a real part of Nantes. Whether it’s because of Kit or otherwise. I’d take that opportunity if I were you. No ulterior motives or plots. People will eventually let go of their anger if they haven’t already. Anger is tiring.” She shook her head. “Nobody doubts that you love him. I imagine things would have been a lot less complicated on your end if you didn’t.” 

Aramis looked away from Wendy, nodding his head as she spoke. He knew he shouldn’t throw away this opportunity lightly. There was still some good he could do for Nantes. “It’s good advice. I promise - once Kit is stable and I can do more away from him, I’ll do my part for Nantes. For real this time.”

Kit nodded, smiling. “Yeah, I think that’d be good. The guy I talked to said he could get us in touch with trainers for the service dog training. I think a younger dog would probably be best for training, but I’m not sure.” He really didn’t know anything about owning a pet. “Oh, do you think they shouldn’t? If not we’ll have to have something comfortable for them, right?” They’d have to buy all kinds of things for their future dog. “I just hope we find a dog that…” likes me… “fits in with us. Rory and Jadon’s dogs are really good dogs.” He was sure a dog like Jupiter or Pilot could help him when he was feeling anxious.

Aramis reached across the table and placed his hand on top of Kit’s. He could tell the sub’s mind was starting to run a thousand miles an hour. “I don’t think anything, babe... I just think we should decide if we want a big fluff ball in bed with us every night or not. That’s all.” He let his thumb slowly run across the back of Kit’s hand. “We’ll find a good dog. There’s plenty out there... we can really give one a good home, you know?”

“I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for you either,” Wendy said, wanting to make it clear that she genuinely cared about what his experience had been as well. With what happened to Kit, the fallout with Katarin, the isolation from the rest of the house, Wendy thought it must have been an incredibly lonely time for him. “I’m glad he’s recovering.” 

Wendy shook her head. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Aramis. I won’t lie. I was very mad at you. But I know you’re taking care of him. I know Katarin would actually have you removed from the country if you weren’t.” 

Aramis shrugged; he really didn’t care about how hard things had been on him. No matter what, Kit came first to him. 

“I know... Everyone should be mad at me. I know she allowed me to stay for Kit’s sake and his sake alone. I won’t let her down in that regard,” he promised, meaning everything he said. “I do love him. If no one can trust anything else about me, they can trust that.”

Kit shrugged his shoulders. “A week ago maybe? I just ran into her and it came to mind. I thought it might mean something to her.” He’d been thinking about it on and off for some time, trying to convince himself it was nothing. Because it probably it was. But maybe it wasn’t. It probably was. 

Kit tried to shake off his concern about it and focus on the changed of subject, giving Aramis a smile. “Well, I think it probably shouldn’t be too big since we don’t have a yard. But maybe a medium sized dog? I guess it depends on what’s at the shelter. What do you think? Do you have a breed that you like?” 

Aramis shook his head. “I don’t really care about the breed. Just as long as it’s healthy and relatively young. Maybe slightly athletic so we can walk it often.” The more he could get Kit out of the house, the better he believed his boyfriend would get. “We should probably also decide whether or not the dog gets on the furniture or not.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Kit said, shrugging his shoulders. “I told Katarin about it, and she thought it sounded weird too.” He wasn’t hiding anything from the duchess this time. “I’m probably just being paranoid though.” It certainly would make sense after everything that had happened. 

He took another bite of his food, humming in thought before changing the subject. It wouldn’t help to dwell on his worries “Mm…I ran into someone who works at an animal shelter recently. He said shelter dogs could become service dogs. I was thinking maybe…maybe we could go and just look?”

Oh great. Aramis knew he couldn’t be angry with Kit for talking to Katarin about it; it was the right thing to do after all. But he didn’t need anymore targets on his back, especially before he could figure out exactly what Georgette wanted.

“When did you talk to her about it...?” Aramis asked, wondering just how long ago it’d been. It’d happened at New Year’s - why was he waiting until now to talk about it?

Kit did change the subject, which he was thankful for. It was hard lying to his boyfriend about this - but he wanted to protect him for a little while longer. “Yeah, absolutely,” he agreed, offering the sub a smile. “What kind do we want to think about?”