this is an extremely good joke format
I wish I knew how to play chess
I needed this.
I understand chess and oh my god can this be a meme format? Cause there are so many possible combinations here
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this is an extremely good joke format
I wish I knew how to play chess
I needed this.
I understand chess and oh my god can this be a meme format? Cause there are so many possible combinations here

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Dp x dc prompt
So this starts with Danny becoming the ghost king on his 18th birthday and almost immediately ďżźevery power-hungry ghost in existence ďżźstarts proposing to him. At first he just ignores it but after the 10th time someone tries to kidnap him to marry him Greek god style, heâs fucking sick of it and goes to Clockwork for help.
Heâs not much help. The only way for other people to stop trying to marry him is if heâs already married. Whatâs more, because heâs the king of the infinite realms, it has to be someone thatâs considered ďżźa citizen of the Infinite Realms. (Like he can marry someone thatâs still alive but they wouldnât count and people will just keep trying to marry him) CW also warns him that people will try and kill anyone he marries if they can so a living person isnât really ideal. The only bit of real helpfulness he does provide is a list of non-evil non-power-hungry citizens so he can have an easier time finding someone.
So Danny takes the list and starts crossing of names (like Johnny, even tho the guy wonât abuse the power of being the ghost princess, kitty would kill Danny for good this time) when he comes across the perfect ďżźcandidate.
Jason Todd (Robin/Red Hood)
Heâs been to Gotham before, knows the Robins all do good work and knows the Red Hood is already a good and fair ruler of his criminal underground. Plus the guy could definitely fight off any ghost trying to kill him even without the power boost and some helpful weapons Danny would give him if he agrees. Plus he has the perfect bargaining ďżźchip to get the guy to help by offering to fix the corrupted ďżźectoplasm in him (not that he wasnât gonna do that anyway when he had the time to but Hood didnât need to know that)
So Danny hops over to Gotham and after quickly getting permission from Lady Gotham (sheâs very protective of her Knights) heads over to crime ally and pitches the idea to Red Hood.
Which basically goes like-
Danny: so I give u, the title of prince, access to the Infinite Realms ďżźwhenever u wish, a sweet private wing in my castle, any of the op ghost weapons in the castles armoury and a fix for ur rage problems and u marry me so I stop getting people trying to propose to me in increasingly ďżźmore annoying ways :)
Jason, a literature ďżźgeek with a secret desire to be the protagonist in a shitty YA romance: u had me at Prince
So the two of then jump over to the Infinite Realms to get married thinking itâll take 30 minutes top only to learn that CW left out that a Royal wedding has to take at minimum a week otherwise no one will consider the Marriage valid. So the two, not backing out at this point, join in on the week of parties and celebrations without putting much more thought into it.
Meanwhile back in Gotham, after not having Red Hood check in after his patrolďżź, Oracle searches CCTV and finds Jason having a conversation with a figure that is glitching out the camera to much to identify them, then the figure seemingly grabs Jason and drags him into a portal and the two of them disappear.
So obviously the Batfam comes to the conclusion that Jason was kidnapped by some sort of magical being and calls in John. He identify the magic as that of the ghost kingâs and has been hearing that the king had been looking for a bride so comes to the conclusion that Jason has been kidnapped Persephone style to be be married and is under the (wrong) conclusion that it will mean Jason canât leave the realm of the death after.
And so the Batfam + Constantine start planing to crash a wedding.
Bruce had finally managed to get all the materials needed for the spell to save Jason. Constantine had dug up a spell that would get them to the Infinite Realms. They had no idea what they would be walking into. But that was his son!
It had taken nearly a full week to get the necessary items. And by this point Bruce had to admit he may be ... Fretting. But they were close! Everyone was as well rested as they could be. Fully suited up. And ready to go save Jason.
Meanwhile. Danny and Jason found they actually got on really well? Like. This was definitely a marriage of convenience. But, well. They were definitely gaining at least friendship out of this. It was going great. Jason had gotten to meet so many amazing beings!
Pandora was amazing! The original Amazon! What was not to love! Ghost Writer! His library was amazing! And, he offered to let Jason visit as he pleased! Clockwork was odd. But he was a time god. That was pretty much to be expected. And Frostbite had completed cured the pits. No more rage!
And then their was his husband to bed fraid. Sam and Tucker were hilarious. And Ellie was a riot. He wanted to set her on Dickie bird sometimes. See what happened. Jazz was kind. And she approved of the match. Which, thank fuck!
And, today was the last day. Soon they would be officially married. And he would be a Prince. Which! Fuck yes. And he got to meet Lady Gotham. The spirit who had been helping him all these years. She formally titled him even before the wedding apparently. He had been knighted by her for years. Which was mind boggling.
Jason was loving his wedding suit. It was extremely comfortable. But also well armoured. And easy to move in. A perfect warrior wedding outfit. They chose red for it. In various shades. With a symbol Lady Gotham gifted him. To signify his status as a knight of Gotham.
He was kinda, a little, hoping something dramatic happened. Like, this was already so ridiculously cliche. And now, during the final moments. thematically, someone should do a love confession, or rush to destroy the wedding for evil plot reasons right? That would just be amazing! Him and Danny could kick ass together. Say their I dos. And just. Perfection!
Danny knew he was grinning a lot these last few days. But his new fraid mate was kaput fun! And generous be married to him soon! Jason was great to talk to! And he knew he wouldn't have to protect him! Best husband to be ever! They got on so well!
His wedding outfit was a bit too formal for his tastes. But he let the others design it. Easier not to argue. At least it wasn't white. He argued for blue. And got blue. And he could move properly. Which was another bonus. And the nerves were starting to hit. He would be married in less than an hour. Ooft. At least he got on with Jason?
As the wedding ceremony started there was a sudden ruckus outside. A fight was starting. Jason and Danny shared an amused glance. Of course. It wouldn't be a royal wedding without a problem right?
Only, when the attackers got into the hall, Jason could only feel shocked. What the fuck was his family doing here?
Batman had fought his way to the doors. And was breathing hard. This place made little sense. But the compass Constantine made was pointing to those doors. So he would go through those doors! He slammed the doors opened.
"I object! I do NOT give you permission to wed my son!"
Jason just couldn't stop it. He had to laugh. He started to laugh so hard Danny had to hold him up. As he giggled as well. Jason just looked over trying to stop laughing.
" how the fuck did you ever get here B? And why do you think you have a say? "
Danny just grinned and waved.
"Sorry Batman. Last Gotham agreed. No take backs! You should take a seat though."
Batman was confused. Why was Jason going along with this?
"What did you do to my son!"
Danny just grinned and shook his head fondly.
" We'll talk after ok. Just be glad Clockwork let you in on time for the ceremony. "
Lady Gotham grabbed Batman and sat him next to her.
"Sorry not my knight. Our boy is entirely willing. King Phantom asked before he even brought him to the Realms. It is a good match. Calm yourself."
She held him still and silent with her shadows. Her knight would be angry for now. But he would understand in time. And he could hardly miss the fact that the boys did get on well. Entirely naturally.
The wedding was soon concluded and once Jason and Danny could get away they headed to where Lady Gotham was holding Batman. Jason leaned on for a quick hug from her and shook his head.
"Lady Gotham. You can let him go now you know."
Lady Gotham just poured at her young knight.
"Only just Prince Consort and already giving orders. I see how it is!"
Jason leaned into her side playfully.
" Mama G. Please? "
Danny was no help snickering behind them. But he did shake his head.
"My Lady. Please release my Father in law before he has an aneurysm?"
Lady Gotham pretended to pour but did let her knight free.
"You should listen my knight. They chose freely"
Jason nodded.
"Yeah. Danny was getting constant offers from power hungry morons. Only way to avoid it was to already be married. But. He couldn't choose uh, anyone 1 00% alive. "
Danny hugged Jason from behind and leaned his head on Jason's shoulder.,
"As a Revenant Jason has the necessary credentials so to speak. As one of Lady Gotham's knights he has status. It's a marriage of convenience. Jason gets full access to the Realms. As many weapons from the armoury as he wants. "
Jason laughed again.
"Don't forget, access to medical. They cured the pit rage. And, I'm a Prince Consort now."
Lady Gotham grinned at the boys.
" my knight, I think we both know that as soon as the deal was offered Jason took it freely. A chance to live out one of his stories yes?"
Bruce just sighed.
"And you couldn't have told us? Do you know how worried we were! "
Jason raised an eyebrow at him in question.
"About that. How'd you even find me?"
Bruce glared at his son. The brat had him running ragged for a week.
" We saw you dragged into a portal!"
That was when Danny had a thought. And started to giggle.
"Oh! Oh no! I think! Clocky! He intefered! To make it more fairy tale! For you! "
Jason thought it over... He would as well.
"That would explain the perfect timing...."
He reached out a hand to Bruce.
" come on B. We have a first dance to do. You should at least enjoy the party. Where are the rest? "
Bruce grumbled a little. Rammed brats the lot of them.
Danny grinned and bounced a little.
"So. Fright Knight got them all. He'd put them in the dungeon. I asked him to bring them to the ballroom."
Jason just smiled fondly.
"Thanks dude! At least we have human safe food cause of your sister."
Batman: But you can't come home?
Danny and Jason share a glance and crack up at that. Danny is floating from how hard he laughed, and Jason is leaning on a wall.
Danny: Oh! Man, who told you that? Cause he doesn't have to stay here!
Batman: hm?
Jason: Nah. No. Use your big boy words.
Batman: Hm?
Danny: Don't speak mumble sorry!
Batman: Constantine. Said Jason wouldn't be able to leave.
Danny: Well, if he was just some random human no. Because I'd have to protect them 24/7. But Jason is a Revenant. He can come and go as he pleases.
Jason: Aww, they thought you were playing Hades!
Danny: Hades is a fucking simp. I mean, Persephone is worth it. But ooft. But then thinking I would do a Hades? Pretty big compliment for you my Persephone!
Jason blushed slightly and punched Danny in the arm.
Jason: Wait. You know them?I
Danny: Yeah. They are here. Wanna go meet them?
Jason: Best Visa husband ever!
it's their nickname for each other now: my misterPersephone and Best husband visa
Hdes and Persephone are incredibly smug about being relationship goals. Like, yes we are the best example to follow thankyou!
Jason is overwhelmed by all the historical and mythological figures he is getting to meet due to his husband
He gets to meet Pandora? And Hades? And Persephone? Queen Dorathea is a what now? Host Writer has all the books? And I get to see unpublished works from my favourite recency authors? And ones they wrote in the Realms?
sorry Bruce, I'm going on a honeymoon. Yes, I am planning to stay with my new husband for a while. No I don't know how long it will be. I'll call you when I reach Gotham.
Bruce is pissed. He thought this was a green card wedding! Why is this King Phantom doing his level best to continue seducing his son!
Danny: I did absolutely nothing, he is in love with the residents of the ghost zone. It's not my fault the earth is mega racist/speciesist. If you were more welcoming perhaps his ghosts would still regularly visit the earth. You even have laws that make our biology illegal! So your fault, not mine .
Danny: With the anti Ecto acts still running, and the GIW around Jason will be far safer here anyway!
Bruce: What anti Ecto acts!?
Danny: The ones saying me and Jason are non salient threats to be eradicated with extreme prejudice!
And now, well no Bruce has a new objective. To see if those acts are real. And in the mean time, he supposed Jason can stay here. Just in case.
And hoo boy. Batman when he finds the acts? He is going to go on a rampage so he can go back to Phantom. And be like, here. Fixed it! Give me back my son!?!?
Only to find them making out like teens on the beach. Sorry Bruce. Jason took one look at what he could get and decided this was going to be a proper marriage. He is not wasting his chance at all this.
But on the plus side. Now the laws are him a Danny is more than happy to split his time and live in Gotham with his hubby. Bruce will just have to deal with having eldritch royalty as a son in law.
Alfred is of course delighted! And asks if Danny has any other nobles he could throw at his grandchildren. Only the best for his grandchildren! And frankly High King of the Infinite Realms? Definitely good enough.
Alfred and Lady Gotham drink tea together as they watch the "drama" unfold. They are so proud of Jason. From street rat to co-king of an entire dimension. big sacred social assent.
Meanwhile, Crime Alley is relieved to see that his vigilante/mafia boss is fine, more than fine, they're still a little split on the twink he brought home. But the boss looks radiant with him so he leaves well
Imagine his second In command wandering up.
"Uh boss? Who's the twink? "
Jason just grins, really soft and happy.
"My husband! Ain't he sweet?"
2 IC is now confused.
"Didn't know you was dating boss?"
Jason " Oh I wasn't! It was entirely political. He was sick of power hungry assholes trying to force him to marry them. So he asked me. Cause he knows I can look after myself. "
2 IC is now even more confused.
"Boss? Why do you look like you're over the moon happy then? If it's just political?"
Danny leans over and winks.
" I seduced him with my massive library and access to swanky weapons! "
'I suduced him with my massive library and access to swanky weapon's I guarantee you that any one who over heard that took that as a euphemism for a dick joke and blushes hella hard cause they don't wanna hear how red hood's love life is behinde closed doors that's like hearing about your older siblings love life
Danny sees them blush. Thinks over what he just said. Pauses and leans into it. Fuck it. He's adding a dramatic eyebrow wiggle to see what happens.
What happens is that it becomes the common euphemism among Hood's crew, then among all henchpeople, then all Crime Alley; slowly but surely spreading until it is the euphemism for Gothamites everywhere.
No one really knows where it came from or why it spread. People outside of Gotham just shake their heads about it, like they do with everything else Gothamites do strange.
Eventually, it becomes popular enough that there are big academic theories and debates about the origin of this phrase.
Popular enough to be studied in Gotham University courses about the linguistics of modern slang.
Just in time for one of Jason's siblings to start school.
Damian having that class. And having a moment of horror. Wait. Isn't that what his brother in law says all the time. To Todd? Oh. Oh gross. Now he gets why the others look queasy when Danny asks if Jason wants to spend time in the library. Ew. He thought they were being literal.
(No one told Damian because he is the baby. And after a certain age? It was just funny to watch him be mildly confused.)
In fairness, Danny actually is always being literal with it.
Every time he has to go back to the Realms for King stuff, he stops by and asks Jason if he wants to visit the Library or see what's new in the Armory.
It's not his fault everyone else assumes Danny and Jason are just shameless about their bedroom activities.
Actually, that's the joke for them. Getting to see everyone else react based on their assumptions about Danny's totally honest and innocent explanation.
Jason's favorite is when Danny catches him with Bruce. The old man's face is priceless every single time.
They will never explain the joke. Evan If the others come back as ghosts. It would ruin their fun. Also, I can imagine so many ways for them to make it worse.
ghosts have the natural ability to change their form in various ways. Not complete shapeshifting maybe. But, stretching? Changing the size and shape? Yup, those they can do.
Danny: Hey my Persephone. Wanna head to the Realms? I've expanded the library again! Wanna check if it's to your liking?
Nat heard that. And... No! We did NOT need to know that! Why would you! My ears! Why!!!!!!
Jason: Hey. I hear the armoury has some sweet new toys. Can I l go play?
Danny: Sure thing!
Lalalalalalala! Sibling in the room! They didn't need to know you'd moved on to experimenting! Damian! Leave the room! Save yourself!
Just wait until they start throwing other ghosts in.
Danny: Oh my Persephone! Are you busy? Fright Knight and Pandora said they had some new toys for the Armory they want to teach us how to use.
Tim: *Misses a grapple jump physically flinching hearing that over Hood's comm line.* Why?!?!
Jason: Hello my Best Visa Husband. Think Ghost Writer is available to visit the Library today?
Steph: Ahhhhhhhhhh! This is worse than when Bruce forgets to cut his comm when Selina is out.
Damian (still 10): I do not understand why you are all so adverse to Todd's hobbies and friendships.
Danny and Jason are having the BEST time with this. The look of sheer horror on Bruce's face? Is worth it every time. And getting to answer perfectly honest to Damian when he asks? Causes horror.
Damian: Todd. Were the new weapons in the armoury suitable?
Jason: They were downright perfect! And with how old Fright Knight and Pandora are? They've had SO much practise! I have learned so many new things!
Dick (crying, screaming, throwing up. SO glad Damian doesn't understand this.)
Letâs be honest, Cass 100% knows what theyâre up to. Does she tell anyone? Absolutely not. Does she play along? Absolutely yes.
Cass: have fun?
Jason, sweaty and disheveled and beaming after sparring with Pandora: yeah! It was great, got to play with some new toys and everything!
Cass: âşď¸
Batfam: đąđ¤˘
Batfam: Cass why
Also hilarious if we run with Damian completely missing the innuendo and asking to see the armory. Que not-my-babyâs-virtue-panic from Dick. Even better if he finds out after the fact and Dami is just like âTodd took me to the armory to see his new âtoysâ and demonstrated their use. Fenton even allowed me to try some myself.â
And Dick would just explode in righteous big brother anger because Jason and Danny did WHAT.
Damian of course does not understand the problem. Itâs not any different from what they do in the cave???? Why are you make such a fuss, Richard?
This route of course likely means that the âtruthâ comes out because Dick would probably kill Jason again if what he thought was happening was actually happening.
But then Jason and Danny can be innocently confused because ?????? They never lied??? There is an actual library and armory with actual books and weapons???? They never said anything about sex??? Thatâs on you guys. Youâre the ones who decided all that junk was true, donât try to pin that on them.
Dami, decidedly unimpressed with the lot of them: And you call yourselves detectives. Disgusting.
"Why does Batman need to be a billionaire?"
"He has to fund the Justice League. They often have a space program."
"But couldn't he do more good if he just invested-"
"The Earth is routinely invaded by aliens, gods, and the forces of an extraterrestrial god of tyranny."
He has, like, three charitable organizations he funds, named after his father, his mother, and Alfred.
Between both Bruce and Batmanâs contributions, Gotham should be a better city than it is, and the only reason it isnât is DC Editorial Mandate that basically says Gotham has to get worse and worse and worse or thereâs no Batman stories they can tell (and, obviously, they have no other characters besides Batman).
Thereâs a reason Batman thinks the city is literally cursed.
I want to see Bruce Wayne go off
"Oh, oh, just charity my way out of dealing with the Penguin, a living, breathing 19th century Marxist's cartoon of the bourgeoisie? Just fund anti-Clayface measures? Crack down on corporations who put out shapeshifting cosmetics? What socio-economic pressures turn botonists into actual fucking dryads?! What inspires anti-animal terrorism? THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL KIND OF ECO-FASCISM!"
For the record, Gotham is canonically curse, because it sits on some sort of evil swamp. I think.
There are like, half a dozen curses. The Lazarus Pits are leaching into the water, Slaughter Swamp is an unconnected body of water a few miles outside of the city that also ressurects people (see Solomon Grundy), the Bat-demon Barbatos and his followers (the Court of Owls) have been fucking up the city psychically and financially, the malevolent influence of the warlock Doctor Gotham's tomb in the center of the city, the madness hypersigil of Amadeus Arkham (in Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth), there were several outposts of subterraneans and aliens beneath the city during the Silver Age, constant chemical warfare that makes it the equivalent of a WWI trench managed by MK-ULTRA, it's in New Jersey, and I think God just hates it
tired: Batman could do more good by running charities than by fighting criminals
wired: Batman could save literally every other city on the planet simultaneously with the amount of effort and resources heâs pumped into Gotham, which is a lost cause, but this is his city damnit.
Inspired: Batmanâs diligence is containing the menace that is Gothamâs madness from escaping too far from city limits.
For all his billions, for all his activity, for all his efforts, Gotham is a bonfire fed by the madness of mortal people, cultivated by dark powers and just existing there makes living souls like kindling for it. And left to its own devices,itâd become a breeding ground for supernatural unrest that no mere social service system or social awareness of activist campaign, no government program, no actions of a singular vigilante, could ever hope to undo.
Batman is single handedly if need be but fortunately not alone so often, holding back the noxious psychic influences of warp and wyrd entities and what they do to the very environment and landscape through the power of sheer, unbridled humanity.
Ascended: Gotham is containing Batman, because the forces of evil, consciously or not, have figured out that if let loose, this motherfucker and his sprawling adoptive family would've solved every crime in the world ever, so they throw literally everything they have at his home town in hopes that he stays there.
Because they were foolish and let Alan Scott escape. They arenât making that mistake again.
Did I daydream this, or was there a website for writers with like. A ridiculous quantity of descriptive aid. Like I remember clicking on " inside a cinema " or something like that. Then, BAM. Here's a list of smell and sounds. I can't remember it for the life of me, but if someone else can, help a bitch out <3
I FOUND IT BITCHES
This is going to save me so much trouble in the future.
ftr I am forever going to be bitter that the post I wanted to be "let's talk about extinct ecosystems and how cool they are!" got derailed into yet another post just talking about a single taxon like the millions of other posts on palaeoblr
Please tell me more about these extinct ecosystems. Why did they go extinct? Could an ecosystem like that return?
When I say "extinct ecosystem", I mean those ecosystems that have existed in the past, with extinct animals and plants etc. inhabiting them
by their very definition, they are gone forever
there are ones that were truly unique, like Polar Tropical Forests and Fern Prairies, that we just could not have today
but there were ones that have equivalents to today, as well, like the first savannahs and steppes of the Miocene - they just have earlier versions of the plants and animals
there were so many because there are so many today, and each one had its own flora and fauna and was glorious
There's the wetlands and forests of Hell Creek in the Latest Cretaceous
the bizarre Volcanic Lake Forests of the Jehol Biota
whatever the hell the Ediacaran Reefs were
the Scale Tree Swamp Forests of the Carboniferous
"Mesozoic 2" aka pre-human Aotearoa
the Western Interior Seaway dominated by Mosasaurs
and so many other things, I couldn't possibly list them all. Every time period had its own biosphere and biomes, and they were all unique.
#i wanna see the Aurora Borealis over a tropical forest#BC Canada has a Boreal Rainforest so you can definitely get that
that isn't what I mean by "Polar Tropical Forest"
I mean a tropical forest
at the poles
ie, the ecosystems present during the Paleocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum
we have fossils of plants that showcase how different tropical plant lifestyles had to be up at the poles because of the light weirdness
the important part is "tropical", not "wet/rainforest". those are two different things
Temperate and Boreal Rainforests are wonderful and some of my favorite living biomes, but they aren't what I was talking about
May I ask about the fern prairies? That sounds really cool!
Grass is a relatively recent thing
it first evolved in the latest Cretaceous, but it didn't actually take over everywhere until the Miocene, when grasses that process light differently (look up C3 vs C4 photosynthesis) evolved and just took the fuck over the planet
before then, other plants formed the low ground cover over the earth, and in many places those plants were ferns - spread all over the ground and covering it, much like grass, but significantly less dense. Dirt would have been much more common everywhere.
This is why I am begging every single game developer to remember that grass is not a neutral ground cover
My favorite extinct ecosystem, if it counts while being as physically tiny as it was, is the floating logs that existed in the ocean between the first appearance of woody trees and the first appearance of organisms that could break down wood - floating reefs of a sort, trailing enormous filter-feeding crinoids below them. The baleen whales of their time
yeah that counts! And how bizarre those must have been!!!
Speaking of reefs, we're so used to rocky or coral reefs in the moderns world but there have been so many different reefs throughout prehistory that were made of things that straight up don't exist any more!
Like the reefs of the late Devonian, which were made of stromatoporoids, which may have resembled corals but were actually a highly diverse extinct group of sponges!
This is one of my own reconstructions of a stromatoporoid reef off the coast of Devonian Australia (plus anachronistic underwater baited camera):
The Cretaceous also had some wild extinct reefs which are known as carbonate reefs and were dominated by a group of bivalve molluscs called rudists!
Scale tree swamps are the only one of these I know anything about and they were SO WEIRD. There's definitely some controversy about how they functioned cause these things are hard to work out from fossils, but the current thinking is that these trees shot up to around 100 feet tall in 10-15 years, grew more tightly packed together than basically any modern forest, produced spores one time and then promptly keeled over and died. Forests just do not work like this anymore! It's not just different types of trees, it's a whole *different type of forest* that has gone extinct! Different nutrient cycling, different natural rhythms, different everything!
Even today there are all kinds of niche hyperlocal ecosystems that function in their own distinct ways - shale barrens, waxcap grasslands, cataract bogs. What else have we just never seen??
Anxiety over all the prehistoric organisms weâll never know, meet your big sibling: anxiety over all the prehistoric ECOSYSTEMS weâll never know

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Finding the dark spot in the middle of the circular pattern feels like a very easy problem for bees
Ground Control to Major Fenton.
Danny's chosen for a space mission, along with a group of other astronauts. They're gonna rendezvous at Justice League Watchtower, and then go for a part of space as of yet unexplored as a part of a Justice League effort to map the cosmos.
But something goes wrong with the ship.
And one of the escape pods gets damaged.
So Danny tricks the Captain of the team into a pod and fires it away into space.
He then immediately turns around and makes sure that the ship won't explode, just turning off his breathing on the way.
Danny did this because, unbeknownst to his employers, he is the only person on the crew capable of surviving the harsh nothingness of Space. As a half ghost, he doesn't need to breath and his heart doesn't need to beat, even while in human form.
So when the Justice League sends out Hal for salvage and corpse retrieval, Hal get's the absolute shit scared out of him. Like, the dude almost legitimately shit himself.
It went a little like this.
He managed to pry his way into the dead ship; no oxygen, no gravity, no nothing. He checks the rooms one by one, noting along the way that the ship shows signs of attempted repair.
His head is filling with images of the lone astronaut, Fenton, desperately doing his best to save the ship.
All the rooms are empty.
So if Fenton was trying to save the ship, then that would mean the last place to check would be the engine room.
Hal goes to the engine room, and there, cradled in wires that had been pulled from the ceiling, is the corpse of astronaut Daniel James Fenton.
The wires show clear efforts from the man to anchor himself in place, probably when the gravity went, so that he could still try to save the ship.
With a heavy heart, Hal moves forward and starts to detangle Fenton.
Only for Fenton's hand to shoot out with inhuman speed and catch his wrist in an iron grip, and when Hal looks up he sees a pair of glowing, inhuman eyes staring at him from an impossibly pale face, the neck at a strange an unnatural angle.
Hal screams like a little bitch and runs to the other side of the engine room.
Danny, however, had just tied himself to some cables so he could finally get some fucking sleep without bouncing around the room. (He woulda gone to his bunker and just used the seatbelts on his bed, but that room was Creepy without lights).
Okay, but also consider, hero Danny.
And not, like, your typical hero, like Phantom, but like the man who saved his whole crew at the expense of his own life. Who sacrificed himself for his captain, and fought for his life and got his ship until the end.
He is praised by his crew when they come back. They have nothing but kind words for him, the curious, intelligent boy with a fascination for the stars.
There are tears all around. From people who simply met with him in passing, who brought him coffees and received his smiles, who worked on tech with him and heard his brilliance.
Danny was just kind, and his death, his sacrifice, touches the hearts of everyone in the building/department he was working in.
Imagine this huge memorial for Danny Fenton. The brave, kind, brilliant astronaut who did his best in everything he could. Who, until the very end, shined just like the stars he so admired.
He gets his name engraved in something, his whole life story reaches the news (or at least what is publicly known) and even the Wayne's have like, a speech for him.
It's devastating all around, but the world knows one thing. Danny Fenton will be a name for the history books.
And then. Suddenly. He's back. Or, at least, there's news that maybe, somehow, he survived space.
People riot
And the public explodes
There are theories everywhere, and suddenly funding is skyrocketing, because everyone wants to get their hero back, wants to send out as many rescue teams as possible for him.
And Danny has no idea any of this is going on.
And if the GiW was still standing? he hears that his friend's kid managed to survive the vacuum of space, sus.
Now a government agency (?) is looking to organize kidnapping removal plans when they return to earthâŚ
It would be a bit funny if they are the ones who arrive at the wreck first and get caught by GL because They didn't expect a hero to stay just to keep Danny company.
This is the fourth time damian brought the college student over.
Damian, despite being 14, has been accepted to a gifted school as he had already been taught in the most subjects one usually learns at a slower pace.
(He still gets a headache over the fact his son won't get a normal childhood.)
Which is how he befriended the 17 year old Daniel, an overworked and sleepdeprived college student, getting dragged along and following with no complaint.
Bruce is, even if he wanted damian to befriend someone more around his own age, very welcoming of the student.
Alfred made sure the boy took enough food with him home, always leaving the mansion at point 4 pm.
It really shouldn't have been surprising when Bruce Wayne, yes, THE Brucie Wayne, summoned him to his office.
Danny entered the room fidgeting, giving a nervous smile to the man behind the desk and questioning what he did wrong to offend the patriarch of the family.
(Lies and slander, we, the readers, are fully aware that Alfred is the patriarch.)
"Uhâ hi, Mr. Wayne." He sat when gestured to the chair, shitting bricks with how nervous he's.
The man nods in greeting, smiling. "Hello Dannyâ"
"Please don't kill me!" The teen in question blurts out, flushing in embarrassment once registered.
Taken aback and startled, Bruce snorts, stifling laughter by putting a hand against his mouth.
Shit.
"I don't know what I did! Very sorry if I offended someone!" He rambles, panicking and waving his hands around.
"Dannyâ"
"I must have done something! Why else would you call me? Oh godâ I'm gonna be murdered by THE Brucie Wayne!"
At this point, the rich guy in front of him is barely restraining himself from laughing, trying his best to stay professional.
"Dannyâ! I- I won't murder you." He reassured, eyes crinkling from smiling.
"Butâ" he sniffs, both embarrassed and teary.
"I'm not gonnaâ danny." Bruce sighs, which sounds a lot like a choke, really. "Look, I just wanted a 1-on-1 talk with you about your friendship with damian and some concerns."
"Oh."
"Yes, oh."
Danny sighs in relief at this. "I can do some good old interrogationâ" "it's not an interrogationâ" "totally interrogation."
He huffs lightly, getting comfortable in his chair and preparing himself mentally.
"Alright Mr. Wayne! Shoot me!"
(Was that a pun? A joke to murder? Really?)
The man clears his throat, straightens his back and looks serious as he was before the accusations of murder.
"What are your intentions with damian and why become friends in the first place?"
Blinking, the teen brightens. "Oh, that's easy! Damian needs a friend. We just kinda clicked after I scared away a few pesky bullies."
Then he shrugs. "Besides, it's great training."
"Training?" Bruce asks, curious, tone light in the way that shows he's very interested.
"Yes. Despite his badly hidden murderous tendencies, love for knives, and slight lack of slang language and knowledge, he's still a kid." He nods.
"A young teen that goes through teen stuff that I barely remember going through and now get to relearn will be handy once Ellie becomes a teenager herself."
Batman was filing the information away, but Bruce kept going.
"Ellie?" He questions.
"My daughterâ has damian not mentioned her? We always leave around 4 to get her from my sister. Sometimes, dami stays over for a few hours!"
Ah. Well. Seems like Alfred will have to make more food for the teen now.
"Would you like to stay for dinner today?" He asks, "Bring your daughter too. We won't mind you joining us." smiling and already planning for the new adjustments to make.
"On another note, what are your and your daughters preferences? Any allergies?"
Danny didn't even agree yet, not that he was gonnaâ mind you.
"No allergies, soft foods only, easy to eat." He answers, listing the stuff from the top of his head.
In a whirlwind ofâ of planning dinner?? Danny is out of the door and wide eyed.
"What just happened?"
(On the other side, Bruce face-palms, having forgotten to ask what age Ellie is. Damn in Bruce.)
â
On the fifth visit, Danny stayed for dinner.
Damian must know the age, for there are bowls with freshly cut fruits, yoghurt, and rice mixed with veggies and chicken.
On that note, where is damian?
Dick meets his eyes, asking the same quetsion with a look.
Just as Bruce was gonna ask, the door opened, and the cutest picture to ever exist was created.
(Dick RIPPED his phone out of his pocket, swiping a picture of the scene as fast as possible.)
Steph can't hold back the coos at the sight of Damian walking with a toddler into the dining room, her tiny feet propped up on his and in hand together.
She's wearing a Robin onesie and he is wearing his (stolen) Nightwing hoodie.
"Sorry, hope we aren't late!" Danny waves with a grin from behind the pair.
"You aren't, just perfect, in fact." Bruce reassures, waving the teens over to the free seats.
Damian leads the two to his seat, making sure they're next to him.
The conversation during dinner is one spoken fondly, Cass likes to make Ellie laugh with silly faces, Duke and Steph "secretly" feed her tiny pieces of strawberry and Dick is in a rather passionate discussion with both Tim and Danny.
Damian, once he makes sure no one is watching him, wipes the mess from Ellies face.
(Bruce was watching, looking away once damians face snapped to him. He wasn't aware his youngest had such a soft spot for toddlers.)
(It takes a while, but Danny and Ellie become family like every other person, while having not slept over yet, Alfred already has prepared a room for the two in the Family wing.)
(It's barely a week after that everyone bought and gifted him onesie's of their hero personas, with the excuse of them being the gotham vigilantes when questioned. After all, the Robin can't be a one man team.)
â
The Nightwing and his Robin.
Have a good rest to all of you....
white people please just purchase native artwork and jewelry from native people i keep seeing idiot white people be like âwaaah i wish i could support native creators but its cultural appropriationâ girl why would beaders sell you their earrings then. just dont get a medicine wheel or a thunderbird then like damn it is that easy
http://www.beyondbuckskin.com/p/buy-native.html?m=1
If Native folks are making it to sell to white people with the approval of their tribe, itâs not âappropriationââits support and appreciation! So yes, buy that native-made dream catcher, but not the mass produced fakes made by white people. Like, you can go to a pow wow and buy native crafts there, too.
here are some places to get native/indigenous goods and merch online if you canât find something local or if physical access is an obstacle:
https://sweetgrasstradingco.com/ https://nativeharvest.com/ https://byellowtail.com/ https://www.salishstyle.com/ https://trickstercompany.com/ https://hutxh.com/ https://www.thentvs.com/ https://urbannativeera.com/ https://www.oxdxclothing.com/ https://kotahbear.com/ https://www.totemdesignhouse.com/ https://ginewusa.com/ https://eighthgeneration.com/
and the only native-owned comic shop in the world: https://redplanetbooksncomics.com/

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The "Rookie"
Danny became a ghost hunter when he got out of Amity. It started out as a big joke, he accidentally said that he "captured" himself to the local vigilantes (as an excuse, he didn't wanted them asking where he had seen his ghost form), and the Bats frowned before accepting it. They welcomed the help of an expert, albeit grudgingly.
He really thought it would stay that way and everyone will follow their lifes as normal, like a fool.
He thought it was a one time thing but the bats kept showing up at the wrong time and he kept acting like he capture the "old ghost", again (Red Robin told him they appreciated his service after his last fake battle); on one occasion they even tried to get him a mentor!
Danny would appreciate a reason to stop pretending to hunt himself down, it was getting ridiculous. He had to fake a "rivalry" and it was getting more awkward every day.
For his part, Tim was worried about the inexperienced ghost hunter that kept fighting with a rogue ghost (that keep escaping, maybe the ghost was too powerful?), he wondered if he should call Constantine to help the boy.
Tim had no illusions that bringing Constantine in on the situation would be a particularly easy team up - if only for Constantine's inane ability to annoy every bat and bird in a fifty mile radius to the point of contemplating homicide - but he hadnât expected it would go like this...
Neither Constantine nor Danny had so much as twitched in a good minute or so, locked in place standing there, staring at each other. The cigarette hanging from Constantine's lips had burned down and held a head of ash set to fall any second now. Tim hadn't seen either of them blink once in the entire time they'd been standing there.
He tried clearing his throat to get their attention. Constantine flinched, ash falling from the cigarette and body lurching away from Danny like he was expecting a blow. Danny snorted and finally smiled, making Constantine swear impressively- even for him - under his breath.
"Johnny Soul Crimes!" Danny greated finally, flashing a grin. His canines looked...more pronounced then they had earlier. "What did you do this time? Said the 'w' word around Desiree? Try and steal a book from Ghost Writer? Flirt with the wrong entity and got yourself stuck in another marriage pact?"
Constantine took a long drag of his cigarette - which was almost impressive with how little was left - and shot Tim a scathing look. "I was told by a certain brain dead bird that there was some mortal that was in over his head with a ghost." Turning back to Danny his expression turned a bit more...contrite? Definitely nervous. Which was...a thing. That Constantine was nervous around friendly, cute, harmless Danny.
Wait, how did Danny know about the soul stuff?
"Instead, I get drug all the way down to this fucking shit hole - no offense -" He added, not to Tim, whose city he insulted, but to a particular dark corner of shadows that...why where they moving like that? There was no light source that could be causing them to move like that...actually, what light source was responsible for those shadows? "To find that it's not some stupid sod trying to play Ghost Buster, but you of all nightmarish little pricks."
Danny's grin widened, too many teeth and not enough amusement to justify them. "My friend Red Robin," The word friend had a strange....weight to it. Not bad, but heavy in a way that made Tim's cheat warm and made Constantine flinch again at the same time, "Was nice enough to call you down here to help me out, and you insult all of us that way? Awfully rude Shatter Soul."
"You guys know each other."
It wasn't really a question, more just a reminder to them that he was there. Maybe a bit of a distraction before Danny started throwing punches at the mess of a magician. Constantine was good at aggravating people but it looked like he was speed running the introduction to threats of bodily harm pipeline this time.
Danny flashed Tim a sly smile, warmer and less...fanged...than the one he cast Constantine. Tim did his best to ignore the fluttering in his chest as Danny gave a cheeky wink on top of the smile.
"We've crossed paths once or twice." Danny said, "Johnny Boy has a tendency to get in over his head."
Tim frowned. "It sounds like you've helped him out more than he has you." He glanced at the magician in question to see the man yanking a flask from his signature trench coat and seemingly to empty it in one go. "Is he not going to be any help with Phantom?"
A spray of cheap whiskey nearly splattered all over Tim as Constantine choked and sputtered. Tim shuffled away, not keen to spend the night smelling of bottom shelf rot gut.
"Phantom? You called me down here about Phantom?" Constantine shook his head, casting an annoyed look at Danny. "No, I don't know what game this is but I'm having no bloody part in it. I'm out you demented little shit."
And then he just...left.
Tim blinked at the spot Constantine had just teleported himself away from - noting the split second of surprise on the man's face just as the spell took hold and the tinge of sickly green that had crept in at the edges of his magic - before turning back to Danny.
He might have to re-evaluate his understanding of the situation.
"Wanna get gelato?" Danny asked, smile sweet and face hopeful as he looked at Tim, entirely unbothered by the entire thing. "We could split a cone, what'ya say?"
...maybe later. After gelato.
You call me down here to deal with this bastard right here???
- John Constantine probably
Getting a PHD literally anywhere else: Wow! Congratulations! What a great achievement! Amazing!
Getting a PHD in Gotham: Wow! Amazing! You're now on several Government, Civilian, and Bat watchlists.
So if any of the Wayne kids get a PHD, then the entirety of Gotham would be squinting at them suspiciously. They're rich, so resources, and most likely already insane with all the shit they pull.
What I'm saying is if Jason went and got himself a Doctorate in Literature, the whole city would anticipate the appearance of his villainsona called the Dead Poet(emphasis on the dead) or Bookkeeper or something else similarly nerdy and themed like that for sure.
I just know that it would turn into some Gotham inside joke with memes abound, and everytime Jason would, I don't know, give more funding to the neglected Arts Departments in Gotham University, or go to a school for read alongs to encourage kids to read, Gotham social media would go crazy and be like:
"The Dreaded Villain Dead Poet Reads Alice in Wonderland to Children! How Despicable!"
"Villain Dead Poet Lambasts Government on Banning Books! Leads Librarians to Riot!"
"Dead Poet Ramps up his Villainy by Establishing Educational Programmes in Crime Alley! Uplifting the Poor! What a Dastardly Villain!"
"Dead Poet Goes on Live Ranting About his Favourite Books! Favourite Author is Jane Austen! Is this the Feminist Agenda?"
And so on! It's a meme that refuses to go away. His siblings actively participate, and make the situation worse.
Dick held an online Gotham Villains and Anti-Heroes Poll and Dead Poet came out on top, over Red Hood. Jason is an actual Gotham crime boss, but his crowdfunded villainsona is more popular. No he's not salty about it at all.
Duke would create a montage of Dead Poet sightings.
Stephanie would make a Dead Poet meme compilation.
Tim would arrange Wayne Enterprises to donate to local libraries after allegedly being threatened by the heinous villain Dead Poet. (Jason did ask Tim to do that but not like that)
Barbara created an extremely popular Villain Watch account for Dead Poet.
Cass tweeted out Jason's favourite books as the villain Dead Poets reading list telling people to avoid them 'wink wonk', causing a massive uptick in the sale of those books ala Bigolas Dickolas.
Damian of all people tweeted out a pic of Jason playing with Alfred the cat accusing the evil villain Dead Poet of attempting to kidnap his cat.
And thats not to mention all the shenanigans they pull in their batsonas.
God bless Gotham and it's home grown, organic, not even remotely ethically sourced, free range chaos.
Ectoberhaunt 2023. Day 5. Hunt and Haunt.
~Well, here we go again, good old Ghost Hunger AU~
Description: The Ghost Zone is inherently a violent place. You can hunt or be hunted, there is no other options. However, for some reason the Halfa does not understand what is happening. And no one rushes to explain it. NB! ghost cannibalism is mentioned.
Prompt after memes
Tim was four days into a sleep deficit so he felt that to say that this predicament was his fault was a bit of a reach.
For it to be his fault he would have had to cognizant of the last 16 hours.
All he wanted to do was take a power nap in the nearest closest durring the Waynetech gala but nooo Bruce had to be taken hostage by the Joker.
So he did what he thought would work best and shoved uncle Clark into the nearest emergency bat storage and told him to suit up.
Maybe he looked a bit more confused than normal but they didnât need a reporter they needed Batman!
That being said wasnât uncle Clark supposed to be off-world?
Oh no.
âââââââ
Jack honestly had no clue what was happening for the last six months so when he was told to be Batman he merely just shrugged as the frankly exhausted teen left him to his own.
With his son turning out to be part ghost to the government hunting down his said son and having to move shop halfway across the continent.
This might as well happen.
Grinning like a kid on Christmas, Jack plopped on the finishing touch.
âOh Danno is not going to believe this!â
Raising a cloaked arm with a flourish Jack struck a pose.
âAlrighty Jack enough messing around! Time to save the party, Fenton style!
Shifting his feet, Jack took a deep breath before smoothing his face the best he could. After all, couldnât have a smiling Batman! Before walking out the room and taking running leap through the wall to the streets of Gotham before grappling to the nearest building.
Listen
Joker is at the gala
Bruce is at the gala
They have to be
Tim shoved Jack in a closet at the gala, so he could change and save the day at the gala
Jack then jumped out the wall and fucking left to deal with the rest of the city
JOKER IS FURIOUS
SPITTING MAD
Chasing Jackman through town in a desperate bid to reclaim his attention
Possibly with Bruce in tow, having the most surreal experience of his life
Jack is a goddamn natural with the grapples too he flies like a bird and lands like a tank
The rogues he encounters are TERRIFIED of new Batman heâs somehow gotten even worse, he used the explode walls with explosives not just HIS FUCKING BODY
There is a petition among the bat kids to keep ânew Batmanâ forever
Jack signs it too when they finally catch him
Something that came to mind from seeing this again: wouldn't the batsuit have comms built in?
Jack "can't hear you over the sound of his own excitement" Fenton would take any request to stop/slow down as concern for his well-being and be like "not to worry! I'm here to help!" because he was asked to be Batman and Batman doesn't stop until the AM. Unless the guy shows up to relieve him Jack is in it.
He can't just leave all these kids to crime fight by themselves!
Which means the batfam spends at least a few hours in a comm with Jack "incredibly verbally affection family" Fenton.
I'm just imagining Tim taking down someone trying to sneak up on Jack and Jack just pausing like "Good Job! I'm proud of ya son!" before barreling on to the next fight.
Just half the night is filled with the sound of Jack complimenting their takedowns or cheering them on in between his own bad guys (all while the bats try and fail to convince him to stop for the night - they cannot.)
Jack definitely readily admits heâs not the usual guy over the comms
Just
âHello! Now I know Iâm not the mentor youâre used to, but Iâm here to help! Letâs save this city from ghosts!â
They spend a good chunk of the night (every time a new rogue shows up) persuading Jack that the city is beset by humans, not ghosts, and trying to explain itâs weird when âBatmanâ compliments them in a way that doesnât make Jack call CPS on them
All jokes about Bruceâs adoption problem spontaneously combust when Jack declares them all his children about two hours in because they deserve to be told theyâve done a good job
Danny shows up at one point, looking confused because Dad was supposed to be home hours ago. And now his dad has decided to take up crime fighting? Is Danny... a bad influence??!
But his dad encourages him to join in crime fighting, it's a bonding activity, I just want to get to know that part of your life better, and well. Danny's weak.
He steals one of Tim's old Robin costumes, and decides to be Robin for the night. The moment he spin kicks a thug shouting, 'batter up!' the batkids know: they have a new sibling.
Note, Danny was not in Phantom form the entire time. He was entirely part of the black haired blue eye Robin squad.
However, Danny does use his powers.
So now rumors of Robin 2âs ghost returning from the grave are circulating
Tim is just happy somebody else has a greater claim to the âreplacementâ moniker than he does.
Jason is not sure how to handle this. First verbally affectionate Batman and then a kid who may or may not be his ghost. Maybe he should hit Harley up for some therapy.
Meanwhile Bruce is still being held hostage by Joker who is so mad âBatmanâ walked out on him. Now Bruce is sitting in a clown car smooshed between two goons while Joker follows the trail of destruction left in Jackmanâs wake, all the while ranting about Batman like heâs a jilted ex.
Bruce is absolutely flabbergasted that a random seemingly meta civilian is doing his job?? And well???? All his rogues are fucking terrified. Joker isn't even causing damage he's just chasing Jackman. Bruce has a comm in he can't answer cause of the thugs on either side of him but he can HEAR everything!?! Why is this man complimenting his kids??? Is, is he trying to TAKE his babies????!! Absolutely Not.
Bruce is fuming arms crossed and pouting squished between two massive goons. He looks ridiculous he knows.
Jackman meanwhile is having a Blast! Danny!Robin Danbin? Ronny? Phantom? Robtom? Phanbin? Eh they'll think of something. Danny!Robin is enjoying playing lowstakes vigilante. Also his dad makes a pretty good Batman.
Danny punches a joker goon that tries to grab him, he goes through a wall. Everyone just stops and stares for a second. Jackman slowly turns to Danny, as he slowly lowers his fist.
"Son, did you just push a man through a brick wall?"
Silence
Then Danny squeaks,
"I don't like CLOWNs!" Ducking his head.
Jackman trying to stay in character for Batman just grunts. Then goes,
"Maybe stick to open handed strikes?"
Which SHOULD have fixed the problem.
It did not
No bow Danny delivered the backhand of GOD.
He's giggling and bouncing and he just goes around slapping the absolute SHIT out of people.
He's not even attacking anyone just bouncing around behind Jackman and slapping any who get within 3 feet of him.
(I'm thinking that meme video where that one dude just slaps everyone at a party one after another and they just DROP.)
Jason isn't even fighting he's following the "replacement " or his "ghost" and just, laughing. His siblings are both happy he's laughing and scared cause thats... a lot.
i'm imagining Harley and Ivy sitting in bed in their PJ's eating popcorn as they watch the curated live feed coverage oh so helpfully provided by the lovely and magnificent oracle
how she managed to get a camera into jokers clown car? the world may never know. but everyone is really getting a kick over watching joker slowly devolve into a Karen like road rage fueled rant over being ghosted by batman with Bruce wide eyed and terrified in the backseat
I want to imagine that Joker finally catches up to Jackman but instead of getting noticed by Senpai(tm), Danny!Robin sees and goes all out. Here is the evil clown of Gotham, standing there, threatening his dad, and giving him the golden opportunity to show everyone just how much he FUCKING. HATES. CLOWNS!!!
Jason is losing it on the rooftop after seeing his replacement/ghost backhand the Jokerâs goons through the nearest building and proceed to slap the shit out of this disgusting excuse of a clown (like those scenes where idiot protagonist tries to wake up unconscious friend by repeatedly slapping them back and forth until they come to, but in reverse). And the most insulting part is that Jack doesnât even notice because heâs busy with the fight heâs in and fails to even see Joker (whom is lying unconscious with the most pissed off expression) until the fight is over.
Jack: âSon, I told you to stick to open-handed strikes!â
Danny: âI did! Look at the hand-shaped print on his face! That is obviously a slap mark.â
Batfam: ...
Jason: *choking on air*

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so if thereâs one single trope iâm always down to fight itâs the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again. and thatâs awful on a whole lot of levels - itâs not love, itâs control.
BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.
i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. likeâŚI get it, theyâre pretty, graceful birds, certainly itâs easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devilâs geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say âhey iâm in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, weâll be so happyâ and she just looks at you for a moment andâŚ
you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly youâre realizing youâve made a terrible terrible mistake bc youâre surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then sheâd straight up fuck you up on her own. sheâd just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you donât fuck with swans. why does this trope exist
okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim.Â
finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says âwhy donât you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kindâ
and the woman says, âi canât swimâ
and the swan says, âweâll teach youâ
and the woman says, âliterally i canât swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drownâÂ
and the swan says âyour husband fucking WHATâ
the next morning the womanâs front yard looks like this.Â
and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons.Â
@elodieunderglass
tagged for imaginary swans doing the lordâs work
A++, two thumbs up.
It may also interest someone to know that swans can projectile poop.
I know a real-world mama swan who got shot in the wing and walked four miles overland to get back to her babies and dad swan, with her broken wing bleeding and dragging the whole way. She just kept going. Donât mess with lady swans.Â
Also? Swans donât have a lot of obvious physical markings that divide the males from females. So some idiot might be like, âdamn, thatâs a sexy bird, I wanna marry herâ and then like. Itâs a dude swan. You just transformed thirty pounds of angry aggressive bird into 200+ pounds of angry aggressive adult man, who will totally kick your butt. (Also Iâm pretty sure that if you turned a lady swan into a human, you would not get a willowy little 5â˛0âł girl. Youâd probably have a 6-foot amazon with biceps the size of your head. Swans are heavy birds and it takes a LOT of muscle to get them into the air. They are among the baddest bitches in the bird kingdom)
And when a swan decides to beat you up, it is not with fancy martial arts. Swans are brawlers. They have bone clubs built into their wing joints specifically for beating people up. A human swan is gonna come at you screaming and spitting and just keep punching you in the face until you regret every decision you have made ever in your life and also some of the ones your parents made too.Â
Never quite got why a selkie woman would look like my tiny bird-boned granny (in her youth) either.
Seals are carnivores. They swim after fish & have a ton of blubber for warmth. A selkie woman should be stocky, strong, and fat, because thatâs what seals are. (She should also probably like lying in the sun, possibly in the classic âbananaâ pose, but I canât draw so youâll have to imagine that. Beach yoga?)
If you want a tiny little nothing, maybe youâre looking for deer womanâthough deer arenât to be underestimated eitherâor a much, much smaller bird than a swan. Perhaps a sheep.
But frankly I donât know of any other vertebrate species where the females are as passive & ostensibly helpless as human women are expected to be (until itâs time to do all the child-rearing, at least), so maybe donât go looking for a wife among the wild folk if what you want is someone to bend to your every whim.
In fact if thatâs what you want, do us all a favor & join a monastery.
Selkies should be built like draft horses and fat enough to fend off the winter.
The banging continued, echoing from Theoâs front door, joined by a voice. âTheo? Theo, are you in?â The doorknob rattled.
âComing!â Theo set his weaving aside and rushed to the door. I hopped quickly to the most shadowed corner, a space half-hidden behind a cross beam, where I was unlikely to be spotted. Theo opened the door, ushering in a big lantern-jawed human woman in a furâno, a selkie with her mottled skin draped over her like a raincoat.
âThereâs been another,â she said without preamble, sweeping the hood of her skin back.
âNo.â Theoâs head and tail drooped. âWho was it?â
âJames Murphy.â The selkie shook her head sharply. âDamn fool just had to go check on his boat in the storm. Little bits of him were spread all the way down the dock to shore, like chum.â
âThird humans in three days.â Theo covered his mouth with one hand. âHow bad is it out there?â
âWell, itâs not good, Iâll tell you that,â the selkie said. âThose McConnell boys were out drumming up fear, until the weather drove them home, and thatâs before they found Olâ Murphy. This plays right into their hands.â
âI should be out there,â Theoâs voice was quiet but intense. âI should be helping.â
âWerenât you going to be hunting tonight?â the selkie asked, chin jutting out combatively. âI didnât expect to find you in.â
âI was.â Theo growled faintly. âThe Spring-heeled Jacks have taken it into their fool heads that Iâm involved. Theyâve got me pinned down.â
âYou!?â The selkie seemed positively affronted. âIâd give those bouncy bastards a piece of my mind!â She tugged her fur back over her head. âWell, Iâm off. Someoneâs got to spread the warning.â
âBe safe,â Theo said.
The selkie barked a rough laugh, flashing a disconcertingly wide mouthful of pointy teeth, and was gone.
â Excerpt from âSpring-heeled Jack and the Wolfmanâ, by me, a novella for whom I can find no publisher.
Concept: Kryptonite isnât ectoplasm.
Danny still eats it because he has a track record of eating inedible things and being perfectly fine.
Danny, since realising he was ya know half dead all the time, and not just when he wanted to pull a magical girl jekyll and Hyde, has made it his mission to eat EVERY element on the periodic table if it could be formed into a solid. The reason for this?
He found out, using some of the equipment in his parents labs, that he doesn't really have stomach acid anymore? He has acidic ectoplasm so everything just kind of went to die if it entered his digestive track. No more indigestion if literally nothing survived the trip. It also meant no more stomach bugs which was a cool plus.
Anyway. Krypton was on the periodic table.
Danny had tried that. It was okay. Not the best but not the worst.
Kyrptonite was from another GALAXY, but also a lot of the elements could be found in space. So was it similar? What was its structure like? How different was it and how had fate come about that the names were so similar? Also did it taste different? All important questions.
Oh my god yes. Fully accidentally gets Kryptonite during his little journey to collect all of the elements and consume them.
Danny thinks he's ordering a sample of krypton (already complicated since the temperature it becomes solid at it -158C and liquid at -153C) and it comes in a weird box? Strange, but, again, krypton is nearly impossible to get in form that can be eaten. He isn't quite sure what to think of the lead lined box considering noble gasses are non-reactive, but he's got more important things to worry about like replacing Vlad's football memorabilia with novelty cheese decorations.