Bloggity

Everyone kinda embarrassed because of their blunder and Jason is lashing out to protect himself from shame

Dick is joining is cause well he feels bad about it being his idea

Now Tim is arguing too

Damian wants to feel involved and u can’t convince me other wise

Bruce is trying ti make a point about safety thats just fully derailed

Anyway Danny as Fenton is just there in the background around all the bad guys he took out before Bruce actually got there like “awkward” but the moment he tries to just tippytoe his way out Bruce turns to point at him “and don’t think you are getting out of this. Your grounded too”

He just freezes. Can batman do that? Is he legally allowed to do that? Wait what does Batman mean by grounded?!!? Whats his move here.

“Everyone in the batmobile we will discuss this more in the morning”

Oh ok thats his move. Ok yea Batman just grounded him. He better go.

So they r having the ride home and everyone is sulking and Danny is just there confused but doesn’t say anything because hes probably tired and it’s batman wtf you gonna do.

So they are at the cave and Danny finally just “so can I call my family to tell them I wont be home tonight?”

You everyone just stops. And slowly turns to face him. “Ah yea dumb question. I guess uhhh no phones huh?” No one moves. Everyone is pretty shocked. Cause one bruce kidnapped some kid. Two theres a civi in the batcave. Three bruce kidnapped some fucking kid. Four some random kid just got in the car with them. Five holy fuck bruce kidnapped some kid.

“Fenton residence, who’s calling?”

“Uh, it’s Danny,” Danny said over the phone Nightwing handed him; it was on speaker so everyone could hear. They were all watching him so intently it was unnerving. Except Batman. He’d sat down in the computer chair and put his head in his hands like he was nursing a headache. It was weird seeing Batman act so human.

“Oh hi sweetie!! Are you enjoying Gotham?”

He, Sam, and Tucker had planned this trip a while ago. It was supposed to be a fun weekend road trip to Gotham and back. Friday was a public tour of Wayne Tech R&D for Tucker, Saturday they visited the planetarium for Danny, and Sunday was spent taking pics of the gothic architecture and gargoyles for Sam, then an all night drive home to sleep in on Monday. This was supposed to be the start of summer vacation.

The three friends had split up just for an hour to see who could find the best gargoyle - whoever got the best pic got to choose dinner. But then Danny had run into this brawl that… well honestly it looked kinda fun and he missed fighting his own Rogues so he jumped in. Then things kinda went to shit and Batman showed up and started yelling and who would even want to argue with an irate Batman? Dude gave commands like a general and Danny got bundled up into the Batmobile with everyone else and didn’t really know how to react.

“Yeah, uh, about that…” he said to his mom, “I kinda got caught up in a fight and got grounded by Batman.”

“Oh Danny-dear, you know we’ve told you to stop fighting.”

Little clink clink noises could be heard over the phone and it was obvious she’d only heard half his words. Of course she was tinkering in the lab, hyperfocused on some new project. He’d have to be careful when he got back until he figured out what this new tool or weapon did.

“Yes Mom,” he sighed into the phone. “Only, this means I won’t be getting home tonight so -”

“That’s okay sweetie, have fun with your friends! Love you bye!”

The phone went silent as she hung up.

“So…. Can I also call my friends to let them know I’m fine? Sam won’t mind renting our hotel room for another night, but they’ll be looking for me now and since my cell doesn’t get service this deep underground…”

“Yes fine,” the hero bit out.

He dialed quickly, rubbing the back of his neck to alleviate some stress.

“Hey it’s me,” he said after the call picked up on the second ring.

“Danny! Where did you go?! We were supposed to meet up fifteen minutes ago!”

“Yeah man!” Tucker cut in, “And this isn’t your number! Don’t tell me you broke another phone, I just built that one for you!”

“No no, it’s fine, I swear! It could just use some extra reach cuz I’m like 60 feet underground.”

Tucker snorted, “What, six feet wasn’t enough?”

That made Danny laugh too, but it died in his throat when every vigilante’s head snapped in his direction. Oh that wasn’t a good look from any of them.

“Okay don’t get mad but I kinda jumped into a fight -”

“Like always,” Sam mumbled.

“And then things went sideways and the local heroes lost some important informant and Batman showed up and started yelling and shoved the whole pile of us into the Batmobile and grounded me.”

There was silence for three seconds.

Then raucous laughter.

Danny rolled his eyes as his best friends wheezed and cackled at his expense.

“Only you, Danny, only you,” Sam choked out. It sounded like Tucker was pounding his fist on a table.

“Yeah yeah,” he huffed, but couldn’t help a little grin. It was kinda funny. “Look, just stay another night and I’ll get back to you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

“Sure sure, don’t give them too much trouble,” Sam chuckled and hung up.

Danny tossed the phone to Nightwing, who caught it with ease, but no one said anything. Did these guys only ever stare?

“Sooooo…. What part of the Batcave am I cleaning up? My parents usually have me do the dishes for a week when I’m grounded. If it’s real bad I have to deep clean the fridge and that’s a legitimate biohazard so any chores you’ve got for me I can do. I don’t really get squeamish. Will I be shoveling bat guano, or scrubbing blood off your armor? Just give me some gloves and a mask and I can do just about anything. I mean, like a PPE face mask, not one of your domino masks, that wouldn’t help with the -”

All the vigilantes interrupted at once, their voices overlapping and echoing around the cave:

“How often do you get in fights?”

“Is your mother always that nonchalant?”

“Legitimate biohazard?!”

“What did he mean six feet wasn’t enough?!”

Ohhhhh no, this was gonna be a rough night. Danny should really learn when to mind his own business.

You know the kind of shows I mean.

The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.

So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.

Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)

(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))

The applause is deafening for a moment as the live band behind the podium strikes up a lively tune, ushering them into a commercial break.

"Really, thank you, Bruce," Murray Franklin says over the noise, angling his mouth away from the microphone on his desk. "You couldn't have got me to hold that fucking thing for all the money in the world."

Bruce inclines his head, a benign smile ever in place. "Oh, you know me, Murray. I'll try anything once."

"Well, that sounds promising," says a shrill, familiar. Bruce turns in time to find stagehands working rapid-time to construct a staging area behind the couch. And two humans holding two very distinct puppets aloft. Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

"Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here." The frog puppet extends a hand toward him, causing a ripple of laughter to go up from the audience. Bruce arches an eyebrow at the puppeteer but reaches out to take the felt-green hand being offered to him. Apparently, he's not supposed to engage with the humans. "This is my companion, Miss Pigathia Lee."

"Mr. Frog," he greets the muppet formally, feeling the first hint of a genuine smile tugging at his mouth. "Charmed to meet both of you. I'm a big fan of your work."

"Oh, gosh! Really?" The Frog gushes, emoting the pure joy Bruce remembers from watching television as a child. "I could say the same to you! All that good work you do for the city! It's really something."

"Thank you." Don't cry, Bruce thinks suddenly. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

Christ, it's like Mister Rogers telling you you did a good job.

"All right, save it for the camera," Murray interjects good-naturedly, pressing a finger to his ear and listening to whatever the producer is saying on the other end.

"Mr. Wayne?" Bruce turns to find his handler waiting for him, a makeup artist behind him. "Can we ask you to move over for this next part?"

"Of course." Bruce shuffles over. As he leans back, arm stretched out across the back of the couch he realizes what they're doing. They're using his bulk to block the sight of the puppeteers from the angle of the fourth camera. Clever.

He sits placidly as the makeup artist dusts powder over his face, listening to the instructions about how to talk to the muppets. Don't look at the puppeteers, look at the puppets. Treat them like real people. Try to keep it pg-13. Just act natural.

Natural, he thinks, his eyes skirting up to the stage beams and the shadows hovering above them. There's nothing natural about being Bruce Wayne.

"And we're live in five, four, three, two, one..."

The music swells to rising applause, and his smile slips back in place, as firm and solid as his armor. He zones out as Murray goes through the introductions. He's learned that no one minds if Bruce Wayne looks a little checked out at times. Christ, he's tired. He's half tempted not to go on patrol tonight. There's a dull ache building behind his eyes, and his ribs still hurt from getting hit with a crowbar. He hopes Dick is all right. Last night's patrol had been hard on both of them, hard enough that Dick had to miss school and spend the day in bed. Though he'd gotten up before Bruce left, adamant that he wanted to watch him make a fool of himself on television. He hopes no one else is watching. He hopes there's a mild disaster happening somewhere, and he won't have to listen to Clark ribbing him about how good he is with children and animals. Again. It's like being made fun of by a slice of apple pie.

Slowly, he becomes aware of the presence beside him. Bruce looks down to find Miss Piggy staring up at him, snout turned upward, head tilted in a manner that heavily suggests flirtation. Oh God

"Not that you have anything to worry about, Mister Wayne," the high, piping voice of Kermit the Frog informs him. "Gotham's far too damp for us Muppets to want to take over Wayne Tech, too."

Bruce smiles. He's vaguely aware of the plot of The Muppets Take Metropolis. Something about taking over LexCorp. He's surprised Luthor green-lit it. The other billionaire is normally so precious about being taken seriously.

"Oh, I don't know about that, there are lots of nice swamps around here," he says, gaze still on the amorous pig puppet inching closer to him. "Mud baths, too."

"Really?" Miss Piggy drawls, flicking her blonde wig over her shoulder, much to the amusement of the audience. "And are any of these mud baths on Wayne ground?"

He can't help but smile properly at that, mouth crooking to the side. He supposes he should have seen this coming. "Oh, yes," he says, inflecting the famous Bruce Wayne charm into his voice. "More than you can shake a stick at."

When the puppet's hand comes to rest its hand on his arm, his laughter is genuine. This might be the surrealist fucking thing that's happened to him in a while. And that's saying something because he got dosed with fear toxin last week.

"Now, Brucie," Miss Piggy drawls, "Don't tempt a girl with a good time."

Some absurd instinct makes him angle his body toward the muppet, smiling down at it like a real person. "Oh, Piggy Lee, you should know I never tempt. I can call you, Piggy Lee, can't I?"

"Honey, you can call me a cab because I'm ready! Let's skedaddle!"

"Well, how about that!" Murray exclaims, drawing the attention back to him as the audience loses it. "Kermit, he's trying to steal your girl!"

The Frog turns to look at him, to Miss Piggy, then back to Bruce. "Y'know something, Murray, I don't mind. Say, Bruce, are, uh, are any of those swamps nearby?"

Oh, he's never going to live this one down.

***

"So what's it like?" Clark asks, tone deceptively neutral.

"What's what like?" Batman asks, tone sliding like gravel over sheet metal.

"Meeting the Muppets?"

He thinks about it. "Surprisingly hard to look at the humans."

Also, because I might as well ride this crackfic into the Lazarus Pit:

The Muppets eventually do make a film with Gotham in it. The premise starts not unlike the other Muppet movies, where the Muppets are fractured, and Kermit is trying to get the gang back together. For this, he must travel around the US, finding the location of the other Muppets.

When the time comes to find Miss Piggy, the screen cuts to Wayne Manor, the other Muppets standing outside the imposing iron gates.

"Well, we tried," Rizzo intones nasally, already walking off. Gonzo catches him around the neck, hauling him back.

"Where are you going?"

"Home! What, you think she's going to leave Bruce Wayne?"

Kermit's face goes through numerous stages of grief before squaring into the kind of grim determination that can only happen when you have a fist for a jaw. "We have to try," the Frog affirms, then stoically presses the gate buzzer.

The scene cuts to inside the manor, where Miss Piggy is shown lounging on an opulent chaise, surrounded by immense wealth and luxury. Empty bottles of champagne everywhere and an inordinate amount of food. It's clear there was a party last night. She is dressed not unlike Debbie from the Addams family, her face covered by a fluffy pink eyemask embroidered in gold thread that reads "Wake Me In Paris" in gaudy, swirling font. In the background, a picture of Bruce Wayne and Miss Piggy can be seen on a table. The frame is neon pink and shaped like a heart. Bruce looks happier than he's ever done in his entire life. (Probably because he couldn't stop cracking up when it was being taken.)

There's a knock at the door, and she wakes with a snort, ripping away the eyemask. "What?" she demands harshly before correcting herself into a more ladylike twinkle. "I mean, who is it?"

Alfred appears as firm and imperious as ever. Perfectly straight-faced. "Forgive me, madame, but we appear to have a common rabble at the door."

"So? Release the hounds. Brother, do I have to think of everything around here?"

Alfred clears his throat, the slightest twitch of a smile on his face. It's gone before the camera can narrow in on it. "It appears they are friends of yours, madame. Ah, one Mister Kermit the Frog and, um, associates."

"Kermi!" she exclaims before she can stop herself. "I mean, uh, very well, send them in."

The Muppets traipse into the opulent room, googly eyes roaming everywhere in astonishment. "Wow," Gonzo breathes.

"Food!" Rizzo exclaims, lunging toward the comestibles and shoving his face into a bowl.

Gonzo hauls him back, glancing at Alfred apologetically. "Sorry.

But Kermit only has eyes for Ms Piggy. "You look well, Pigathia," he says solemn and sincere.

"I do? I mean, of course, I do." She harumphs, turning her back on him. "How could I not? I'm only the wealthiest pig in the world." She turns back, expression coy over her shoulder. "What do you want?"

"Well, we're trying to get the old gang back together. Our old theaters being shut down, and I just thought that maybe one last show might--"

"That's why you're here. For the show?"

Kermit takes a deep, shuddering breath. "No. That's not why I'm here. Gosh darnit, Piggy Lee, I want you back. I love you, and I know deep down" -- "way down," Rizzo supplies before getting elbowed -- "that you love me too."

She turns slowly. As though drawn by some invisible string. Her expression falls. "I do. I did. Once upon a time. But Kermi... Bruce takes care of me."

"I'll say--" "Rizzo!"

She carries on as if the others hadn't spoken. "I know you love me. But I also know I'll only ever be second best to the show. With Bruce," she sighs dreamily. "He's rich, handsome, and most importantly, dumb as a rock. I'm the most important pig in town. I'm practically running the joint. You really think I'm going to give up all this." She gestures around the grandeur. "For a penniless Frog who can't see past the next show?"

"Well..." Kermit hesitates, face falling. "Yes. I guess... I guess I did."

Gonzo and Rizzo share a look. "I think we better go," Gonzo says, placing a consoling hand on Kermit's shoulder. "Come on, guys. It was nice seeing you again, Piggy."

"Yeah, real nice," Rizzo intones, shoving as much food into his pockets as his little rat hands can grab.

Kermit shakes himself. "No. I refuse to believe it! This isn't you, Piggy Lee. You might think it is, but it isn't. All this wealth, the silk robes, the fancy food. I know you, Piggy Lee; I know you better than anyone, and you're not this shallow. You're a performer, a star. You were made to be loved by the stage. Not just some... some billionaire playboy who can give you whatever you want whenever you want. I have to believe that because otherwise, what the heck has it all been for? What have we been for? So what do you say, Pigathia? Will you come home? Come back to the show where you belong. For me?"

There's a long, heavy pause, and Miss Piggy sighs.

The following scene cuts to the Muppets flailing down the Wayne Manor driveway, yelling comically as several snarling rottweilers chase them.

"And stay out!" Miss Piggy yells after them. When she turns back to Alfred, she resumes her ladylike poise. "Alfie, be a dear and tell Brucie I'll be home late tonight. Mama's got some shopping to do."

"Very good, Madame."

She eventually shows up at the Muppet show at the last minute to save the day, a happy, bumbling Bruce tagging beside her. Later, when the Muppets are all on stage, the human protagonists, who are in the audience and seated next to Bruce, remark, "Wow, I can't believe they raised the money to save the theater!"

"They didn't," Bruce says with a small, knowing smile. His gaze turns to Miss Piggy adoringly, sighing wistfully. "But I just can't say no to that pig."

Henceforth it becomes Muppet canon that Miss Piggy and Bruce Wayne are in a heated on-again-off-again relationship. Neither Kermit nor Bruce seems to mind each other, leading to an episode of Sesame Street several years down the line where Elmo explains that sometimes a child can have one mommy and no daddy, or one daddy and no mommy, or have one daddy and one mommy, or two daddys and no mommies or vice versa, and sometimes if you're the Wayne kids, a daddy, a frog, and a pig.

Like this young person didn't even know about goddamn Gutenberg which is a SHAME. I linked to it and they went "aw yiss time to do a theft" and I was like "I mean yo ho ho and all that, sure, but. you know gutenberg is entirely legal, right?"

Project Gutenberg is a gigantic collection of books that are in the public domain.  You can read the books through the site or you can download them in various formats so you can get the format you prefer for your eReader of choice.

It is free. 

It is legal.

I was reviewing the list of the top 100 books downloaded yesterday and I saw a fair few that I had to read for college classes - so if you’re a college student and your professor assigns you to read Plato or any number of older works, check here before you buy a copy.

If you look at the first reblog from me I also recommended a few other resources, most of which were from www.archive.org, home of the Wayback Machine! They run openlibrary.org, where you can check out ebooks of some public domain titles! They even have the Bone series by Jeff Smith!

And archive.org itself has all kinds of public domain media including music and movies! For Dracula fans, here's a radio show adaptation of the book, starring Orson Welles! And here's a 1920 movie adaptation of "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," starring John Barrymore, the grandfather of Drew Barrymore!

lots of writers and publishers are prepared to waive future profits for entirely petty reasons

because of this the entire works of Philip K Dick [petty writer who found himself with lots of hangers on during his life] and HP Lovecraft [his publisher - who was his wife and hated him] became public domain on their death

Sherlock Holmes entered public domain this year, it's always worth checking because you can save a fortune

book is old because it’s in

the public domain

LibriVox has free public domain audiobooks.

Public domain works in the US are:

Anything published (in the US) from 1927 or earlier (this number goes up every year for quite a while), and

Anything published between 1928 and 1963 that wasn't renewed, and

Anything published before 1989 without a proper copyright notice.

(Don't go looking for things in that third category unless you've studied a LOT about copyright law. Mostly that covers things like "weird little newsletters" and "self-published booklets" and sometimes fanzines. But most publications have a copyright notice in them.)

There's also some oddball exemptions here and there; copyright law is a tentacled mess. But those are the basic guidelines. (Except for audio. Audio has its own set of rules. It's weird.) (I mentioned tentacles, did I not? Double the amount of them you were thinking of.)

There are a lot of works from the 50s and early 60s that were not renewed, especially short stories published in magazines.

Their son got caught up in a plot via a Supervillain, and he and a bunch of other teen heroes are trapped in a room slowly filling with water. The Supervillain is broadcasting the footage to the world, and just letting it play. Forcing heroes to watch their mentees die.

The teen heroes can't get out.

Until their own son, Danny, takes a deep breath and orders them all behind him. That he can do something. But they'll have to handle the rest.

Then, Danny screams.

The wall is blown clean off.

The teen heroes swoop in to drag him along, and they leave the room.

What the teens don't know, however, is that the cameras throughout the entire facility are recording and broadcasting as they come into view. Apparently, the Supervillain had accounted for this and wanted to broadcast them dying from other traps.

But the professional teen heroes are doing a great job clearing everything out.

Danny is...looking unwell.

Jack and Maddie are concerned. They didn't know he was a Meta, so he definitely didn't practice that power; had he pushed himself too hard?

Then the teen heroes notice and start asking.

Danny answers.

He's terrified of his parents finding out he's a Meta. He has a contingency to run away if they do. He says his parents are only focused on their inventions and hunting a certain group of interdimensional beings. That because of his abilities and Ecto-contamination, their weapons keep hurting him and they refuse to get rid of them, so he clearly knows what they value more.

That they might think he's possessed and harm him to "fix" him.

That he has nightmares about waking up on the operating table in their basement, cut open with his organs missing.

That whenever he sees his mother holding a knife or his father holding a gun, he has to fight the urge to run for safety.

And Jack and Maddie, being stared down by Black Canary and Green Arrow (who had been sent to comfort but are now bracing to protect their own son from them), feel like someone has carved out their own organs.

They have to be better.

They swim to the surface to talk and hopefully come up with a plan, which is difficult due to the new set of sharp teeth some of them had. It was obvious most of them were different types of mer. All of them had scales, fins and scaly arms from thier elbows to thier very sharp/ claws. Tim was all black with a dull and unnoticeable red tent to the tip of his claws and sharp edges to his fins. It didn't take a lot to prove he was poisonous.

Cass was very brightly colored to her surprise. Her tail was colored like a sunset and she looked the least threatening of the group and the most like a traditional mermaid.

Stephanie was overjoyed to be her favorite color! Her purple scales came in coordinated patches throughout her body, like a sort of armor. Her stomach, upper back, elbows and knuckles all had the thick hard scales decorating them. It was clear her species was made for combat.

Bruce and Damian looked largely the same with the difference being thier colors. They had claws like Tim, but no sharped fins or poison.

Dick looked the least like a mer out of all of them. His tail was long and thick, his fins were small but flexible which allowed him to be fast and limber in the water, doing loops and flips in a blur of blue and black. He was having an absolute ball.

Jason was the...shiniest of the group. His orange, red and gold scales glistened in any amount of light and attracted fish to them that would be immediately adopted by Damian. Jason quickly grew annoyed at all the fish coming to peck at his scales and started coating himself in mud...that would just fall off due to the smoothness of his scales. He was not having a great time.

Danny was lovely. He had long flowing fins like that of a beta fish sprouting all over his tail. His body looked like it was swathed in inky black silks at all times. This, combined with the scales on his arms ruching up to his mid biceps made him feel like a lady at one of those galas Sam hated so much. He felt pretty. His past experience flying through the sky with his ghostly tail was much appreciated now that he had to figure out this mess of scales and muscle.

His Phantom form was much the same, except he was entirely white and glowed like a star in the dark of the ocean, leaving him feeling (and looking) like a bride on thier wedding day. His friends could never find out about this or the teasing would never end.

Danny came into contact with this pod of mer a few days after they arrived. They were racing towards him while he was in his Phantom form, which wasn't unusual for fish, but mer? He had never made contact with any of the other mer unless one came up to him to flirt or try to kill him for being too close to thier territory.

Deciding to err on the side of caution, Danny kept turning invisible whenever he saw them coming his way. It wasn't too long before the batfam came up with a plan to sneak up on the other mer. They sent Tim, the most well defended and darkest colored of them to talk to him and maybe get some answers. Or at least directions.

Things went wrong almost immediately. Phantom flared his fins the moment Tim tapped his shoulder and caught him in the silky appendages. What no one realized was that his fins weren't made of cartilage or whatever, but were genuinely made of thin, strong muscle for capturing prey. Toxins filled Tim's body leaving his body to go slack in the others hold, and Danny was wounded by the razor edge of Tim's fins as Tim's own poison entered Dannys veins.

Laying in the tide pool in the cave, glow worms lighting everything just bright enough for Danny’s dim eyes to see him, the kid slept, more or less ok. He’d hurt like a bitch, to be sure, and Danny wasn’t sure how long until he’d be able to go back home (how was Danny ever going to explain this?), but he’d be fine. He stirred. Danny swam over and placed a hand to still him. There wasn't much point trying to explain; merfolks didn't have any real spoken language, though they did click and whistle sometimes, much like dolphins, or deep songs and sighs like whales. The rest was in body language, though that could be complicated due to differences in anatomy. In many ways, it reminded Danny of ghost speak. Long fanning fins draped about him as he surfaced. In his hands was a fish, dead as a doornail from the same venom still working wonders on the poor kid before him. Danny bit off a chunk of flesh and chewed it into a paste with knife-sharp teeth. He opened the kid’s mouth and spat the fish into it like a bird with a chick. He tried to think of it that way, or else he’d likely throw up, but the kid was still too weak to chew. Luckily, he got the idea and swallowed. After they got through the fish, Danny turned his attention to his injuries. The kid had some mean claws. Judging by the necrosis, they were venous in their own right. That would explain why he was so cocky. Unfortunately for him, the kid was pretty solidly outgunned in the venom area, not to mention Danny wasn't affected much by non-ghost poisons. He stitched up the tears (luckily, he’d had a first aid kit on him when he first got here) and did his best to sleep off whatever lingering effects the venom might be having.

They continued like this for a long time. (Or what felt like a long time; time didn’t necessarily work right for Danny.) Eventually, the kid could move on his own again, though he was still weak. He told Danny his name was Tim, that he was a human once upon a time, brought to this universe and this body against his will. His family was just trying to get home. They thought Danny might have some answers for them. (Foolish, Danny never had answers, even for himself.) Tim told Danny stories of his home, about the heroes and villains who filled it. He left out details, Danny could tell, leaving Danny wondering which hero he was. His money was on Red Robin. It was a while longer before Tim was strong enough to leave the cave, but eventually, Danny set out on his own (he still wasn’t great, and the more rest he could get, the better) and tracked down the mismatched pod he knew was Tim’s and glowing bright, guided them to their prodigal son.

Some art for ya. (Sorry I only sorta listened to the color descriptions, I got carried away.)

Jason: Lionfish (specifically based on a red lionfish)

Image description: A four page black and white comic of my tortoiseshell cat, Bunny, complaining that I won’t let her in from the screen porch.

Page 1 

Panel 1: A small tortoiseshell cat sits on the other side of a glass door, looking up sadly, saying, “Mama! Mama, help! I’m in the screen porch!” 

Panel 2: She scratches at the door. “Mama! Mama I’m trapped! I’m trapped in the screen porch! Mama!” she cries. 

Panel 3: She looks through the glass with her sad, innocent expression. “I see you, Mama! Can’t you hear me? Why won’t you let me in? What have I done, Mama!”

Panel 4: The left corner is dominated by a close up of her face, as she reminisces about the cat tree in the screen porch. We see her perched on the very top, looking out over the backyard.

She says, “Was I not grateful enough, Mama? You gave me a throne, here in the screen porch! A place where I could look down upon the world as a god!”

Page 2

Panel 1: While she’s perched atop her cat tree, it begins to rain outside. Bunny looks askance at it from behind the screen. 

“But I couldn’t touch it, Mama!” she narrates, now in boxes instead of word balloons, “I could see the rain lavish the earth, but never feel its cool caress!”

Panel 2: A paw rests on the screen. On the other side, two birds chirp, unbothered by the presence of Bunny.

 “I could smell the blood of the song birds, but never taste its warmth! I lived as Tantalus in this screen porch, Mama!”

Panel 3: Sitting on a cushioned chair, bunny looks out over the yard, barred from her by the porch screen. 

“Tormented by what I could never reach!” 

Page 3

Panel 1 : Another reminiscence, this time of Bunny running through the open door to the screen porch earlier that day while I was taking out the garbage. 

“And yet I returned, again and again and again! Was that my sin, Mama? Is this my punishment? To be condemned forever to a hell of my own choosing?” 

Panel 2: Returning to the present, Bunny looks up from the otherside of the door, her eyes wide.

“Is this what you call justice, Mama?” She says. “Is this what you call love?” 

Panel 3: From Bunny’s perspective we see me; I am ignoring her, going about my business. She calls out to me, “Answer me, Mama! Mama!”

Panel 4:I glance back at her, unmoved by her cries. “Mama!” she yells. 

Page 4

Panel 1: Pulling out we finally see more of the wall which has the door to the screen porch. Directly beside it is a cat door that goes through the wall, out into the screen porch. Another cat, Bunny’s sister Maggie, is coming through the cat flap with no issue.

 I say, “ Bunny, I know you know how to use the cat door.”

Clawing at the window, tears in her eyes, Bunny screams “MAMA!!”

Skulker threw him into a building so ecto-infested that Danny actually got a concussion.

Then at school he'd gotten green paint spilled on his shirt.

The day continued on that fucking train of luck.

He'd gotten fucking waterboarded in a toilet by Dash.

He'd gone to turn in his homework, only to realize he'd only dreamed about doing it in the thirty minute nap he'd gotten before school.

The schoolbus splattered him with a muddy puddle.

He lost one single shoe to the gutter in front of the busload of classmates.

The Observants didn't give him any time to breathe and immediately dragged him into a meeting about tax law, subtly insinuating that he was stupid when he was too tired to keep up.

Then, the icing on top; he'd gotten summoned.

The Justice League, trying to summon the High King of the Infinite Realms to force the creature into a contract where it would never attack their dimension, is met with uh.

Not what they thought.

A worn, soaking wet, one-shoe-only teenager covered in paint and mud with dazed eyes staring at them from inside a summoning circle that's impossible to escape from.

Then he breaks down, sinks to his knees, and to the absolute horror of everyone there; starts sobbing uncontrollably.

Jason was frustrated with life, of course he was a revenant without a way to get revenge with Bruce’s no kill rule. Doesn’t say he can’t get others to kill for him, so when he gets captured by cultists he decides to take a leap of faith and make his wish to the Ghost King before the cultists can make their stupid wish about world domination or something.

Danny: I'm half ghost. And uh, the government made it legal to hunt/kill me. So. Red Hood, protector of the downtrodden, avenger of the dead? Pretty safe bet to keep me half-alive that bit longer.

Jason: I have titles??

Lady Gotham doesn't out Danny as King. Just calls him Amitys protector. One of his earliest titles.

Now imagine the batfams reactions to this knowledge. Red Hood jr existing at all. Followed by wearing an armoured hood under the drama bucket?

They are just like.... Is this timeline shenanigans? Is this your future child???!? Past you? Are we sure he's not related. Actually fully sure!

Jason: He followed me home one day. He looked like a sad raccoon. How could I abandon him!

Danny: Oh! He saved me from human traffickers and I got attached.

Jason: He found me stabbed in an alleyway. Decided I clearly needed help getting home.

Danny: I'm from a different dimension, I'm pretty sure Jason is my alternate counterpoint!

Jason: I took him in as payment for a debt.

Danny: Oh! My parents tried to kill me. You know how Jason feels about that sort of thing!!

"Danyal, its time to end this game and return with me."

Danny should had known Clockwork had something in mind when he sent him on this mission. He knew he should had been suspicious of the time keeper when he noticed the little 'this is going to be fun' smile on his face when he sent Danny off into the portal.

"Get back here you demon spawn 2.0!"

But how was he supposed to know that he'd wake up in this world version of himself in a pit full of corrupted (AND NASTY) ectoplasim at the tender age of five or that when he swam up to the surface he'd be meeting face to face with what was apparently a cult.

"-O just spotted him a block away! I'll try to cut itty bitty bridie off!"

An Assassins Cult his, new to him, loving yet a little insane mother was in charge of (though during the few months he stayed in the compound he heard rumors and gossip from maids and others alike that if his grandfather returned from the dead he'll take over once again, no doubt punish Talia for creating another heir after the failure of the last one, most likely was going to kill Danny and that... that was can of worms Danny didn't wanna deal with yet)

"Ten bucks says they try to stab RR when we get the feral thing home"

"...Losers bet...."

Danny had lived with his mother for a while after being brought back from the 'dead' for apparently the first time, it turned out training a five year old with an actual sword and a dumbass hidden revenge seeking teacher was a terrible idea.

"I swear if this one tries to murder me like the others I'm asking Zatanna if there is a curse on me."

He dealt with her high demands of perfection, the endless training, and the constant comparisons to his apparent older brother Damain... Who didn't know Danny, or rather Danyal existed.

Nor did his father (when Danny, using his powers he's kept hidden since 'waking' up in this Realm, he sneaked his way around the base and discovered how he came into the world. And tbh he couldn't blame his mom how she made him, she was an assassin first and foremost, being naturally pregnant would had painted a target on her for to long... but he also felt it was unfair and an asshole move on his unsuspecting father as well)

"As your elder brother I demand you to stop running!"

Now don't get him wrong, he did like his new mother (total badass assassin lady and all that) and he knew she loved him in her own... deadly way. But yeah, she really shouldn't be taking care of kids. He could tell she struggled with wanting to be a normal mother but her first instinct after so many years was to be an assassin first.

Something she was trying to engrave into Danny with as well.

"Ah, hello Beloved. I see you've learned of our Danyal."

"Talia. Back away from him and leave Gotham now."

"I can not do that. The League needs an heir and since Damian refuses to return... I have decided to create a new one and I shall not be leaving until he returns with me."

"Talia."

Hence why when Danny, or rather Danyal al Ghul had gotten decent control over his powers he decided to leave the League. Again nothing wrong with the life his mom leads, to each their own, but he... really, really didnt want to be an assassin. Or an assassin heir.

So here he was, after almost a year on the run, using his powers and training to out smart and out maneuver his mother and her many band of Assassins, in Gotham. One of the last places he ever wanted to run to cause he knew his father and brother lived here.

It was just his luck that his mother had managed to intercept his train ride that passed into Gotham for a few hours and forced him to run into the city...

Add her assassins into the mix and running into Robin, who heard from Oracle his mother had been spotted chasing a young boy across the city, that same night.

After that it became a full on "catch me if you can" chase for not only his mother but for the batclan as well.

And after two whole days of chase, it seemed like the final showdown was about to begin because everyone was on top of this rooftop, his mother and her assassins on one side, his father and the batclan on the other and Danny well... he was right in the middle of all of it.

"Danyal. Come here," his mother ordered.

Nah. He loved her, just as she loved him. She wasn't exactly the sanest though. Neither was his dad, since he was a surprisingly popular out and proud furry. Danny was waiting. As soon as the two sides went after each other, he was going to make a run for it. His mom stepped forward, and the batclan leapt forward.

Danny dodged and weaved as the two sides clashed, trying to prevent the other from getting to him. Once he was pretty sure they were all distracted, he jumped down onto a fire escape and made himself invisible, running away. He couldn't hold it for long, but it should hold long enough for him to lose his tails for a bit. *** Danny was pretty sure he wasn't followed. He'd managed to make his way to the observatory. It was easy to sneak inside. He'd decided to use the techniques his mom had shown him. Danny was still tired from using his powers earlier. He paused at the gift shop, looking longingly at some of the posters, toys, and clothes. He could live without it, but it would be nice to have one of those.

Danny shook his head. He didn't want to steal.

Sighing, Danny moved on. He wanted to check out the movie room. It would be a nice place to sleep for the night, and he could fall asleep listening to the stars. Following the signs, he made it to the theater room. It was easy to find the console. From there, he turned on a video about the Hubble telescope and the James Webb telescope. Those would be fun.

Danny started them up, then meandered down to the rows of chairs. He laid down in the first row, spreading himself out across two of the seats. They were cushioned nicely. He'd been taught how to fall asleep when in uncomfortable situations. Danny drifted off hearing the narrator talk about the galaxies.

***

He woke up hearing two people talking, asking who had been the last to lock up for the night, how could they have left the projector running. Danny scrambled to get up and hide. It was child's play to sneak back out. His stomach grumbled. He'd had to steal food this past year in order to say alive. He didn't like it, but it was necessary. Danny made his way to a fancy looking grocery store that wasn't that far away.

His mouth watered seeing the fruits and vegetables. He'd hated them in his last life, but he appreciated them so much more in this one, where he rarely got enough to eat. Danny went in, looking for an adult to hang around who he could pretend he was with. There. There was an elderly gentleman stocking up his cart, filling it full. Danny made his way to the man and hovered around him, but not too close.

Danny stole an apple and an orange, hiding them in his hoodie. He also snuck a chocolate bar. Life was tough. Some sugar would do him good. Not only that, but chocolate was full of magnesium. That was an important micronutrient. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the elderly man say to the cashier.

"Add an apple, and orange, and a kit kat bar. I'm afraid my grandson has squirreled them away. He refused breakfast, so of course he is hungry now." Danny's head snapped up, assessing the man.

He had white hair and was balding at the top. He looked stern, but there was a kindness to him. Afterall, why else would he have paid for Danny's stuff? He followed the man out of the store.

"Thanks. You didn't have to do that," Danny admitted, scuffing the ground with his toe, ashamed yet grateful.

"No. There is a a small bakery and coffee shop down the street. If you help me put the items in my car, I'm more than happy to get you breakfast," the man explained. Danny nodded. It was a good trade, not only that, but it was easy to help the man. He told Danny his name was Alfred Pennyworth. Danny just said his name was Danny.

At the cafe, Mr. Pennyworth got some tea and scones while Danny got hot chocolate and an egg quiche with vegetables. It was really yummy. Danny tried to savor the drink. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had something so yummy. Definitely not since waking up in this body.

"Some of my grandsons will be here shortly. They were in the area. I do hope you won't mind them joining," Mr. Pennyworth told him calmly.

"Okay," Danny mumbled. Maybe he should try to leave before that... he was kinda gross and stinky.

He didn't really have a chance to leave though, as it felt like just seconds later, three men entered the store. The oldest, silver just starting to enter his hair, sat down next to Danny. He shifted uncomfortably. It was going to be harder to leave now. He didn't want to act suspicious and attract attention though.

"Bruce! What a surprise. I'd thought it was just going to be Tim and Damian."

"I was the one who drove them out here! Tim wanted to check out the observatory," Bruce said joyfully before turning to look at Danny. It kinda unnerved him. It reminded him of his mother's gaze, picking him apart, looking for Danny's flaws. He hated it. He needed to get out of here!

"Hello there! I'm Bruce Wayne! Nice to meet you! Where did Alfred pick you up at?" Was this something Mr. Pennyworth did often? Danny thankfully didn't have to answer as the boys sat down. One was older, probably sixteen or seventeen while the other looked to be twelve. "Here's yours," the elder one said sliding a cup to Bruce. He then sat next to Alfred, the twelve year old sitting at the end of the table.

"Thank you Tim." He was turning to ask Danny something again, something Danny didn't want. So he decided to jump in.

"Tim! You wanted to go to the observatory. What did you want to see there?" Tim blinked.

"Uh, they updated the documentary to include new information since the James Webb telescope was launched a little while ago."

Perfect.

“Wow. You know a lot about the stars. Would you like to come with us to the observatory?” Bruce was smiling, but it was softer this time and didn’t feel as fake. It still felt weird. Why was this family accepting him? It was really suspicious. 

“Oh no, I couldn’t. It’s your family that you were going to do with Tim and Damian,” Danny protested. 

He wanted to go. He did. But he shouldn’t. Also, this was Gotham? He’d heard so much about this city, who in the world were these people that they were like: ah, let’s take that street urchin in his ratty and stinky clothes to an observatory! Were they trying to kidnap him? Probably. Ah well, he could kick their asses when they revealed their hand and then leave. Danny was still trying to lay low and hide from his mother and his father, the Batman. Mother might suspect him of going to an observatory. She did know him, and knew that he liked stars. Probably? Was he giving her too much credit? She had him on purpose because her other son hadn’t turned out the way she wanted. Mother hasn’t been thrilled to discover his interest in space. No, she’d just wanted the perfect soldier, the perfect heir. 

She’d lost that when she’d killed her son and revived him in the Lazarus Pit. 

Older Danny’s memories had meshed with his younger, reincarnated selves ones, but older Danny had so many more memories and a lot more life experience. Little Danny? Not so much. The love he had for his mother had stayed though. 

“Oh, I insist,” Bruce said, putting his hand gently on Danny’s shoulder. 

Danny bit his lip. He glanced around at the others. Damian hadn’t said a word, just watching Danny. He had the same gaze as his father, Bruce, had initially. As if he was trying to look into Danny’s soul. Alfred looked serene and calm as ever. Danny felt safer if both Tim and Alfred would come with. 

“Will you be coming too, Mr. Pennyworth?” Danny asked, trying to give his best innocent and cute look at the older gentleman. He also subtly pushed off Bruce’s hand, not liking it on him.

“I’m afraid I must get the groceries home. They would not survive a trip to the observatory,” Mr. Pennyworth said. Danny frowned. That sucked. 

“Oh. Well, I wouldn’t want to impose…” yes, nice and easy, get away from this nice but really weird family. 

“You wouldn’t be imposing! Don’t worry about cost either! I have plenty of money,” Bruce chuckled. 

“Yuck,” Danny blurted, then blushed. Okay, so he kinda hated rich people. He blamed Vlad. Tim let out a surprised laugh, although he tried to stop it as quickly as he could. Damian, however, bristled.

“How dare you say that! Father is one of the most generous men on the planet and his charities help the people of this city and those all around the world!” Bruce put his hand on Damian’s shoulder. 

“It’s alright, son. I don’t think Danny knows who we are. I’m Bruce Wayne, does that ring a bell?” It did, but Danny didn’t want to tell him that. 

“No,” Danny told the man before finishing off his hot chocolate. It was a little cold at this point, but it was still good. He’d finished the quiche during his discussion with Tim. Decisions though. He really, really wanted to explore the observatory while it was open and not at night… 

“I’ll go, but you have to answer one question first,” Danny told Bruce, looking up at him. He was going to have so much fun messing with this trillionaire. 

“Of course!” Danny was going to make him regret that. They would either let him leave or still take him after this question. Probably let him leave. 

“You’re not a pedophile, are you?” 

Bruce’s eyes widened, and he looked stunned. Damian stood up and started yelling. Mr. Pennyworth looked perturbed. Tim looked like he wasn’t sure if he was going to laugh or cry. What could he say? He was a bit of a chaos gremlin. 

***

To Danny’s utter amazement, the Waynes still wanted to take Danny to the observatory. 

They had to have some sort of ulterior motive. No one would have taken Danny after he asked Bruce that so bluntly. Were they connected to the Bats? Or his Mother? Either way, Danny was just going to use them a bit, making them go with him to every single exhibit, check out all of the telescopes, and watch as many of the movies in the theater as possible. Tim though, Tim had been the one to surprise Danny by getting him a few items from the gift shop. A little model rocket, a poster of a few different galaxies, and even some astronaut food. 

It was really nice of the teen. 

Damian had been extremely bored and clearly did not want to be there. He kept trying to tell Danny what to do and how to act, which just made Danny want to do the exact opposite. It was honestly fun to make the other kid mad. When he did, he would hide behind Tim’s leg and give the older teen the most innocent look he could manage. Bruce looked super tired from dealing with their squabbles. 

If he couldn’t handle it, he shouldn’t have invited Danny along! 

That led to the interesting conundrum. It was becoming dark, and the observatory was about to close. Bruce and his kids didn’t seem to want Danny to leave. It was super suspicious. They were outside now, Danny holding his little bag of goodies. While he could be subtle when he wanted to be, now really wasn’t the time for subtlety. Walking forward in front of the little family, Danny turned to face them. He was prepared to run if they made any weird moves. 

“What makes you think we have anything to do with your parents? Whoever they are,” Bruce asked. Danny rolled his eyes. 

“Please. Any normal person would want to get away from me as soon as I asked if they were a pedophile. The fact that you didn’t leave me alone right after that? Super suspicious. I may be five, but I’m not dumb,” Danny told them, annoyed. Sometimes being so little was helpful, sometimes it really, really sucked! 

The three people studied Danny. He fidgeted. 

“Well? Are you going to answer my question?” Danny demanded. 

“We’re with… Batman,” Bruce reluctantly said. 

“Yeah, I thought so. None of you really seem like people my mom would associate with.” Apparently, that was funny, as Tim covered his mouth with a hand to muffle his laughter. 

“Why would you think that?” Damian questioned, crossing his arms and… pouting? Ancients, was the twelve year old kid really pouting? It was only because Danny had been taught how to read even the most subtle body language by his assassin mom that he could tell the other boy was upset.

“Uh, you’re not all stabby and don’t really seem super dangerous,” Danny explained. That seemed to get Tim even more, as he made a strangled sound and pulled out his phone. 

“I need to tell Jason. He’s going to love this so much,” Tim managed to wheeze out. Danny was not waiting around till Jason showed up. He was getting out of here. 

“Anyway, good to know that you’re with the caped furry. I hope to NEVER see you again,” he told them cheerily. 

“WAIT!” Damian yelled, grabbing Danny’s hand. Danny frowned at the surprisingly strong grip. “Don’t you want to meet your older brother?” 

“Uh, no,” Danny told the other boy. Damian’s face went stony at the answer. “I’ve been compared to my older brother my entire life. Mother said that once I beat my teacher, I could learn his name and once I beat her I could learn my father’s name. I don’t want to know, though. Mother always said I was slower than him, I didn’t learn as quickly as him. I wanted to yell at her so many times that I wasn’t him! I’m Danyal. I’m Danny. I don’t want to be my brother. I want to be nothing like him! Mother boasted how he’d completed his first kill at three. I’ve never killed anyone. I love my mom, but she’s not exactly sane and really shouldn’t be raising a kid.” 

“So I ran away, and there’s no way I’m going to get involved with Batman, because if Mother picked him to be my father, then he’s probably not really sane either. I mean, he runs around at night in his fursona!” Danny argued. He tugged at his arm. “Now let me go!”

Damian wasn’t letting go though. In fact, his grip just got tighter. Danny tried a few techniques he’d learned from his Mother, but none of them worked. Damian had a smug expression on his face as Danny struggled to get away. Bruce and Tim got closer, caging him in. 

Well, screw that! 

“Yeah, no, bye!” Danny told them, turning intangible to Damian’s hand slid off him, his eyes ridiculously wide in shock. 

Not bothering to see the other’s reactions, Danny turned and ran, gripping his bag of goodies tightly. He heard them chasing after him. His legs were short, but all he needed to do was get to the shadows, then he could turn invisible and get away. It didn’t matter if they saw he had powers at this point. He just needed to get away. 

***

The bad thing about spending the whole day in the observatory was that Danny hadn’t picked a nice, safe spot to sleep for the night. Once he was sure he was far enough away from the Waynes, he’d dropped his invisibility then wandered. He’d received so many looks from others. Whatever. Danny could take care of himself. He could tell it was going to rain. He needed to find a place to get some shelter and keep warm for the night. 

Danny found a nice little space to hide and keep warm, under the roof of a large building. The overhang was large enough that it kept him dry. The thick stone slabs on the… bank. It was a bank. The outside of the bank was warm. Well, warmer than elsewhere. From up here, Danny could watch the street and everything that was going on. The bag rustling, he pulled out the model rocket, admiring it. It was really, really nice of Tim to buy this for him. It was a model of the Javelin, the type of rocket that was a spaceship and a jet. It was used exclusively by the Justice League. 

This type of technology hadn’t existed in his old world. He really wanted to fly in one. Or look at the engine of it. Saw how it worked. The specs on it. Danny wanted to know about the aerodynamics of the plane, the material used to make it both sturdy and heatproof for reentry into the atmosphere. He couldn’t always let his adult side take over, or dominate him. So Danny let his younger side out, making the Javelin fly around above him, making soft zooming noises. He thought about if he went with his dad, with Batman, maybe he could get to fly in one. 

Danny shook his head, dispelling that thought. 

It was a nice one, but he didn’t want anything to do with the Bat themed vigilante or the bird themed ones that seemed to flock around him. Danny just wanted to be a normal kid. Well, as normal as he could be. It wasn’t worth sacrificing his normalcy or his freedom to fly in a Javelin, as cool as it would be. Danny put the model on his chest and sighed. He tensed as he heard two people land on the ground by the entrance to the bank. It was Nightwing and Red Hood. Nightwing was hiding something behind his back, a smile on his face.

“That sure was a big sigh! Are you doing alright up there, Danny?” Nightwing asked kindly, giving him a small wave. 

Oh great. 

“I’m fine. Go away,” Danny ordered. 

“Okay. If you come down though, I’ll give you this!” Nightwing brought out what looked like a Build a Bear in an astronaut costume. It was tempting, but Danny wasn’t falling for it. 

“Pass,” Danny told him. Red Hood snickered. Danny eyed him. 

“Are you going to try and convince me to come down too?” He asked the anti-hero. 

“Nah,” came the robotic voice. A voice changer. “I’m just here to watch Goldie fail.” 

“Little wing!” Nightwing complained. Wait a minute. 

“Little wing? Red Hood is bigger and taller than you. How is he little?” Danny asked. 

“Well, he’s younger than me,” Nightwing explained, as if it explained anything! 

“So… Do you call people older than you Big wing?” Danny questioned. The logic wasn’t really logicing for him. Red Hood started chuckling. It sounded kinda weird with the voice modulator. 

Ancients, this place got weirder and weirder the more he learned about it. 

This place wasn’t going to work for the night. He got the feeling that Nightwing was like an overactive golden retriever puppy. Sorry Nightwing, Danny preferred Rottweilers and Doberman. They reminded him of Cujo. He really wanted to sleep. It’d been such a good day at the observatory messing with Damian and hanging out with Tim. He’d liked Mr. Pennyworth too. 

He was shivering and cold, his head was pounding, and snot was dripping from his nose. He’d caught a cold. Danny coughed weakly. His immune system was pretty good, and it had always been good as a halfa. Not eating enough, not getting enough sleep, and being soaked for a while had taken their toll and how he was sick. 

Weakly, Danny stumbled off of the couch, clinging to the blankets around him. They dragged behind him like a little cape. He made his way to the door that had to be Red Robin’s bedroom. Danny knocked. It was faint, way too faint. Gritting his teeth, Danny knocked harder so it could actually be heard. He waited, swaying slightly. Oh, there was movement from inside the bedroom. The door opened, and Danny was looking up at Tim. What was Tim doing - oh. Tim = Red Robin. If his brain was currently trying to boil itself to make him feel better, Danny would think that over a bit more. 

The tool bag is now orbiting our planet just ahead of the ISS with a visual magnitude of around 6, according to EarthSky. That means it is slightly less bright than the ice giant Uranus, the seventh planet from the sun. As a result, the bag  —  officially known as a crew lock bag  —  is slightly too dim to be visible to the unaided eye, but skywatchers should be able to pick it up with binoculars.  To see it for yourself, first find out when you can find spot the space station over the next few months (NASA even has a new app to help you). The bag should be floating two to four minutes ahead of the station. As it descends rapidly, the bag is likely to disintegrate when it reaches an altitude of around 70 miles (113 kilometers) over Earth. 

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

Danny gets a job as the Wayne's PA, and while working with Bruce, he notices something.

The dude's a ditz, for sure, but also.

Also...

He isn't.

Danny realizes it's an act, and that actual ditzyness from the professionals around him drive his new boss up a wall.

But Bruce can't actually point it out, or he reveals that he isn't as ditzy as they say.

Danny decides to have fun; with his powers, he can play an even bigger himbo than Bruce Wayne. (Intangibility will be sure to outplay the Prince of Gotham's clumsiness).

Every time he does his job well, he makes sure to do it in an oblivious fashion that seems like it's going to fail, but then works beautifully.

It's a lot of work, but...the subtle eye twitch of internalized rage? The forced exhale of a quiet, agonized scream of frustration? The sometimes subconscious clenching of the man's fist?

Fucking worth it.

Oh yeah.

Danny’s been trained his entire life for this.

First day of the job. Danny comes in to bring coffee during a meeting, he accidentally spills it all over the documented paperwork. That paperwork however, was to pressure Bruce into signing it after his previous investment failed (due to sabotage) and the shareholders for the project were going to reject it (it was a new hospital that provided free healthcare and patch ups for kids in crime alley) so before Bruce could gather the evidence to expose them, they were going to pressure Bruce to sign the contract which would bind him to their side so any evidence would drag down Wayne enterprises too. But ON NO! The contract is now completely destroyed! Whoopsie! Bad intern. Very bad intern. Oh well! Looks like they’ve have to make a new one for the shareholders to sign. And if Bruce conveniently came to the next meeting with evidence, we’ll, it was just a happy accident. But he should really talk to the new assistant. It would be bad if that happened to actually important documents.

Day 2. Something went wrong with the copying machine. Danny decided to fix it. The copy machine went on a rampage yet nothing was broken and it ended up printing even more copies including the copies waiting to be printed on everyone’s desks (and downloading the files). So while it looked like the machine went around the office eating everyone’s papers it ended up spitting out the copies onto their desks at the same time and ironically, they were ahead of schedule despite the mess.

Day 3. Villain attack. Danny ‘didn’t see’ the villain when he opened that door…by the stairs….he swears! He also didn’t see those goons when he tripped over the rug and hit the copy machine. (The goons saw the copy machine though. They couldn’t run in time a copy machine is unaffected by fear gas.)

Day 10. Danny accidentally sets off the speinklers? There was a fire in lab 24 that was far too close to an experimental chemical they collected from a recent alien invasion to analyze.

Day 42. Oh is that Lex Luthor? I’m sorry, I can’t find your name on the list. A list Lex hacked so his name would be on it but Danny must have ‘dropped’ that piece of paper.

Day 105. A guy randomly broke into the building looking like he was having a panic attack. Oh! Must be a new intern! So here is the schedule, and here is the lounge. Since you aren’t on the clock why don’t you sit down with a blanket and oh no! We’re out of coffee! Guess you’ll have to make due with hot chocolate. What? Mister Bruce sir, that guy wasn’t an intern? Oh well, Jason seemed like he needed a moment to calm down anyways.

Day 136. Danny messes up the schedule. Oh well! He’s committing to the bit! Did that conveniently make time so Batman and Red Robin were able to patrol at the exact moment Bruce an Tim were off? Huh, interesting. It’s almost like the schedule accounted for patrol. Lucky!

Day 179. Danny needs to arrange an inventing convention? Well, let’s just move this here, and this there. Yes, the conspiracy board with red strings is nessasary. It all looks like a chaotic mess. What? You calculated the trajectory of the public traffic so that they would enter based on what they were interested in and make a natural path route for them? And the convention has a 68% increase in success rate? Fascinating.

Day 222. Batman almost revealed as Bruce Wayne. Danny deciding that in order to be the perfect ‘guardian of paperwork’ he must dress the part. There is no dress code anyways. So he comes to work as Batman. For weeks, and even gets the other employees to do so. Man, imagine that the only reason people saw Bruce under the Batman mask was because the boss was part of this mass dress up. Unbelievable, the media feels scammed.

Day 255. Danny trips and lets off the fire alarm? Well, good thing no one was in that building when the plane crashed into it. That could have been bad.

Day 263. Danny must go and organize all this paperwork? Oh it’s done, but no one understands the system. Except Tim in his sleep deprived brain. His work efficiency increased 2 fold (and he laughed at the little comments Danny added to some things). Oh look! He found the paper with Luthor’s name on it!

Day 309. Cyber attack. Danny did…something to the computer. Yes, it was shut down for 24 hours, but all files were somehow saved with only a few things deleted (sorry embezzling account. Looks like you have been discovered, along with all cyber spies, attacks, somehow added extra security, and yet no important projects were deleted? Only a few programs and files of corrupt corporations? Sorry, looks like you’ll have to implement the paper work again.)

Zuko and Toph enjoy travelling together and their favourite disguise in the earth kingdom is: Strong earthbending noble escorting her shy, reclusive older brother.

People thought the Bei Fongs had one (1) daughter who was tiny, blind and fragile - until suddenly she was the avatar's earth bending master, so the public have accept that they know nothing about the Bei Fongs. Who's the say they DIDNT have another child that they carefully hid away? Especially considering THIS child is dressed in neutral browns and muted golds with a veil obscuring his face. And sometimes people catch a glimpse of gold eyes or scar tissue through the gauzy fabric. It makes sense that the Bei Fongs would hide away a child born of an affair with a firebender.

Toph loves playing the part of escort. She gets to boss him about, and drag him all around the best restaurants, and ordering an outrageous amount of food for him. It's nice having people default to speaking to HER as the authority figure, after spending so much time in the presence of the Avatar and the Fire Lord.

And Zuko gets to be anonymous. He's not the Fire Lord when he puts that veil on, he's a reclusive and fragile noble who no one looks to to make decisions. He gets to switch his brain off and let Toph drag him around and speak for him. It's freeing.

The older nobility don't like that Zuko is a product of an affair AND has Fire Nation blood. Which just makes the younger nobility even more interested. They don't get many chances to rebel (esp in a way thats still sort of socially acceptable) but when they do, they grab it with both hands.

So Toph has to field a sudden barrage of questions and letters of interest and request for courtship about her "brother." Zuko is mortified. Toph is delighted. She gets to play the overprotective family member in a purposeful way that embarrasses Zuko even further.