allie pressman

In this ‘new world’ Kelly was different maybe most people were and maybe that was a good thing. It was almost like when she looked in the mirror she wasn’t really seeing herself anymore but maybe this Kelly was the Kelly she was always meant to be. The person who learns or has learned to help people rather than talking down to them or making them feel small for no reason.  Kelly really hadn’t been sleeping much these days as she’d been working and studying so much at the hospital, she was studying up on everything and anything that could and would make one sick and on top of that, she had a close eye on her who was still in her coma. With her eye on her book that she had thankfully found in the libary her looked up when she heard a sound. 

Hello. Who’s there?” She asked, her voice strong in order to not sound scared. 

allie couldn’t remember the last time she’d set foot in here, mostly because things had been so fucking crazy lately. but she had this issue that she didn’t want to tell anyone about where it burned when she peed, and she’d figured she should just look up a solution on her own.

but somebody was already here, kelly, and she was quickly rethinking that plan. “um, me. allie. what are you doing here?”

robbie grinned wide at her friend, her first genuine smile of the hour, but allie well deserved it. robbie knew her best friend like the back of her hand, but even this had shocked her beyond belief. maybe her influence on the girl was a bit on the darker side, but this had brought a smile to allie’s face and that’s all that mattered. 

“ hey, my exploits were duly noted and not a secret. “ she chuckled, gentle nudging her friend. robbie knew her reputation. she didn’t quite care. “ ok, rule one about having sex — sex talks are the best talks. whether it’s in the bed or after during gossip, it’s amazing. all the gruesome details make it worth the while. “

allie didn’t know how exactly she felt about the whole thing. she didn’t know if she should tell anyone else, or how. sex itself had been kind of underwhelming. was that normal? she couldn’t help but scoff a little at robbie’s insistence.

“i’m not keeping any secrets! we’re duly noting my one exploit right now.” allie was inclined to make her drop the whole thing and change the subject, but... she kind of did want to talk about it. at least just to get another opinion. and robbie’s opinion, she trusted more than anyone. “that’s gross and so weird. i mean, if that’s the way it’s done, think about how many people lucas has probably told all the intimate details of your adventures to!”

“better than chocolate and peanut butter? statistically nothing,” she grinned. tess was glad she could distract allie for just a few minutes, even with nonsense. “we went to hershey park once. they dress up like at disney except they’re walking candy bars. i honestly thought monty was going to pee himself when we saw the kit kat.”

allie raised her eyebrows insistently while her mouth was full of that sweet & salty goodness. “exactly,” she murmured around the sticky treat. she couldn’t help but laugh at the image of monty and tess in the midst of giant candy bars. “that’s amazing. i haven’t been on a rollercoaster in so long.”

some form of happiness washed over robbie’s face, her lips curling upwards in a small smile as she saw her friend relax for a moment. the stress that had been weighing above them for the last several hours was exhausting, and it was doing no good towards their situation, so to forget it for a moment was a somewhat miracle. 

allie shushed her and robbie merely responded with a laugh and a vigorous shaking of her head. “ dude, you really are crazy. “ she chuckled. “ but i’m happy for you ! god, i’ve been waiting for this sex talk forever. “

allie could almost not believe she’d done it. maybe just because of today’s circumstances, or maybe because it was harry, or maybe... maybe because she thought she was someone else. who would need a relationship to lose her virginity.

“what a guy, honestly. a true hero to our country. forget the founding fathers, they did absolutely nothing in comparison. who needs basic human rights when you can have chocolate,” she chuckled.

“braver than a us marine, truly,” allie agreed, finding herself laughing. almost forgetting where they were. why tess was trying so hard to get her mind off it. “i mean, what’s better than chocolate and peanut butter?”

just hearing allie laugh was music to her ears— she feared she’d never hear a real laugh fall from her lips again, that while cassandra was in a coma, allie would be in a box. it gave a bit of relief to robbie, and for the time being, she could breathe easy.

but just as the realization of her words came to sight, robbie’s eyes went wide and she turned to her best friend. “ harry bingham ? “ she exclaimed, a hand swatting out to slap her arm, gently. 

“ you little bitch ! “ she laughed, head tilting back. “ girl, you should’ve told me you liked him before ! he hangs around lucas’ place like a puppy, i could’ve gotten you in months ago. “

allie was surprising herself a lot lately. hanging out with harry, more than hanging out with harry, and now somehow feeling normal while waiting for her sister to wake up after a car accident. things were strange. maybe this was the new normal.

she shushed robbie at her fast response and blushed fiercely. “yeah...!” she admitted, shaking her head. “crazy, right?”

her mouth fell open in shock and wry laughter and she nudged her friend’s shoulder. “i didn’t like him. or i didn’t know i liked him, i guess.”

                    The slight brush of their hands as Allie grabbed the mug caused gaze to finally land on her once again. It was nothing compared to last night, but it stirred up something. What that was, Harry couldn’t say. All of this would have been CONFUSING before the accident — now it still was, but seemed rather pointless. Which the the timeline of events it was. But selfishly ?? It didn’t feel inconsequential, as it usually did. && that’s what felt odd, made him feel all the more out of place in his own body.

          It was his turn to STARE — attempting to map out the scramble of his mind. His reaction was  s l o w  , a forced grin. “Oh, most definitely. A West Ham High meal, only the mystery meat might not even be meat.” He lightly jested with a bit of his usual sarcasm. He sucked in a long breath of air, tongue darting over lips out of nerves, UNSTEADY. 

“Look, I just wanted to —”

                ‘BINGHAM !!’ A deep voice broke apart his thought ; any warmth, concern that he held for only Allie to see vanished as raven gaze peered over his shoulder to the intruder. One of the ‘good guys’, someone coming to save the day, he supposed.

                      Harry didn’t pay much attention though the — ‘We all know how you feel about Cassandra’ message was CLEAR. AKA, get the fuck out. On another day, on other circumstances, he would have fought back — the anger always flickering within, threatening to build with each passing day, another kindling wood to the flame. But he didn’t, instead the guy was met with the usual roll of his eyes before they turned to once again meet blue. Let me know if you need anything. The moment brief, he forced a smirk as he spun on this heel, clapping a threatening hand over the dude’s shoulder. “Good talk.”  Ah — there’s the Harry sarcasm, back in full force.

she could feel his eyes on her, even as she glanced back at cassandra, stared into her tea while it was too hot to drink, adjusted its place on the bedside table awkwardly. but he managed a smile, and that made it so much easier for her to smile back. “like pretending beef jerky is meat,” she added on.

her brows raised curiously when he started to speak again, in a tone that was clearly more serious than before. this was something that probably needed to be said. she thought she could guess—“last night was a mistake, we shouldn’t have”—but she didn’t have a chance.

shit. she probably should’ve expected this. it was no secret that harry and cass didn’t get along. but did anyone really think he would’ve run her over? besides... allie knew where he was last night. “no, it’s- it’s fine,” she insisted, but it fell on deaf ears.

allie had thought about where all this crazy bullshit was headed a number of times. she had never imagined that someone might try to kill her sister. she was trying to help! as she trudged upstairs, allie tried to let all her many complicated feelings go. she was pissed. she was exhausted. she was fucking miserable.

she sank into her bed with her backpack next to her, not bothering to take the clothes she’d been wearing all this time off. she yanked her hair out of its ponytail and lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of any part of the last few days.no luck.

she curled onto her side and opened her bag, looking for a water bottle and finding, instead, cassandra’s notebook. every thought she’d written down during committee meetings, all her good ideas—and maybe even a few bad ones, too. allie thumbed through without thinking, mindlessly glancing over lists of jobs and scribbled questions. she reached the end of the marked pages and flipped the rest under her fingers.that’s when she saw the writing in the back.

     “    - allie gets the house and all of its contents           - except the books, grizz gets my books           - anything allie doesn’t want can be donated           - give out pictures I have to the people in them           - burn my underwear                                               ”

it was... a will. cassandra was planning, just in case something happened. allie burst out laughing despite the morbidity of it all. that was just like her sister—plan for the worst, never tell a soul you’re not as optimistic as you seem.

the next page made her eyes well up immediately. “ ALLIE ” it read, her sister’s perfect handwriting filling up long paragraphs. “ i don’t even know where to start. this has always been the hardest part of dying - knowing that i have to leave you. and now it’s worse because i have to leave you here, in this place, without our parents. i’m sorry. i’m sorry for any pain i have ever caused you, for taking up so much of our parents’ time, for not lasting longer.

but now you get to be you. not cassandra pressman’s little sister. you get to be allison pressman. you can have a life where you don’t have to constantly be afraid that i’ll suddenly be gone. and i know you probably can’t see how that’s a good thing but i hope you do eventually. you’re so beautiful and smart and funny so be you. and if people don’t like it, punch them in the face. okay maybe don’t. but maybe do it in your mind, it helps me sometimes.

i want you to take my spot on the committee. because contrary to whatever ridiculous idea you had in your head, i absolutely believe that you’re completely capable of it. i would’ve put you on the committee instead of myself to begin with if i could’ve. you could run this town way better than i tried to. and i was only there because you were the one who pushed me. because you reminded me that our school was filled with idiots and that i had to take care of you. i hope i did a good enough job. taking care of you. to ensure that you’re happy ( as happy as you can be here ) and healthy and safe.

i’ve threatened the hell out of grizz in his letter that he better protect you or i’ll haunt him forever. and i know robin will because she’s always been so good to you and i’m so grateful for it. i wish i’d had the chance to tell her that.

okay, i need to stop writing now because if i don’t i will end up writing you a novel even i wouldn’t want to read. i even debated writing you a whole page of ‘i’m sorry’ so you could frame it as evidence. but i am sorry and i hope you know that i wouldn’t leave you if i had a choice. i would never leave you. i love you so much allie and i always will.

love, cassandra ” 

allie sniffled and used her sleeve to sop up the tears running down her cheeks. she had to wake up. there was too much in this letter that allie had to argue with her about for cassandra not to wake up. she found letters for grizz, peyton, and even harry. of course, cassandra wouldn’t leave them without instruction. without a picture of the future.

somehow, she felt clearer, even with the mixed feelings she had about how ready cassandra was to die. it made sense. no matter how much allie hated that she was reading her sister’s will and last words, it was... fitting.

robbie wasn’t sure if they were all awake, living in this alternate whatever the fuck this was, she was half convinced it was all a terrible, terrible dream. but the other half was aching at her sides— that it really was only them. that they were stranded with nowhere to go. it was a scary thought, even for her.

as the girl complemented her handywork, she chuckled. “ knew you’d love it. “ she smirked, continuing to work her fingers. she was tempted to make a dirty comment, but she kept it under wraps. 

but then allie started talking and she became a bit more alert to her words. “ not mushy ? don’t panic ? it better be important. “ she teased her friend.

allie always knew robbie was watching out for her. she had her back. she always knew if something was up. if she believed in that kind of thing, she’d say they were soulmates. but the more crazy crap life threw at her, the less-inclined she was to give the powers that be any trust.

robbie, though, had her trust forever. she smiled a little bit, but it was wrapped in nerves from the whole situation. maybe she would never not be nervous again.

but she took a deep breath and blurted out, “i had sex last night.” and then she started giggling like a lunatic. “with harry bingham.”

tess leaned in as well, close enough that anyone walking by easily could’ve thought the two were having a moment. and they were. “i’m pretty sure the dude who created them was named reese, otherwise, why call it reese’s? that means it belongs to reese. it’s got to be him!”

allie shook her head slowly, mind blown. she popped the little treat into her mouth and savored every chew. “i mean, you have to be right, it makes so much sense,” she agreed. “thank you, reese. we love you, man.”

                    A COMATOSE STATE — it’s one of those things that always happens in the movies, something to add a bit of drama, angst to the plot. In a fucked up way, death was almost easier. Only because at least then there was an answer. But what happens now ?? In a movie she’d wake up after some prolific moment, like some wild declaration, or an apology && shit would be fine && dandy. But this wasn’t the movies, or if it was, it was certainly more of the horror variety. 

                    It would be easier to say she’ll wake up, it’ll be okay ; that’s what people are SUPPOSED to do. But fuck, what if ?? Harry knew  h o p e  could be dangerous too. Instead he nodded. “Well — sometimes okay is just enough, or it has to be at least.” Shoulders slowly slumped, the slightest ease of nerves. “Tea ?? I can do that.” A pause, he awkwardly nodded once more before turning on his heel, walking down the vast, overly white hall to the drink station.

          He could leave now, just keep walking instead. But feet remained in place, watching the steam as hot water slowly trickled into the mug. COFFEE he knew about, but tea ?? Ehh, he made a guess && went with chamomile, knowing in times like these making any sort of decision could be exhausting ; better not to think. 

                    Harry lingered in the doorway once more before finally taking those last few steps, placing the mug on the table beside her. “That alright ?? Hospital food is complete fucking shit, but you made a good choice; tea should be safe.”

she was staring at him. too hard. she knew she was and yet, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. they’d had sex. her sister was in a coma. they’d had sex and here he was checking in on her sister who he hated who was in a coma.

after the buses abandoning them here, allie had thought her life couldn’t get any stranger. yeah, right. she nodded slowly, biting the inside of her cheek. cass was okay. sort of okay. better than keiran, at least. god, that was a terrible thing to think.

allie barely noticed harry turn away, so wrapped up in whether it was immoral or realistic to use the boy who’d just died as a scale on which to judge her sister’s health. trying to rectify the damage she might’ve just done to her self-image by thinking such a thing. at least we found her heart meds. at least she isn’t badly hurt. at least she could wake up.

some could never understand the bond these girls shared, some even questioned how one could ever know the other— but that was their dynamic; defying the impossible. allie had caught robbie at one of the most transforming part of her life, only getting a year or two of her former self before everything changed. every aspect of her personality, her attitude, had flipped and the grief-ridden girl beside her had been there for her through it all. every screaming match, every meltdown, she was there. for that, she could never repay her. that value was too much. but she’d spend her life trying. 

her hand moved through allie’s hair, drawing soothing circles on her scalp. she rarely diverted her attention to the comatose sister, every drop of her vision locked on allie. “ no, no it is not. that’s your thing. “ 

allie and robbie had always been truly devoted to each other. maybe it was just a result of all that time they’d spent together as kids, but allie liked to think it was the universe looking out for them. then again, the universe had pulled some pretty fucked up shit lately.

but whether their bond was chance or fate, allie would never be more glad for a companion than when robbie was at her side. she brought out the best in her: the reckless, the joyful, the bold. qualities allie had trained out of herself throughout the years. the medical problems in the pressman family didn’t always allow for careless abandon like that.

“mm, that feels good,” allie sighed contentedly. what was it about somebody playing with your hair? harry had done it just last night. how far away that seemed. but speaking of...

“i... have something to tell you. it’s not mushy, so don’t panic.” it seemed wrong to be divulging the loss of her v-card in front of her comatose sister. but at the same time, maybe cass could hear them. still weird.

she beamed back at allie, glad she could make this horrible day a little brighter for her. “reese’s are your favorite,” she nodded. and you’re my favorite. she nearly jumped out of her seat and hugged her. she’d been handing out snacks all day and most people couldn’t even be bothered to say thank you, but allie? allie didn’t owe anyone anything people should’ve been bending over backwards to help her. “i’ll remember that so i can bring you some more. honestly,  reese was a damn genius and he definitely doesn’t get enough credit.” 

“my all-time favorite,” allie confirmed with a decisive nod. when she looked away and focused on tess, she could almost pretend that cassandra wasn’t in this room. that maybe they weren’t in the hospital at all.

but suddenly, she looked up in surprise. “wait. i never even thought about that.” she leaned in, the peanut butter cup centimeters from her tongue. “do you think they were invented by a guy named reese?”

tess looked at allie and thought about what she would want if it were monty. she would want someone with her and right now there was no one else in the room. she slid quietly into the chair next to her, careful not to hit the bed, and held out the snacks with a light grin. “i didn’t know which kinds you like and i couldn’t find robbie to ask, so i brought all of them.”

a few people had been in and out while allie had been here but... obviously, she wasn’t going to leave. someone would make her at some point, she knew. till then, she would be right here.

allie grinned so hard it hurt her cheeks. “this is perfect,” she said, plucking the reese’s peanut butter cup packet out of tess’s hand. “my favorite. and you’re my favorite for getting me some.”