you know, im really tired. hi ophen here again, i really thought my last message sent would be my last. but people just can't learn to leave me alone.
my friend just came off a video call with me and there are once again many lies coming out about me. involving cawcky and corvin once again. the one thing I'd first like to say, you're all liars. every single one of you, you all told me. that you all have been nothing but honest with me, you all acted like friends to me face but was going behind in dms talking nasty about me. not just that but obviously didn't like me from the start.
i also find to agree with anon that you lectured me and people harrassed me for having a autistic meltdown and leaving a situation thats toxic for me without any sort of fit or anything something thats a physical and mental DISABILITY not a illness or disorder, but you can excuse your bullying with mental disorder/ illness tic.... you're the biggest hypocrite ive ever met.
all those times I've reached out to you, all those times i was trying to be a friend all those times you were telling me one thing but saying another behind my back. did you really think i would read anything that you said and feel bad, i feel more hurt then before. from the very start you both have been dming each other rude stuff about me when all you could have done was unfollow or not talk to me. all this time you've been acting like a friend to my face and treating me like a pest behind the sceens. and you actually think what you did was okay? thats basic highschool bullying behavior.
not to mention every geninue word I've said, you've twisted like writing devil horns on a highschool year book. not a single thing I've ever communicated to you had some twisted other meaning, everything i said i meant. i dont do sarcasm or poetry meaning. i say as i mean, i take everything i say and what others say as literal.
NONE of those ic open starters or quotes about you??? i was referring to post manga where i had the idea that everyone after the airport arch would be taking a break from work and that motivational quote was for myself to tell myself its okay to take a break.
this whole thing is you saying i was block envading or stalking your posts without proof, the only proof you had is that YOU'VE been block envading and stalking MY posts. the one screenshots i had of you vaguing was given to me by unnamed or unknown sources which people came to me about in dms or im asking questions when you were vaging and noticed we weren't talking anymore. so not only are you proving your own lies but your also proving what i thought might have been overthinking to be true. you have been going to people telling people of the fall out we had, you have been posting vagues about me and talking about me to other people and you're the reason ive been getting relentlessly harrassed even WHEN i left.
this whole situation from top to bottom has been nothing but shit playing behind screens i had no idea about, ive only speaking with a prior of three people when things were happening between us. never bad but about me geninueally not knowing what to do in situations. me talking about me rules is just me reminding people before interacting with me not to interact if they intend to ignore those. which you all clearly did, ignored every thing rule i had.
you talk about me god modding when the whole time all you've done was god mod. and encouraged it. after we spoke the first time I've been trying to correct my actions of it and you know it. when it came to actions like your characters pinning down each other or anything. i asked for consent, i constantly asked for consent after i realized my mistake with kouyou because it was a mistake. i even stopped rping her, i never said that aku deserved anything i just said that people who are upset with them have the right to be upset with aku for the things they've done.
from the start i dont understand why you hated me so much but still talked and rped with me... why you'd go as far as to make a callout post of me and twisting everything i said into something else. the reason why i asked for you to talk gentler to me was because the way you talk down on people isn't okay. there is a way to talk to someone without invalidating, being rude, and not sugar coat things. you can be honest without lying about it or being rude, surprise.
as far as these. i never sent these???
and this? i sent because suddenly out of no where aku came RUNNING into my anons claiming i have things to tell her because of the lies YOU told her her about me. purposely stiring things up and sending aku my way out of spite
everything single thing that's been stirred up in public at this point "cawcky" is stirred up by you. because you've been going into people's dms about me, you had my friends block me, you had people coming after me. youve been blantely watching my account to nit pick ANYTHING you can find about me and going to others who i have blocked or who have blocked me. (btw if i did add you and you blocked me, thats my mistake. i dont know who all blocks when i make a new acct. i have the memory of a gold fish. i just know all the people i have blocked and if you made a new account and i didnt know. that was also my mistake because i didn't know you made a new acct. i would also like to add that for any new account i made. i only followed people i was following on my previous acct. if you had me blocked there was no way i could have followed you because you were not on my following list. i don't go seeking out accounts that block me because 9/10 i have you mutually blocked to know who to avoid.) this also shows you and cor have been vaguing me and deleting them because this is not the only time you've made a vague post and deleted it.
was never about you, none of this was about you. this was me geninuely just trying to get my mood back into rping on dash and realized there are many bsd accts either haitus or not around anymore or no new accts. why are you so obsessed with me???
me and aku has already talked and settled things that was not true about both of us and mutually agreed to part ways. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO, that does not mean i condome it but i will also not invalidate actual harm caused on people. thay is a right of passage and the one thing i have common sense on. as well as the situation with dazai, and me venting. everyone vents when their character doesn't get enough screentime, it's normal and me saying "dazai should die" was geninuely a joke eveyone in the sever including corvin was saying. because even corvin said that canon dazai should have stayed dead because he has too much plot armor and all three of us ether included spoke of it. so nitpicking that i was venting just because Atsushi isnt treated often like a main character in his own show is normal.
ive admitted the things i made mistakes on, i admitted to handling things poorly on my side and should have just stayed quiet and let you continued to tantrum. i was scared because i knew that things would come to this, that you'd spread things around and have me loose my friends and try to make me out to be some sort of villain when all i wanted to do was be your friend. not knowing you disliked me from the start and i in fact was right and not over thinking anything. even with the movie thing you admitted to pretended to be sleep and you all purposely excluded me out without telling me or communicating that you need space. all i ever asked was just to communicate things. not all autistic people have the same conditions as the other
but me being stupid asking that when you had been purposely not communicating things and just "shit talking" me to each other. i said this once and ill say it again, you guys really are no better then those people you claimed treated you poorly.
everytime you reached out me, i thought was being you geninuely cared not out of i hate her shes annoying but I'll give her another chance, i was genuinely trying to be understanding and honest and like a good friend. because there are so many times people could choose to be a good friend but chooses not to. i take all of my friendship advice from movies and tv and others rl perspective because i dont understand friendship. so those times i was genuinely trying to be a good friend. i was geninuely trying to correct myself and i meant everything apology.
i was never angry at any of you, i explained already to cor and ether why i can't get mad or angry at people and its not a healthy thing im seeking therapy for. its because i was raised in a abusive home where i wasn't allowed to get angry or have emotions like that as well as rl school bullies and people who gaslit me my whole life. because im autistic my brain doesn't completely connect with the emotion of hatred. if someone pushed me and yelled at me and i dont even know them. id assume it was my fault or that they are just having a bad day from something else. i can't get angry at them. its not because i dont feel guilty for things ive done or because I can't feel negative things. i feel negative things all the time. i feel annoyance and frustration, but they dont last no more then a few moments before it turns into something else. which is extremely common thing in autism. ( im not using autism as an excuse im explaing why its hard for me to get angry using my therapists words) i never hated any of you before. i dont even hate the people who hurt me before you, I am hurt by them and was hurt by you. but now, now im angry and hurt. because you, you tried to make me look like a fool, you tried to make me look like i was over thinking or crazy or paranoid. you tried to gaslight me into thinking i was the problem (aside from the mistakes i made).
i even left to fix my self, i left to self reflect so when i come back i can do and be better. i am trying to do and be better with my new actions. and there us still a lot i need to work on, but you... YOU both are far worse then i thought you were. and you dont even see it. i made my mistakes, i shouldn't have reached out to you those times, I shouldn't have reacted to your cruel messages, I shouldn't have done any of that. i walked away and i should have kept walking away. and i finally did. i walked away to fix myself and coming back when im ready to.
THE ONLY reason I've come back was for my url and now because the truth about you has come out.
i never said anything about you, those screenshots weren't about you but in general.
the only anon i sent your way( as i explained in my post i made to akubegone before) was the positive one because i was trying to extend an olive branch and trying to close things on a good note. (which again was my mistake. my friend taught me that I can't have closure with everyone and sometimes its best not to seek it especially with people like this.)
you've all constantly broke my boundaries and so i left, THAT WAS IT. the fact that you're going around telling opposite while having clear screenshots of you doing that exact thing but writing on it in red to show that you're twisting the things I've said. shows a lot. ive agreed with things you've said in that chat to be civil and not cause more distress and also to give you the benefit of the doubt even when my friends were telling me to leave because so many things in that chat was a red flag. and you all only proved how much youve been using me as a rug and walking over me knowing i was obvious.
you see me completely obvious to something enjoying things and yet you go in dms and laugh and talk rude about me not even talking to me about what i did that bothered you SO MUCH .
another thing i was NEVER jealous of ether, i was the one that asked if ether could join the server because i geninuely enjoyed talking and rping with her. depsite her being friends with aku because i dont like to judge others based off who they talk to (not knowing they supported things that made me uncomfortable < idk if this part is true i was just told by someone else that they did.) i was the one constantly wanting to rp with ether. i didn't rp with her to get closer to you, i rped with her because i enjoyed the bond Atsushi and yuan was making and enjoyed the gag of shi teaching Atsushi how to lie better. that was it and ether rped them more often the other muses so Atsushi often interacted with them like the karaoke disney thing. i also really enjoyed rping with their aku, when yuan explained those things to me that they were just excited i took that! i understood that because i was the same way when i accidentally god modded from excitement. i never ACCUSED her or was angry at her for being excited about her muses. i asked in case i was mistaken WHICH I STATED CLEARLY you people were the one that accused me of accusing her.
as far as the spam, i told you before i need clear communication because as far as im aware me and ether was on goodterms before she suddenly ghosted me because you three was talking behind my back. i was hurt because she ghosted me for days on end without any word of if shes upset with me. i didn't know she didn't want to talk i dont understand hints or cues as i said before unless spoken to me DIRECTLY by the person. anyone could tell you that. if you just tell me i will back off respectfully. i was trying to communicate with her but seeing there was clearly none returned, i deleted. the only reason i deleted the dm to cor after our conversation was because i remembered im not supposed to dm them so i deleted it to correct myself.
this is all i have to say about whatever this is. i learned today, you guys were never my friend. you guys have been a bully from the start. you guys are obessive and weird. im no longer going to entertain your shit ive decided the moment i deleted my acct and stopped responding to the anon hate sent to pineapple. because i am growing as a person while you guys continue to be immature. drag this on as much as you want, get as much attention as you desire because you already got what you wanted and still want more. im not even hear anymore. you drag me out of your own spitful hate and make childish call out posts about me because of your own insecurities. you laugh at me being harrassed even if its not you, you joke about it...
i hope you both get the therapy you oh so need. good bye and the only thing i can say, i never blamed anyone for the url theft im not going to or trying to look into it. the only thing i can ask is that you report and block it. idk who it is but there is nothing that can be done about it. im not happy about it but thats okay. im not worried about or any of this anymore.
