tyger, tyger.

“There is no fulfillment that is not made sweeter for the prolonging of desire”

  saying just that mistakes were made would be an understatement. and mistakes do happen. erratum humanum est. normal people just try to learn from it, move on and try desperately to forget about it until the next time they have that one drink too much.

but what do smart people do? they try to make the best out of it.

and so it begins, a game of cat and mouse where the mouse is more than willing and the cat doesn’t want all the fun to stop yet. and where both fight to be the cat this one time. a perfect vicious circle where lust meets greed on semi equal ground.

scratch my back and i’ll scratch yours. a mutually beneficial arrangement is so often overlooked in this world where people just want more and more. but a bit of effort, a small sacrifice and you might win even more.

give and you shall receive.

it’s as simple as that

but who’d knew that when you coax the worst out of each other that’s when you’d be the most true to yourself.

                                                      give & take

                                                     jae & hani

                                                              incarnos  &  apostello                             FAMILY THAT SLEEPS TOGETHER, STAYS TOGETHER.

「  ► LISTEN  」 a heart-warming playlist about two brothers bound to move you to tears.

1.  lil b - pretty bitch             jae’s vanity, part i 

2.  ludacris - move bitch [ hedegaard remix ]             jae’s vanity, part ii: shin’s disregard

3.  florence and the machine - kiss with a fist             how else would jae shut up?

4.  godsmack - crying like a bitch             jae’s vanity, part iii: shin’s distress             “fuck, he’s noisier than ever.”

5.  aiden - die die my darling             favorite pastimes: chilling at the park, fucking, attempting to kill each other

6.  ariana grande - love me harder [ feat. the weeknd ]             all jae needs is a harder slap

7.  kosheen - cruelty             “it’s not abuse if it’s to animals.”

8.  yoko kanno - von  [ feat. arnór dan ]             shout out to zankyou no terror for drawing inspiration             from shinjae for twelve and nine

9.  yuna - mountains             place jae in the corner ( inside shin’s room )             so that he’ll remember ( to be a good dog )

10.  muse - the handler             a song about the illuminati that is oddly fitting for shinjae

11.  green day - dominated love slave             their official theme song 

12.  the good natured - your body is a machine             jae only whines and complains to hide how masochistic he truly is

13.  static lullaby - toxic [ rock cover ]             … as stated above

14.  the prodigy - medicine              shinjae’s love bombing technique

                                                       RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS:

shin was twelve when jae joined the nam family. they bickered daily over the smallest things and vied for their mother’s attention. ( although it was obvious mother doted on shin more, jae got a kick out of annoying shin with every single moment of attention he got from her. ) months later, shin was caught red-handed trying to kill his foster brother in his sleep. sleepy-eyed jae was greeted by the sight of shin in his over-sized rose silk pyjamas holding a huge kitchen knife over him. and that failed attempt set the course of their relationship – with jae constantly trying to kill shin in return and shin ( barely ) putting up with jae’s shit.

as hormonal changes amplified through their adolescence, a new aspect was introduced into their relationship: sex. perhaps it was curiosity and impulsiveness that fueled their gradual exploration of each others’ bodies, but it grew into something else entirely as time passed. after all, everything is about sex except sex – sex is about power; and that accurately depicts each time that their warm breaths met and skins slapped. it’s an assertion of dominance and display in authority that not only resided behind their bedroom doors, but resonated throughout their relationship and reaffirmed the basis of it.

but the incest does not rule nor define their relationship – the dynamics and toxicity of it does. ‘pillar of support’ may be too mild and innocuous a phrase to use to describe them, because the extent of how much they need each other borders on unhealthy, even if it may not appear like it. since submission has been instilled into jae for a long term, a side-effect has occurred – over-dependency. despite shin’s constant abuse of jae, there is an unspoken need and affection they have for and require from each other. jae has been a companion for shin since young, and his taking care of shin’s needs has aided in the development of a unique sense of trust between them.

there is no one they trust more than themselves and each other at this point, especially since trust is a rare commodity for the two. unlike a relationship between lovers, their brotherly streak of the relationship has taken away the need for sensitivity to the other’s feelings. there is nothing they cannot share or say to each other – no filters are needed. while that extent of trust is admirable, that is partly what makes the relationship unhealthy. hurtful words are thrown without regret, actions are done without the thought of consequences – all that cumulative hurt can lead to an eventual destruction of themselves.

     hani knocked slightly on the open door, leaning against the door frame as she held her bag, ready to leave the center as the clock was nearing noon.

     “ it’s a little slow today so i am leaving for lunch early. can i get you anything vice-president? ”

     she asked professionally, her game face on, small fake smile on her face hoping she could maybe get him to tag along with her and let something slip. he definitely was the less bright of the two brothers after all; and by far the most talkative as well.

with sheer excitement, he stared up at the girl who was of no importance presently holding an opportunity of great importance

       “an outing! are you kidding, i wouldn’t let you just go fetch me food.” he pulled himself up; a glittering and genuine smile across his lips mirrored her small and superficial one. “i’ll come with!”

he went on talking seemingly endlessly as he grabbed his jacket, his wallet, his everything and walked over to her side, 

      “you’re new, right? so this is a great opportunity for us to get to know each other! ah, it’s so fun to meet new people~! plus, having a close-knit community is very important to our centre. everything’s about understanding and loving one another.” he meant it, though the key words held entirely different meanings for him than for most. 

But then again, could she truly expect someone like Jae to see past childish antics and words laced with an uncanny sweetness? Maybe, maybe not but she did nonetheless. Why? Because this was Jae, and there seemed to be nothing and nobody that Jae loved more than himself; and if he did then Hanna hadn’t been lucky enough to find out. Not that she was eager to anyway, but she found it rather stunning that he was pleased with just talking to his reflection in the mirror - and yes, the blonde had witnessed said scenario first-hand before once.

He simply astonished her with his behavior.

In short, Jae was a compilation of everything she didn’t understand in humans. The older was handsome, but conceited; silver-tongued but insolent; gifted but lazy. Endless of adjectives could be seemingly used to describe the young man next to her whose eyes were focusing on her drawing of a butterfly, causing her fine brows to draw together whilst watching him. During these moments, he almost appeared to be at peace with himself: youthful, quiet. Thoughtful perhaps even.

But as always, he was quick to destroy the illusion he had, unbeknownst to himself, just created in front of her.

his eyes remained focused on the lines that composed the magnificent creature; its quiet antennas that exuded effervescence, its body’s thin delicacy, and every curve of its imperialistic wings that commanded jae’s attention. the butterfly seemed to fly on the page, not only as a bug, but as gift of nature to the human desire for aesthetics.

                        ( in a way, hanna was right. he really was thoughtful at that moment. )

her snide remark drew a chuckle from him. his eyes momentarily left the drawing to catch her gaze, her gaze which he knew had been on him for a while. he didn’t question this act of staring; it was only natural that a human would want to stare at one of superior beauty.

"i'm not obsessed with myself," he crinkled his nose. this was an honest opinion, however misguided.  "i'm obsessed with people's opinions, thoughts and emotions in relation to me, yes, but not with myself."

astonishment       smacked into harsh reality. every ounce of victory that he felt burns out of him from the red shape of shin’s fingers.

this is discipline, jae thinks.

he doesn’t look up until shin’s back in his seat. his fists are balled, i know how to get you out of that fuckin’ seat and the damn office. he follows inside into the bleak office, bright lights and ceiling-high bookcases filled with books, all colour coded and organised alphabetically, towering over him. he stops in front of shin’s desk and that is where he takes a deep bow. “i’m sorry,” he imitates, “i’ll leave,”                          and on his way out he shoves his arm in one of the shelves to slide its entire contents down on the floor into a chaotic mess. he steps on a few and tucks the last few under his arm before he sends a salute at the door,

‘i met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night’ au

'i’m an ikea employee and every day for the last week i’ve had to ask you to leave the store bc you keep coming in and sleeping in the beds seriously are you homeless or something i can call a shelter’ au

'i don’t know who you are but we keep running into each other on the street and getting into screaming arguments over the stupidest things and i’m actually looking forward to our next meeting bc you’re annoying as hell but gdi you’re hot as fuck and its kind of fun to argue with you’ au

'i’m in my underpants in a laundromat waiting for my clothes to get washed and your clothes are in the machine next to mine and i noticed that when you put your clothes in they were all covered in blood what the fuck’ au

'last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and also neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us’ au

'last night was supposed to be a one night stand but we drunkenly got each other’s names tattooed on each other’s ass cheeks so now its kind of hard to forget you’ au