I’m sad. Like fucking sad. The way things come to me all at once and I can’t do anything about it but just to feel it. And like ‘til I get to my thought that I just want to die. But I’m still sane. I’m still rational about thing. I know this is just temporary and I’ll be better. It’s just that it’s exhausting. It’s always like this, though I know that life is this way. Life moves this way. Ups and Downs and Ups and Downs. And I feel like I’m wasting time doing this. I just blink and then years of my life have been dealt this way. The never ending setbacks and progress. It feels so so so so good to be hopeful; and I will never ever deny the fact that it fucking feels so good to be alive. There’s so much about life that makes it worthwhile. I think I am just corrupted from the beginning I understand how life works. I managed to like for years to just fuck around and find out and still trying to just be this way. I am just or my brain is just full of sadness— and I live with different forms of it. I’m just afraid that one day I’d be so for-real tired, and stop this nonsense and end it. But even if my mind mostly rests in this part, I am still hopeful for things. I live for the hope of it all.