Just another waterfall dancing here ✨

So I set out on the chase to touch you one day

For months, thoughts of you flooded my mind

How angry I was, thinking you should be mine

And then one day you softened a little to me

And I knew the sensation of your body, and arms around me

Sometimes we were close, and others far away

But so many precious, tender moments, my mind would replay

Over time, feelings changed, transforming silently

Until one day I couldn't deny what you meant to me

I don't know when I fell in love, I took it for granted

But the night we were alone at the party, it'd already happened

Two years in, I was bursting at the seams

I didn't want to hide it, I wanted to be seen

"I love you, Reuben" I sent to your old, disconnected number

And months later we confessed the same to each other

I reveled in the elation, I couldn't help but smile

After I don't even know how long I was in denial

The scare of hearing about the state of your health

Processing my father's illness, my mother's death

I couldn't take the intensity, so I shut down

I was paralyzed and handled it the only way I knew how

To completely withdraw from nearly everyone and everything

Being piloted entirely by the pain I was feeling

I let the pain, grief, guilt, and shame

Withhold my apology and keep me away

For a long while I didn't allow the feelings to be felt

When I thought of you, and how I left

My actions then were unthinkable and cruel

I couldn't face it, so I avoided thinking of you

One can only suppress guilt, pain, and shame for a time

Two to three years for me, because I so lacked the spine

To fully confront my actions and the pain that I caused

I yearned for you in silence at first, until it grew too strong

Too little, too late.