Jade's Mind

Deep.

THISS LITERALLY JUST FUCKED ME UP

Agreed ^^

This post should come with a warning...im crying. :,(

me: i don’t want to be mentally ill me, but quieter: but i also don’t want to recover because i don’t know who i’d be without my mental illnesses since they are practically my personality and recovery seems scary and it seems the only point of my life is to hurt because that’s all i’ve ever known. somehow mental illness is a comfort blanket even though it is the reason i need a comfort blanket to begin with and the world beyond this seems oddly confusing and terrifying 

sometimes i forget how many times i’ve picked myself off the floor, how many times i’ve washed away smudgy makeup and put myself to bed. how many times i’ve said no to something unhealthy. said yes to something good. how many times i’ve treated myself with kindness and patience. i forget how many times i’ve tended to wounds and made peace with my own anger. if i was taking care of a body that was not my own, i’d believe i was doing everything i could. so here’s to remembering that i’m doing the best i can.

i’m scared that i’ll never be anything special

This year I will be stronger. I will be braver. I will be kinder. I will be forgiving but I will stop apologizing when it’s not my fault. I will stand up for myself and those who cannot. I won’t dwell. I will move forward. I will be better.