The butter wouldn't melt so I put it in the pie.

a really funny thing about working with seeds in a day to day capacity is that you really need the seeds to stay in one place at any given moment, and the seeds disagree. so it’s just like, seeds end up on the floor. seeds end up on the desk. seeds appear in the crack between the glass plate of the microscope stage and its surrounding metal casing. seeds are around the dumpster outside. sweeping up seeds, patching up bags of seeds, picking seeds off your clothes and from between keyboard keys, very carefully transferring seeds into containers less likely to cause catastrophe should the seeds breach containment, like it’s just an uphill battle built into the work. almost as if the seeds are hyperevolved to disperse themselves or something

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

World Heritage Post

the more you listen to it, the funnier it gets

Audio: dramatic piano. The husky screams along, vaguely keeping the rhythm but not the tune

That last ROO always gets me

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

Carpe cibum. Seize the food. It's like carpe diem but for food because I just REALLY sadly had to throw out 3/4 of a jar of really nice butternut squash pasta sauce because I didn't eat it fast enough because I didn't know what to put it on and it got moldy. Like I was really sad about this because the sauce was really good I just didn't eat it because who knows why. Carpe cibum. Eat that food you got because otherwise it will get moldy and you will be sad

yeah okay ill reblog that

When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

He said “Son (M7) when you grow up (F33) would you be — wait what”