Kill Me Dead, Baby

I got Franklin in November of 2021 during grad school. I was in a horrible mental space and was working at an internship that nearly pushed me out of my career field altogether. After a horrible client session, I went straight to a pet store and waited for nearly 45 minutes to get assistance with getting a hamster.

That night, I brought Franklin home to my apartment and had him with me for the next 2 years and 5 months. He was with me as I graduated with my masters, helped distract my roommates and I through a school shooting, saw me through my first real job, and also as I got an incredible second job opportunity in January of this year.

He loved to climb the two levels of his home, run in his wheel and ball, escape his house and hide behind my dishwasher, and be held by me more often than the other hamsters I’d had in the past. Franklin loved apples, carrots, and cucumbers as treats - I loved watching him eat them and store his food in a little plastic blue hut that he looked like he shouldn’t fit in, but did. He was all fur and very friendly.

I made the difficult decision of putting him to sleep earlier today after he developed a tumor behind his ear that had taken over the front side of his body by the end. We went to the vet a couple weeks back when it first became rough and got some antibiotics, but it wasn’t quite enough. I just wanted to say thanks to him and get this all out because he was the best hamster I’ve ever had, and most likely the last. I’ll miss him a lot, especially his antics, but am relieved that he’s not sick anymore.

I’ll miss you Franklin, and thanks for everything.

They just couldn’t picture me with anyone

And at 16, I didn’t care

I laughed and agreed, who needed boys anyways

…..

They told me they got asked to prom

Picked out matching colors and planned a nice dinner with pictures

They posted their puppy love on Instagram and everyone ooh-ed and aww-ed in the comments below

…..

At 20, no boy ever looked at me like I somehow thought they eventually would

I styled my hair, spent extra time on my lashes

I had long forgotten what they said to me that one day

…..

I’m 25 with the weight of their words now resting on my weary body each night

They were right and I laughed with them

Who cares? I care now

Never been kissed, touched, desired, cherished and I must be what they were secretly trying to get at

Unlovable. Undesirable. They couldn’t picture me being in a relationship because they knew what I didn’t

…..

I roll over in my empty bed to block it all out

They said they could never see me with someone