i miss him. i miss him more than i miss my freedom. i would stay captive forever if it was meant to be with him. why we met right people in the wrong places, or in the wrong times? it’s crazy, i really fell in love finally, i was happy, and there was something i was looking forward to in life. why it was all taken away from me? i did not feel love for a really long time. i thought i was not capable anymore, even. just wjen i found out that i am capable, why is it gone? i miss him so much. i wish he was here with me. i miss his soft skin, soft cheeks, softest hair, i miss his smell... oh his smell. i can’t remember it. but i remember it was so fucking good. i remember he felt like a masculine but gentle garden? i miss his arms. i miss how strong he was, i miss how thick his biceps were. i miss how he kissed me. i miss the small giggles when we made out. i miss how comfortable it was to lying next to him. i miss how he begged me to stay just 5 minutes more, and how i ended up staying for two hours more. will it be ok? will i ever see him again? will it be the same? i think it wont be the same. we will forever be living with this ptsd forever. i just wanna know when everything will end. and i wanna know if its going to be ok. i just want to sleep, and wake up when everything is better.