trying to get better

"Is it physiological?? Maybe something horribly wrong is up with your body"

"man you're just fucked up permanently from all the abuse you'll never feel like other people do"

"Do you just latch onto whatever made you feel something and not let go? What if that's actually bad for you"

"am I happy enough"

"why do I feel irked when he touches me lately? do I like it when he touches me?"

"is he the reason I'm like this? would things be easier by myself or with someone else?"

"do I look forward to being married and having a family enough? what if I'm just not cut out for that"

that I'm scared of any sort of commitment whether that be through my relationship, my career, my hobbies, etc

heck I can't even commit to what I want to do with my social media presence

or how when things are going good for me, I feel better in my relationship and everything else--

It's so obvious.

But that doesn't stop me from falling into the trap of OCD. Where it wants to figure things out and find the cause for everything. Then I wonder why I'm too tired for anything.

"am I happy enough"

"why do I feel irked when he touches me lately? do I like it when he touches me?"

"is he the reason I'm like this? would things be easier by myself or with someone else?"

"do I look forward to being married and having a family enough? what if I'm just not cut out for that"

that I'm scared of any sort of commitment whether that be through my relationship, my career, my hobbies, etc

heck I can't even commit to what I want to do with my social media presence

or how when things are going good for me, I feel better in my relationship and everything else--

It's so obvious.

But that doesn't stop me from falling into the trap of OCD. Where it wants to figure things out and find the cause for everything. Then I wonder why I'm too tired for anything.