my home is the open sea

“That’s really good!” She started excitedly. With the way they both were, sometimes it left her mind boggled in how they both had come so far. Perhaps it was sheer dumb luck, but she would take it where she could. “I don’t think I could ever complain about it. Sometimes I just feel like…I’m the luckiest girl alive. You make me…feel alive.” Juliette uttered, easily giving into the emotions at play. “It’s us, but also it’s this town we’re in, all the situations life has thrown at us…everything. And now—you and me, in a diner, having a real date.” Or as real as one would get for them it seemed. “As long as you leave a good tip at the end of the night, I’ll happily wait on you my entire shift.”

Anthony stared at her, a little dumbstruck. “Wait...is this our first real date?” They spent plenty of nights together, days even. There were town events scattered here and there, but nothing close to this from what he could recall. “I’ll need to take you on an actual real date. One we can both enjoy with no work, where we can both dress up.” For now, this is the best he could do with the circumstances they were in. “Are you only except cash tips? Because I’d like to see you over her for as long as I can get you.”

As she took the flowers, Jules let her smile blossom. “Thank you.” She graciously added as she looked over the bouquet, before setting them aside to grab at his hands from across the table. “I would love to be your hot date, and I can’t legally kick you out as long as you’re a paying customer.” There was a soft chuckle and a sly wink she gave back. “Our first Valentine’s Day together, who would have guess we would have made it this long?” After a pause she glanced around, glad that at least for now it was slow right before the big dinner rush. “This might be the weirdest date I’ve gone on, but I’m so glad that you’re here.”

His thumbs ran over her knuckles, a large grin plastered on his face that didn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. “Good thing I have a job that I’m decently good at. And you look like you’re doing well at yours too!” Anthony couldn’t be happier for the both of them. Not only from making it this far, but for getting parts of their lives together. “Certainly, not I. We’re defying all odds by making it this far, not that I’m complaining in the slightest.” He chuckled, tilting his head. “It’s us, I can’t be surprised anymore. But, I am happy I get to have this weird date with you and celebrate today.” He looked around the diner, “let’s hope it stays this slow too that way you can sit with me for most of it. Or I’m going to end up ordering a ton of food just so you have to come to the table.”

There was a way to distract her from everything that seemed to be going on lately, and that was to throw herself into a new job. Waitressing certainly wasn’t the best, but with the holiday bringing in the fair share of people, she couldn’t complain much with some simple glances and a classic uniform that helped serve looks, Juliette found perks in the position. And, once she spotted Anthony slide into his own booth, she couldn’t help but take a break to see him. “You’re the one who looks fancy in here, with your suit and attitude. Got a hot date tonight or something?”

He chuckled, looking down at the suit. Anthony didn’t think anything of it, only wanting to see her as soon as he could. “I didn’t want to waste anymore of this day not being with you if I didn’t have too.” He held the flowers out to her, almost forgetting them once she sat down with him. “My hot date is you, hopefully. I know you’re working and I’ll try not to distract you. But by the time you get off, Valentine’s Day will be over and I don’t want to miss our first one. So, I will order somethings and sit here, and you can join me when you’re able too.”

@julietterussx

“Do you ever feel forced to be with me though? Because of them and how we look like them?” She might have been plastered, but her conversation with Ben seemed at the forefront of her mind, even as she sat on top of Anthony. “I’ll have to show you how to work youtube sometime if you’re into learning specific things. And I think it’s more of us matching each other’s crazies. You always meet me exactly where I need you to.” Glancing down at him, her hands slowly lifted his shirt, unbuttoning it as she went along, before she began trailing kissed up his chest towards his neck. “I want to do this. And I want you.” She nodded slowly as she lifted her head to meet his gaze with a slim smirk.

“No? I’m happy they made me introduce myself to you. Although, I think eventually I would’ve sucked it up and spoke to you anyways.” Somehow, he couldn’t imagine what town would have been like without her. It felt big admitting that to himself, even if he wouldn’t admit it to her right now. His hands rested on her thighs, “I’m not sure about matching crazies, but you sure are being fiesty tonight.” The alcohol could be to blame with the amount he figured she drank. “You’re like a baby dragon, fiery and cute.” His own consumption of alcohol left him rambling without really knowing what he was saying, her kisses only distracting him more. The hands on her thighs slide higher, slipping under the dress she wore. 

“I don’t think I’d want to live like that, as awful as the rest of the world may be. It’s still nice to just get up, you know? Plus, I don’t want to look like their parents anymore. We’re not them, and it just makes everything weirder. Don’t worry, we’ll still take out this cute little guy whenever he needs it.” She said, letting a hand rub behind the pup’s ear momentarily. “You have made a lot of progress, I will say. Very philosophical. And maybe a little persuasive. But I also think that’s because I like you very much too.” She looked over at him, gaining an idea. “Let me help you out of them then.” She pushed herself up to sit up, before crawling and letting a leg settle on both sides of his waist. “It’s the least I can do after you’ve done nothing but give me what I wanted tonight.”

“Unless we get some sort of surgery, I don’t think our faces are going to change much. But, we’re not them like you said. The major difference alone is that we’re two very different people from them.” A light chuckle escaped him, the reasoning behind it coming from a place most likely deemed unconventional. “I watch a lot of television. I’d say it’s gotten me pretty far with some things. It must be a good thing we both like each other very much. We can deal with each other’s antics.” An eyebrow raised as his head lifted slightly, getting a better look at her as she got up. “You don’t ha--” Anthony abruptly stopped, her new position giving away where he hoped this might lead, even if it hadn’t been his intention in the first place. “If you take off mine, does that mean I can take off yours? It only seems fair.”

“We could become true slobs. Have Ben and Russ bring us food, and just live bedridden for the rest of our miserable lives.” It sounded awful, but as she laid there next to him, thinking about the ridiculous nature, she realized that it wouldn’t be so bad if it was next to him for the rest of her days. As she inched forward, scooting herself along with his pull, she only smiled back to him. “For someone so naive, you sure say a lot of really smart things sometimes.” She kissed back easily and falling harder and harder. “I guess it was worth it seeing that I’m in your bed now.”

“I don’t think they’d let us live that way. We might look like their parents, but that doesn’t mean they’d take care of us like them. Plus, Hooky here has to go outside for potty breaks. I might be a slob sometimes, we can’t go that far.” A standard somehow existed, even if the thought of laying in bed with her appealed to him in the basic sense of the term. “I watch a lot of movies. I’ve learned a thing or two. It’s because I’m persuasive, right? That’s why you’re in my bed.” He joked, rolling on his back. “These clothes are uncomfortable but I’m too lazy to get up.”

The relief that came with being able to kick off her heels came as she dragged herself across Anthony’s place, losing a few inches to the shoes, but maintaining her stance before stumbling into the bed at his side. Laying on her side to look back at him, she whispered, “I’d like that, though eventually we’re gonna have to get up, you know that, right?” She was tired, but she also wanted to stay awake so long as she could with him. “I do like you. That was never a question. And…when I was drinking after I told you I needed space, you were the only person I wanted to be with.”

Hooky laid next to him, one hand drunkenly petting at the small dog. He closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. “No we don’t. We’d make the rules, we wouldn’t have to do anything.” Anthony knew it wouldn’t work like she said, eventually needing to get up for food or other necessities. His eyes opened again, memorizing her features as he wanted to remember this moment in the morning. Ant’s free arm reached out, pulling her towards him. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?” He smiled, kissing her lightly. “I wasn’t worried. You were the only person I wanted to be with too, but we needed that time apart for us to enjoy this one even more.”

Maybe that’s exactly what she needed. Something so out of the ordinary to help her snap back into a real person. That’s what worked for Ben and Russell when they didn’t have their humanities on, and she felt pretty useless lately with her emotions, so it was as good a plan as any. She nodded back to him, letting herself get her breather she needed, and finding a new friend while she was at it, easily falling into a blackout bender, doing shots of tequila before she even began to wonder where Anthony was. At the sudden lunge of an arm around her frame, she looked to him and chuckled for what seemed like a solid minute before finally seizing up and letting herself practically lean into him. “I wanna go home.” She drunkenly murmured out in a soft voice. “I wanna go home with you and I wanna wake up with you.”

A smile spread across his face, easily agreeing with her request. “I can make both of those things happen. Although, we have to make it to the house first.” He chuckled, leading her in the direction of the exit. After his talk with the guy at the bar, all he wanted was to spend the rest of the night with her alone with Hooky. The walk home felt like nothing, timing passing rather quickly with their stumbles and his giddiness of finding everything hilarious. His bed never looked more comfortable, removing his jacket and shoes before laying face down on it, the dog excitedly barking having him reach over the side to bring him onto the bed. “Can we just not leave this bed forever?” He mumbled into the sheets, finally rolling over to look at her.

“Huh. Sounds confusing as hell. But what relationship isn’t?” He shrugged off as he waved down another drink to be poured, before sliding it on over to his new friend. “Sometimes all you can do it take a risk, lay everything out on the line, and if it doesn’t work, start all over. You also have to ask yourself what you want, because if a relationship ain’t working for you, then you’re never gonna put the effort into it.” Nick gave a hollow sigh, not sure he signed up to be anybody’s therapist tonight, but somehow it seemed to work that way. “Being truthful about yourself is always a good thing. And who knows, maybe you’ll find something that works for both of you. If not, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

“Is it sad to say this might not be the most confusing one I’ve had?” Anthony was confident in his feelings for Juliette, maybe not with saying them, but after their conversation he felt secure in what they both had going on. “You’re right, I should tell her and I will. Not sure when they’ll actually come out of my mouth, but she deserves to know. And I deserve to know if she feels the same way. What we have going right now is working for us, telling her how I feel could potentially ruin that.” Anthony started to chuckle, the pun hitting a little close to home. “Oh, I know how many fish there are in the sea. Trust me.” He stood up, the effects of the alcohol finally hitting him, a dizziness causing him to grab at the side of the bar from standing up to fast. “Well, this was a nice chat....sorry I don’t think I caught your name. But, I have a woman to find and take home.”

“What if I’m not even leading any life right now?” She muttered out, not sure if what she was saying even made any sense. “I just feel like I’m on auto-pilot sometimes, just…going through the motions.” She looked away still, not wanting to let Anthony further in. “I think I just need to…be alone right now. Not…relationally, just…right now, in this moment. What we had before, it worked, and I want to keep having fun with you. But I’m also a huge wreck and I don’t think I know how to stop myself.”

“Auto-pilot can always be turned off. Maybe we just need to find something out of the ordinary for you to do that doesn’t feel...routine?” He suggested, only wanting to make whatever was bothering her a little bit better. Anthony nodded, “Okay, I can give you your space. As long as if you promise me to have a bit of fun. Later we can meet up again if you’re up for it.” He stood up, giving her a peck on the cheek before walking away to get himself another drink.

One turned into three, leaving him properly drunk and ready to spend the rest of the night at home. He stumbled around trying to find Jules, spotting her and throwing an arm around her shoulders as he reached her. “I know I said if you were up for it but...do you wanna get out of here? I think I’ve drank all the drinks I can.”

“What does love mean to me?” Nick promptly questioned back, a hearty chuckle echoed out of him as he set his glass aside and turned to face the other other fully, giving him an expression of doubt. “You’re serious? I don’t know. I thought I had it at one time, turns out I was wrong. Even then, it’s something unconditional. Should be boundless, but people don’t seem to think so. And hell, it should make you feel like the happiest guy in the world when you have it, and the worst son of a bitch if you lose it. That’s what it means to me at least.” Nick narrowed his eyes onto the other, letting him reel it all in. “Sounds like you just need to be honest with anybody and everybody you fall in love with then, or else you could wind up losing both.”

Anthony nodded, sitting up to be in his best form as he waited for the other to give him some insight. Maybe this would help him with the feelings he had, although telling Jules after the conversation they had wasn’t an option right now. He stared intently, taking in every word the other spoke, trying to match it up with how he felt. “Thankfully, I don’t think I’ve lost it quite yet. She didn’t exactly tell me she didn’t want to be with me, just for the moment right now she wanted some space. Except she doesn’t want to put labels on it even though we’re not seeing anyone else. It’s all a bit confusing.” As he tried to explain, Anthony only became more confused himself. “Open and honest about it, might not be so bad. You never know, society seems to progressing rather well.”

“Yeah, well sometimes it sure feels like I am.” Juliette hadn’t made anything clear on her own feelings, and while she kept everything bottled up inside, she had no way to expressing it without sounding whiny herself. So, instead, she let it consume her. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to drag you down the road that’s been paved for me, and yet at the same time, I don’t want anybody else by my side except you. I’d make an awful girlfriend.”

“Juliette, you are far from dragging me. It’s more like I’m willingly participating in whatever life you think you need to lead right now.” He’d follow her wherever she needed to go, and not question it. Anthony nodded slowly, coming up with a different route. “Okay, well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not with anyone else. I may have made out with Lincoln for a brief moment, other than that it’s just you. No labels, and we continue with it. Then I’m by your side and no reason to think you’re an awful girlfriend.”

“Deadly.” Nick muttered off, finally taking a glance over at the fella, letting a short stifled laugh leave him as he saw the other’s expression. It seemed he may have been a little bit over his own head. “Because love is a difficult thing to understand. Plus, it means different things to different people. Not exactly something you can scientifically test.” Lifting a brow, Nick finished off his drink before adding, “If you find love, you gotta keep it. Some people take that and think that they need to stop looking too.”

Everything always felt black and white, no room for a gray area when things were complicated. He loved Jules, but saying it meant something absolute, and if she didn’t love him, what did it leave him with? A love for someone who didn’t love him back, but what if she did? Then it seemed to only get more complicated rather than easier. “What does it mean to you?” He asked, trying to gain some new perspective. “Okay, I get that. I don’t want to lose the one I have now, but what if someone else comes along that I also love. It doesn’t mean I love the first any less.”

Anthony had to have been easily the best thing to happen to her, and while she felt guilty for that, even just his words left her bleary-eyed. “Sometimes I think I just do things to sabotage myself.” She uttered back as her glanced was lifted along with her chin as she looked to him. “What we have going is good. And I don’t think I want it with anybody else.”

He held her chin for another moment before kissing her softly. Anthony didn’t mean to make her cry, wanting to remedy that in the best way he could. “You aren’t sabotaging anything. I’ll always be here for you. And I don’t want this with anyone else either, if you want to make things official.”

Nick was all too busy nursing some whiskey, not any of the supernaturally potent shit, just some good-old fashioned throat-burning stuff that he couldn’t see any of the others drinking at the moment. This wasn’t his kind of thing, and while he was there, mostly to scope it out, making sure no funny business was going on, he still managed to attract some drunk patron. Chuckling back at the other words was not something he expected though. “You and just about 7 billion other people on the planet ask themselves that daily. I don’t think anybody has the answer.”

“Seven billion people? Are you serious?” A million more questions ran through his mind, head leaning on the cool counter as they raced past. Did that number include the underwater population? Why couldn’t he have just told her and moved on? Anthony lifted his head, leaning his elbow on the counter as he rested his head in his hand. “If so many people are asking this question, how has no one come up with an answer? Better yet, why is monogamy somehow the proper way to go?”

She nodded slowly, letting a heavier breath fill her. Stress had gotten to her, other people’s problems had gotten to her, and now this was getting to her, and she didn’t want to be hurt. “I like what we’re doing Ant. I was a bitch the night of the potluck, and I lied to you. I wasn’t making out with anybody. I was just being stupid with a friend. Trying to forget about all my problems, but then I got testy with you, and even though I ruined a good thing between us, it doesn’t mean I didn’t want it.” She paused before looking down, feeling tears well up. “You make me happy, you know that, right?”

He appreciated the admission of lying, but those were small problems he had mostly forgotten about since she’d brought him the puppy. “Jules, you don’t owe me an explanation. We have a good thing, but you’re not tied down to me. I know I got upset, which wasn’t right of me either. Those are things we don’t need to worry about anymore. The potluck is over, we said somethings but...they don’t matter right now. And you didn’t ruin anything.” It would take a lot more than her getting upset to ruin this completely. “Hey,” he gently lifted her chin. “I do know that, and you show me that every time we see each other. You make me happy too, which is why I made the comment in the first place. We don’t need to decide this right now. Not like this.”