Anshika's Diary - The Soft Petal

Last night, I saw you again in my dream, Ashika. We were exchanging hand-written letters—silent messages passed between us, the kind that say everything without a sound.

Here I convey as I am talking to her:

Ashika, it felt as though you were missing me. Ironically, just yesterday, I was deeply missing you too. I tried to gather the courage to message or reach out, but I couldn't — at least, not yet. There’s a part of me that knows I need to find some stability first… because these dreams, these callings — your energy — they stir something in me that’s overwhelming.

I often wonder: when one of us starts to miss the other, is that when the dreams come? Is this some strange but sacred way the universe keeps us connected? I shared this thought with a friend recently, and he said something that struck me: “When someone shares a piece of themselves, it begins to shape the other.” Maybe this is that.

(There’s more I want to write about that thought — perhaps in another blog. But for now, I want to capture this dream before it fades.)

In my dream, we were together again, you and I — playing PUBG like we used to. But this time, you didn’t turn on your mic. You weren’t speaking, only watching me. You looked upset, distant — hurt that I hadn’t stayed in touch. I could feel your silence louder than any words.

Then something changed. I explained everything — why I’ve been silent, the chaos I’ve been going through, and how I never meant to drift away. When I said I’d reach out soon and reconnect, you softened. You smiled — relieved. And instead of giving me back my letter, you handed me a new one… with numbers written in a VERTICAL line, starting with a 7. It felt like your phone number?

There are dreams... and then there are messages. Last night was not a dream. It was something else entirely.

It was vivid, violent, and symbolic. It left a mark on me—on my thoughts, on my breath, on how I looked at the morning light. And strangely, like most of my soul-shaking dreams—it came after a message from her. From Anshika.

The Dream Begins: The Door, the Beast, and Blood

In this dream, I was at home. But not quite. It was familiar, yet something was deeply off. I saw two leopards and a lion.

One leopard—fur stained with violence—was clawing and pounding at our door. Behind it, I stood with my family, hands trembling, holding the door closed with every ounce of strength. He was ruthless—like he had one goal: to enter, to break in, to destroy.

We fought to keep the door shut. We almost failed. But somehow, it stayed closed.

Then, I saw something terrifying through a small opening—blood on the leopard's neck. Wounded. Weak. I never saw him fight, but the blood told the story.

And then—a moment of mystery and grief—he turned to another leopard sitting nearby. He bit him (or her—I couldn't tell the gender) softly but firmly by the neck… almost like a goodbye… and laid down beside them. He bled out. He died. Quietly. Painfully.

I don’t know what that connection meant—was it family? Was it love? I am not sure if that other leopard was male or female, but something about that moment felt… intimate. Like a warrior laying next to the only one who mattered.

The Others I Saw

At the same time, my mother and cousin sister were at another door—holding it shut from the other side. I was aware of them, struggling just as I was.

But what broke me: I saw my cousin brother outside. Dead. Bloodied. I didn’t see how he died—was it a leopard? I’ll never know. But the image of him lying lifeless… I still feel it.

🦁 And Then Came the Lion

I was alone now. A new door. My hands—tired. My legs—frozen. Because this time, it wasn’t a leopard.

It was a lion.

And this lion was different. He was powerful, both in size and in presence. He didn’t just push. He commanded. I felt his force not just in the dream, but even after I woke up. My arms ached as though I had truly been holding that door. My breath short. My mind racing.

And then—he broke in.

Face to face. Roaring. Eyes wide. Jaw trembling. He looked straight into my soul and roared:

“Run. Run for your life... as far as you can. If you can.”

I didn’t know what I was running from. Or who I was running toward. But his voice—it felt real.

📱 The Wake-Up Call – Was It Just a Dream?

I woke up at 7:10 AM—heart racing.

The first thing I did?

I opened WhatsApp. There she was. Anshika. She had messaged me… at 2:10 AM.

✨ Her Callings, Her Vibes... and My Dreams

This isn’t the first time. I’ve noticed a pattern. Every time Anshika calls me, thinks about me, or even misses me intensely—I dream.

Not normal dreams. Powerful ones. Soulful ones. Terrifying ones. Dreams that speak, whisper, scream…

It’s like her energy travels through space. Like her vibrations collide with my subconscious while I’m asleep.

She doesn't even have to speak. Her feelings arrive before her words do.

But What Do Lion & Leopard Dreams Mean?

After I woke up, I began reading. Researching. Trying to find meaning.

Leopards in dreams often represent hidden fears, emotional enemies, or challenges that seem unpredictable. They are stealthy, sometimes representing people in our lives who wear masks—people who are not what they seem.

A wounded leopard, on the other hand, may point toward a breaking point—a sign that something dangerous has weakened. It might even hint at a sacrifice made for something (or someone) important.

Now, the lion?

A lion is power. Control. Fearlessness. But also pride, ego, and sometimes—a warning. A lion’s roar in a dream is often a wake-up call—telling you to reclaim your strength or run from a force you can’t tame.

But for me… the lion spoke. He didn’t just roar. He gave me an ultimatum.

And I wonder… Was he warning me of someone? Or… was he her?

I don’t know what that dream fully meant. But I know how I felt.

• I felt called. • I felt warned. • I felt watched.

I felt like someone, somewhere, was trying to reach me. To pull me. Or push me. Maybe from pain. Maybe from love. Maybe from destiny.

Last night’s dream wasn’t ordinary—it wasn’t like the others. It felt like a message. A war cry. A warning. This one... it stayed with me long after I opened my eyes.

I saw one lion and two leopards.

One of the leopards was vicious—he tried to attack us, me and my family. We were all holding a door tightly shut to keep him out. He was powerful, relentless, clawing, pushing, almost breaking through. But we managed to keep it closed.

Then, from the small hole in the door, I saw something strange—blood on his neck. He was wounded, clearly hurt. I hadn’t seen the fight, but it looked like he had fought someone, or something. The next scene burned into me: this wounded leopard staggered to another leopard who was sitting nearby, and gripped them—by the neck—with his own teeth. It was haunting… like a desperate goodbye. Slowly, that leopard, the one who was bleeding, collapsed… and died in blood.

I’m still not sure—was that other leopard male or female? It didn’t feel clear. But the bond between them felt deep. Almost soulful.

At the same time, my mother and cousin sister were holding another door, trying to protect another part of the house.

I looked outside—and saw my cousin brother lying in blood. Lifeless. I don’t even know what killed him. Was it the leopard? I couldn’t tell.

But the part that shook me most...

I was alone—holding a different door, while a lion was trying to push it open. This wasn’t just any lion. His strength wasn’t normal. It was cosmic, unshakable. Even after waking up, I could still feel how helpless I felt holding that door. It was like I wasn’t just holding a physical barrier—but fighting something much bigger than myself.

And then the lion broke through.

He stood face-to-face with me. Eyes locked. Roaring. Not just any roar—it was like thunder. Like fate speaking directly to my soul.

And then he said something I can still hear echoing in my head:

“Run for your life... Run, as far as you can... If you can.”

I woke up with his growl still lingering in my ears, my chest heavy.

Then I checked my phone.

Anshika had messaged me. At 2:10 AM.

She wasn’t near me. She never is. But every time she thinks of me, calls me in her own way—I feel it. In my bones. In my dreams. Her energy doesn’t need distance. Her vibes are powerful, and I think... sometimes, they enter my world through dreams.

She doesn’t know this. Maybe she never will. But somehow, when she reaches out—my soul sees something, in any form, at the gate. And some part of me wonders…

May 15, 2025

Have her dreams become mine? And mine become hers? What’s the logic behind this— Day by night, I’m growing absurd.

… and I am waking to the unsaid To whispers that linger, then quietly fled Traces of thoughts I’ve never known Echoes of lives not truly my own

Eyes wide open, yet lost in blur Moments slipping, unsure they were Something is shifting, deep and unheard And silence now speaks louder than word.

May 15, 2025

Left me awaken — I couldn’t fall asleep (Who's that stranger in sleep!?) Drank some water; took a deep, slow breathe

What 'twas — I truly do not know All I know — it didn’t feel my own

I never had such dreams before, My dreams once spoke, they had a core

May 15, 2025 at 4:30AM

And the dream came —

something forgotten; and completely blurred.

nothing remembered

when I woke up… absurd.

shaking my head; rubbing 'em eyes

shuddering my head; and looking behind

tried to remember, but nothing would upfront

unrelated dream 'twas…

जब ना आए रातों को नींद, तो याद कर लेना — वो मेरी बातों से सजे हुए दिन।

मैं रहूं चाहे जितना भी दूर, फिर भी धड़कूं तुझमें — हर एहसास, हर लम्हा बन के करीब।

Anshika, do you know what the stars say about you?

"What?"

They say— when she smiles, the whole universe smiles too. And when she feels low, even galaxies dim, and the neighbor planets grow blue.

"Why is that?"

Because when the time is good, everything’s fine— all good in the hood. But when the time is bad, even trouble knocks on God’s door… and the skies turn red like never before.

MORAL:

Anshika — wherever you are, in whichever city, on whatever land of this Earth— always be happy, always smile.

Things will come when they want to come, troubles will go when they’re meant to go. But I will always be there— standing beside you, in your highs and lows, in rains and sun, in typhoons and floods, in your good days and bad ones— to hold your hand.

Sometimes directly, sometimes—indirectly. In your life, in your dreams, and at night, when you quietly sleep.

Today, I had another dream about Anshika—so vivid and unsettling that I felt compelled to message her immediately afterward. Ever since she entered my life, I’ve experienced a series of dreams, many of which seem to revolve around her. These dreams often feel like emotional callings—trying to communicate something I can’t quite understand. But when I focus and try to decode them, they begin to morph into something frightening.

In this particular dream, I saw two girls—both reaching out to me, trying to communicate. Strangely, they seemed to be sharing the same phone to talk to me. One of the girls, upon discovering that the other was also drawn to me, ended up killing her. The memory is blurred now, but the imagery still lingers: I stood outside a room with another girl while seeing the aftermath from the doorway. One girl lay lifeless on the bed, facedown, and blood stained both the bed and the floor. The sight shocked me to the core, and I woke up terrified.

I’ve never had such disturbing dreams before—dreams that feel so foreign, as though they don't even originate from my own subconscious. These aren't my dreams; they feel like hers. Anshika has often told me about her nightmares—confusing, emotionally intense dreams that leave her in tears or even cause her to wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

It feels as though her energy is somehow transferring to me. I’ve been told that I’m energetically sensitive, possibly even vulnerable due to astrological factors, which makes me more susceptible to external emotional influences. But such transference doesn’t happen with just anyone—it only happens when two people are deeply connected.

And that’s exactly what I believe we are: connected. Deeply. Energetically. Emotionally.

There have been instances where, when I miss her intensely, she ends up having vivid dreams. And when she longs for me or calls out for me—consciously or unconsciously—I end up dreaming about her. It might sound irrational or difficult to believe, but I can’t ignore what I’ve experienced. I never used to believe in such things myself... until Anshika helped me witness and accept it, not just as a thought, but as a truth that keeps revealing itself through our shared connection.

May 14, 2025

I’ve always felt that there’s a powerful and unexplainable connection between Anshika and me—something intangible yet deeply grounding that keeps us emotionally bound. Over the past few days, I’ve been trying to resist certain emotional "callings" I’ve been sensing—callings that feel like they originate from Anshika but are somehow shadowed by a wave of negative energy.

Today, I could no longer ignore it.

Interestingly, Anshika shared with me that the positivity bracelet I once gifted her recently broke. While it might seem like a mere coincidence, I can’t help but feel it symbolizes how the negativity surrounding her is trying to reject anything positive from entering her life—including me.

Some spiritual advisors I’ve spoken to have described my energy as inherently positive, yet vulnerable. This means that I can be easily influenced or impacted by negative forces. I’ve certainly experienced this firsthand.

When I was consistently present in Anshika’s life—even virtually—she seemed happier, lighter, as if she was finally feeling something she had long been deprived of. But in the past 20 days of distance, I’ve noticed a shift. She appears withdrawn again, surrounded by the same negativity that once consumed her. And while I was close, I too began to feel the effects: sleepless nights, persistent headaches centered deep within, and a strange, unbearable pull whenever I thought of her.

It’s a connection I can’t fully explain, but I’m certain it’s real. I truly believe she needs me—but something unseen seems determined to keep us apart. Perhaps it’s because my presence brings her a sense of peace, comfort, and safety—things that negativity thrives to resist.

I don’t have all the answers. These reflections are based purely on what I’ve personally felt, instinctively sensed, and gathered through conversations with Anshika. But despite the confusion and distractions I’m facing—possibly influenced by an overlap of her energy with mine—I know this: I’m not far from her. I’m still here. And the dreams… they haven’t stopped calling me.

I believe that one day, we’ll be together again. When that time comes, I’ll help guide her away from the sadness, pain, and darkness.

Until then, I remain in motion—but never truly gone.

25th feb. 2025 / 1:37AM 

The thought of creating a diary for one of my favorite friends, Anshika, came out of nowhere. I was working on my laptop—just like any other day—but tonight, exhaustion hit me hard. I suddenly shut everything down and went for a cold shower, needing a moment of escape.

When I returned, feeling slightly refreshed, I noticed a message from Anshika in my inbox. Just seeing her name instantly brought me a sense of calm and happiness—and honestly, I don’t even know why. Every time she messages me, even if it’s just a simple "Hi", or whenever I hear her voice, it feels like all my worries, pain, and stress vanish for a while. She has that effect on me.

I don’t quite know what to call our bond—we’ve never met in person. Everything between us has been virtual. We've exchanged pictures, we've shared moments, and it's been over three months since we first met. It was back in January 2025, around the time the PUBG 3.6 update rolled out. Since then, we’ve grown close. With time, I found myself getting even more attached to her. Eventually, I expressed my feelings—sometimes directly, sometimes just through words on our calls. 

I still don’t know how she truly feels or if she feels the same, but for now, I see it as a long-distance, one-sided love.

And I understand—love like this often ends in heartbreak. I’ve been there before, more than once. Yet somehow, my heart never learns. And here I am again, in a familiar place I thought I’d left behind.

I can’t predict the future, and I don’t know what tomorrow holds. But I do know that I want to treasure every moment I get to spend with her—even if it’s just online. I want to be someone she knows will always be there, especially when she feels alone. Through her highs and lows, good days and bad, I want to stand by her side—no matter what.

That’s the purpose of whatever this relationship is—to be there for her. That’s all I’ve decided. That’s enough.

So, I’ve created this page—Anshika’s Diary—to keep the memories alive. To capture every feeling, every virtual moment we’ve shared, and how deeply they’ve touched me. I’ll also turn my feelings into poems—each one dedicated solely to her.

I began writing this diary in April 2025 for one of my dearest friends, Anshika. It started as a heartfelt initiative on my blogging site, with the hope of eventually printing and presenting it to her as a gift—a keepsake of our friendship, companionship, and whatever beautiful bond we may call it.

The very first post was written on February 25, 2025, at 1:37 AM. That same night, an unexpected turn of events took me away from my space, urging me to retreat and reflect.

This page has been created as a way to remain connected with her, to express how deeply I miss her presence each day. And when we reunite, I know it will be nothing short of a beautiful, overwhelming celebration. I have so many plans—moments I want to create and share with her—but instead of revealing everything here, I prefer to pen down my feelings in quiet reflection, allowing my words to carry the depth of my emotions.

This blog will hold everything that reminds me of Anshika—her essence captured in articles, poems, stories, and personal reflections. Whatever thoughts cross my mind in relation to her, I will strive to translate them into words—words that carry the softness of emotions and the sincerity of connection, like a whisper carried through the breeze of love.

Given her gentle nature, I chose to name this blog ‘Anshika – The Soft Petal.’ In contrast, my private entries—kept separate and known only to me—carry the more intimate title: ‘Anshika’s Diary.’