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@projared @spacehamsterg @peanutbuttergamer @brutalmoose as the game squad! They’re in the costumes their characters wore in Mario Party 3.

That’s what this shit is, right? A blog site? Anyway I’m gonna start writing stuff to get a rational understanding of things in my head on paper. Or pixels. Whatever. You actually taking the time to read this is an undertaking in futility and I can’t be fuckered to care whether or not you actually do. So with plenty of further ado, here is my brain.

My life is in shambles. That’s mostly from neglect so I guess the only person I have to blame is myself. Regardless, shambles is a perfect description of the swirling vortex of chaos that I find myself in. I have no time management skills to speak of and even less personal hygeine. I’m so far removed from skin-care it might as well be called skin-abuse at this point. But despite my own inadequacies I’m gonna make an attempt to cultivate some sense of self-worth out of the travesty that I call my life.

Attempt #1 - Exercise. Been doing that shit. Got my resting heart rate down to about 50 BPM. That’s scary btw. My heart takes so long between beats that I think I’m dead every other second. But I’ve heard this is a good thing and I seem to be able to run 4+ miles on the reg now so whoopity fuckaloo I’m a runner, baby.

Attempt #2 - Diet. Fuck food. It’s too complicated. You are what you eat and I can’t stop shoveling dick inside me long enough to actually care. But at least I can log it. So I’m gonna do that. Go me.

Attempt #3 - Scheduling. Alright now fuck this shit right here. I can’t think 2 seconds ahead let alone a full day. How the squiggly tits am I supposed to think A WEEK ahead. Either way, I downloaded an app to help. Hate it already but I already hated scheduling so nothing’s really changed. The only thing I really need to focus on is taking time to do said shit. Could probably find some free time in between my heartbeats. Which is a long time now.

Attempt #4 - Lists should stop at 3. Listen, I’m gonna level with you… I wrote this line before I actually knew what I was gonna put here. I know the previously 3 attempts might make me seem like some overachieving douchebag (and you’re RIIIIIIIIIIGHT) but even I have limits. So let’s just all pretend I put something profound on this line and move on with our days.

Well that was painful. Also I slept like shit last night. Still reeling from time-traveling over the Pacific Ocean. Australia was fun but oof ow my jet lag. But that’s not why I slept like shit. I couldn’t sleep because Henry kept waking up to shoot liquid poopy out every 2 hours. He’s a good boy though and woke us up every time he needed to go outside. What a good boy. What a good poopy boy.

Much love. Stay woke. Poop well.

thanks @glixbitch for the template