Ash They/she 30

don’t let the horny posting fool you too much, i am a hopeless romantic little bitch at heart

more vampires with multigenerational adopted human offspring. they wake up, get the tykes ready for pre-school, beg their preteen not to get caught on their phone in class again (caught being the emphasis, they're a realist), venmo their college kid for "textbook money" (as if they don't teach all their kids how to pirate that shit), have a lunch meeting with their 49-year-old-realtor-kid to discuss the possibility of quietly buying another local warehouse that would absolutely not be used for tax evasion/illegal artifact storage purposes, then spend the afternoon in a bloodthirsty mahjong battle at their eldest kid's (82) snazzy new retirement community

and then after everyone's bedtime they eat people or whatever

I need someone to be so deeply in love w me like they’re always like it’s so cute when you do this I love it when you do that when I saw this it reminded me of you etc etc like I’m too hot for anything less

It’s officially playtime ~

i hope your kink is me

girls will see your fingers and imagine what it would feel like inside of them

hnn I WANT IT SO BAD

Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?

OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement

There’s more!

I love.

OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card

Nearing on 375K Notes!!! What in the Paleolithic are y'all gonna do when they top 400K?!

cry, probably

Reblogging to get you one note closer to crossing the 400k mark!

IT’S TIME

…Another epic.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse

Don’t be mad when I give someone else what I wanted to give you.

You deserve someone who wants to figure it out with you.