I was so so afraid to not hurt someone else the way I got hurt that come to think, I guess I did hurt them, unintentionally. Astaghfirullah. I am so sorry if I did.
Makes me wonder if I got hurt “unintentionally” too, if my pain was mine and not caused by them. I’m so torn.
Why was I not mature enough to handle both the situations. I’m so smart in some ways and completely opposite and utterly dumb in others. I’m so torn.
I’m in need of companionship but my family situation doesn’t enable to get the desired proposals and I have fear of Allah taala so I don’t wanna indulge romantically with someone because I know it will count as haram. I’m a sinner like everyone else and maybe finding someone via dating, online or otherwise, is the only way but the awareness is not making me make this mistake. I’m torn.