wallflowered

I want to know what it's like to fall in love. To be looked at with glee and admiration and know it's real. I want to know how love takes control. The simplicity of it but also what makes it hesitant. I want the hand holding, the soul searching, the need to reciprocate that same feeling and feed off each other's love. I want the glamour but the dumbed down version of it. Not the poppy cock drama that feeds our desires so much we think love is there but not. I want the reality of it with fiction splashed here and there but not the fiction with reality reminding me it's not real. I want to know what if feels to fall in love with someone human

i've realised i always come back to tumblr whenever i feel like i should be making changes in mylife. it's that one constant place where it doesnt change no matter how long i don't check. but i really need to make changes now

I feel like im living for people and what they expect me to be but not for myself and i dont know how to get out of it.

Some movies have definitive elements that can open you up. I've watched plenty film and felt their message and watched equally as much with no message and I've really seen how i want life to go. Pride and Prejudice taught me love is not always at first sight but grows as you know a person. Call Me By Your Name showed me it doesn't matter how long it takes, when it's there it's there. This Is Where I Leave You made me realize a life plan can actually stop you from living life. Draft Day helped me realize that i should trust my judgment it'll pay off. Sex and the City taught me empowerment and the beauty of friendships. I want love and I'm willing to wait for it, i don't need to be a millionaire by 23 if it means i dont get to live life achieving that. I'm working on taking my opinions seriously and building confidence in relationships. I'm a fanatic for movies but now more so for their impact

I am exhausted. I cry and wish for nothing more than dry eyes. And happy thoughts. I am tired of the voice saying you can do better, but feeling helpless and disconnected. Im so sad, so hurt so disheartened so miserable so down. I want to cry and breathe and know it's all over, done forever. I want to be better.

Ive never dated people who allowed me to be me or allowed us to grow in our relationship you know. It was always guys who wanted it secret or underwraps no communication no dates, no sharing stuff just short conversations when we're together and sex. But the man im dating now? He's so kind. He's actually given me space to talk to him freely, to communicate in different ways verbally, through text and even through visuals. I send him so many posts that i know he'd like or music he likes or poems i like that i want to share and he responds to them like he wants to not because he has to. We speak on two different platforms simultaneously and that's something I've only even done with my girls. It made me giddy and happy. And the thing is it's just communication, thats all I've been stripped of in past relationships and all im getting in this one. Ugh he's just so good for me

I am so sad

I overshare to compensate for the fact that i have no one to share too

What am I doing so wrong in life that I always feel so empty