It's not easy having a good time.

Let’s say you’re on a boat that has begun to sink, what happens? People board the lifeboats but who gets first priority? Women and children, women and children, women and children. The same can be said for any disaster like a burning building, but whatever it is the women and children are always evacuated first.

This is called benevolent sexism, and though it is intended to protect the lives of the most vulnerable members of society (children) and their bearers and caregivers (women), it is still sexism. In no way does this perceived “benefit” lessen the burden of hundreds of years of systematic oppression.

Let’s say there is a major military threat to your country and there is a draft, what happens? Although a military may claim to be completely unbiased the numbers never lie, there are always more men than women on the battlefield.

Why do you suppose that is? Could it be because men and women are taught that men are supposed to be the warriors? Could it be because women face more social judgment for choosing military careers than their male counterparts? Could it be because within the military, women face more bullying and sexual assault than men do? 

Did you know that many women oppose the United States Selective Service program because it is unfair? NOW and the ACLU have both petitioned against it. Also consider that not all countries discourage women from joining the military, in a draft or otherwise. Wikipedia will list for you the countries that permit women in active combat.

To look at this issue another way, consider how close this is to telling someone in 1970 that it’s okay that they lost their job for being gay because homosexuality was enough to prevent being drafted. This is not an advantage, or a benefit. This does not make up for oppression.

“70 cent to every dollar,” sound familiar? That’s another common patriarchal oppression to women that I also care to dispute with four little words. Get a different job. There are fields where men excel in and fields where women excel in, there are fields where men do poorly in and fields where women do poorly in. All you need to do to get around that pay gap and work smarter not harder. Maybe even get an education in college or university and maybe even enjoy a female specific educational grant that no males are even eligible for.

Women shouldn’t have to “get a different job.” Women should be paid equally, period. Women should be considered equally for leadership opportunities. Women should not have to justify choosing careers over having a family, nor should their ability to maintain both be questioned. I would also like to note the voice of privilege here, advising people to simply “get a different job” or to “get and education in college or university.” In this country, thousands of people are without those options.

The reason female-specific grants exist is because women have historically been under-represented in higher education. In order to make sure that women can be represented higher up the food chain, women have to be given a boost at the bottom. Also note that lady-specific grants are far outnumbered by grants available to all, to men, and to racial or religious minorities. Note that the United States doesn’t have “white history month” or “men’s history month” because EVERY MONTH is white, male history month.

Let’s say for whatever reason you failed at obtaining a job and you ended up losing everything and you are now homeless. If you go to a homeless shelter you will see the same men every week but only a few women if any. In every case women get rehoused within weeks but for men it takes years if ever. Is that fair?

More women than ever are experiencing homelessness worldwide. There are dozens of factors at play, including age, minority status, marital status, housing dependency/presence of children, risk of drug/alcohol abuse, and willingness to ask for help. The term “hidden homelessness” refers to populations such as women who take extra measures to assure that they aren’t exposed to the social stigmas and physical vulnerabilities that homelessness poses. Because many women take these measures, figures on homelessness under-represent homeless women. Homeless women are much more vulnerable to assault and abuse than homeless men, and women and family-only shelters exist to protect women and children from these risks. Studies show that yes, women more frequently exit the cycle of homelessness; women are more likely to ask for help and to take the help they are offered. I recommend that you Google “gender and homeless” and read about some of the complexities at play.

Now, I know you might be thinking that these examples just show that women are seen as weak or inferior to men and thus women are oppressed but really? At the end of the day patriarchy does restrict women but it also saves women in those extreme life or death situations. What happens to men, though? They get killed and is that really fair?

In those extreme life-or-death situations that happen to maybe one in ten thousand women? That one time she is put before the men in her life, and it’s to protect her value as a baby-maker? You are trying to weigh once-in-a-lifetime extremes against 24/7/365 assault against the value of a human being because of her gender. Her opinions are devalued, the roles she is allowed to assume in life are limited, she is constantly guarding herself against attacks on her virtue, intellect, and self-worth. There is no amount of door-holding that is going to make up for that! No, it’s not fair that men are told to be stoic soldiers who must sacrifice their lives for their wives and children. Can you see that patriarchy is holding that system in place? Can you see that feminism is fighting that system?

Life is a game, you have to know the rules, strategies, your opponents and every other aspect of how to play to succeed. In a game you always have two options, play to your advantages or whine about the rules and go nowhere. Patriarchy negatively and positively effects both men and women, but men don’t get to complain about it. So next time you want to cry “patriarchy” think about it, does that really help anyone or does taking action?

Don’t be a feminist, be an egalitarian and support the whole team.

Instead of complaining about the limitations that patriarchy puts on the roles they allowed to assume and the emotions they are allowed to express, here is someone complaining about feminists pointing out that this whole system is bullshit. I choose the Kobayashi Maru: CHANGE THE GAME. No one should have to be playing by these rules. And we DO take action.

We take action by saying NO to people that pay women less than they pay men.

We take action by saying NO to organizations that refuse to provide women access to positions of power.

We take action by saying NO to militaries that permit the abuse of its soldiers, male or female.

We take action is by saying NO to a culture that wants to define its people by their genitalia.

THIS IS FEMINISM. Feminism benefits everybody.