Ar: Blossom tears

Last 15 mins of the end of 2023, and I want to thank all my family and friends who made 2023 a wonderful year for me. Forgive me if i ever hurt your feelings or said anything that made me offended you in any way. I am happy that some of my friends are still in my life and I hope you have a great blessing this upcoming year.

Blessed to have great close friends in my life. Always thankful and always grateful for them ! Thank you ladies and gents <3

2024 Resolution for me is to be grateful with what i have in my life. I will not to have any negatives thoughts and always speak my mind with gentle/proper words to express myself towards my friends. I will want to keep my circle small and try to do the best i can with my close friends. I will not overthink things (i hope) and i try to be the best version of me. I would want to try out new things in 2024 and maybe try doing it by my own. Try out some new hobbies, finish up my physical books on my shelves. Not really fond of anything for my love life. I hope things will go well and smoothly for me this coming year. Till next time,

It's a relief. I did it (again!) and I can move on to the next peacefully now. I guess I just gotta try my luck every time. Insha Allah.

I will cringe at thought of it at any time of the day and ask why I do this kind of stuff but also relief. /pats back/ you did well !

I think that I will be fine without love. Sure, its something i crave but also i think that i cant commit to it. Still putting hope but i feel that time is running out so fast. I don't want to make a rash decision just to settle down. I will be fine.

I will be fine.

Bbyong,

It's already year 2022. It's been a while since i wrote here and post an update on my life. I should start updating here more.

Well, this year 2022, i took alot of my time on reading books. Romance book specifically because my love life is so boring and not exciting at all. I read romance books alot and i wish/hope some of it happens to me (lol thats not gonna happen)

Updates on life. Still working in the office as per usual. COVID19 situation has reduce(i think) but so far so good. Need to start planning to go overseas especially Seoul, Korea (again!) Some of my friends which im not close to, got married and one of my close friend is pregnant again. SUPER HAPPY !

Well, good news is that me and my 3rd sister gonna be the new owners for my current house and once my 2nd sister moves out and my room is completely furnished, We plan to keep cats. I know there's al ot of responsibilities of keeping cats and i still have a ongoing convincing my mom about keeping cats and what need to be done to cat proof the house. She somewhat half way convinced and at the same time said, her own words, "if the cats run out of the house, i'm not gonna chase it. I'll let it be" Well... good luck to me.

Again, I don't think im able to settle down because of the house and whatnot. Though, i still crave for affection (badly) Time will come i guess. My friend pursuade me to download dating app again after last year, i went out to hking with a guy from okc and also made a rash decision to not continue meeting the guy. He was kind and nice tho but i couldnt trust myself. The anxiousness got real and i backed out quickly too. He deserved someone better than me. I wish i was brave to take the risk on being a relationship. 😮‍💨 I've been constantly feeling lonely but i kept myself occupied with books and gaming sessions with my buddy. I play Apex Legends mobile and Dead by Daylight mobile. Call of duty mobile too but its been a while.

Nothing much changes but hopefully everything goes well. I wish yall SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN (since its the 3rd day of Raya) Till next time !!

BBbyong,

Late last night before i went to sleep, i thought about this topic. WHY CHEAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. 

Just a random thing that got me thinking like just explain to me, didn’t both of you got together because you both like each other but you had the audacity to cheat behind his/her back then blame it on each other for not giving attention or  “he/she made me feel something else” OK then, tell her/him that ! If both of you don’t feel the same way, atleast give a reasonable reason for a breakup. Not like “oh i feel so boring with you already”, “i found someone else who made me feel a certain way” “i don’t feel the spark with you anymore” “i cheated on you with someone else” GIVE A REASON BEHIND ALL THOSE THINGS YOU DID!

like bro/sis, then did you both at least did something to save it ? I feel that 2 people in a relationship should find a way for a better communication with each other. Please also respect each other while being together, if you know what you’re doing wrong, own up to your other half and explain why you did it. He/She will understand(or won’t), but i believe if you love each other, things like this will slowly be forgiven. 

If you’re unsure about your own feelings towards the guy/girl, please just think carefully before committing in a relationship. i made myself to think over and over again if i can commit but sadly if i’m in a relationship, my sense heighten by itself, call it my insecurities senses perks up because i can feel if there’s something between us have a negative energy, i will know and it will keep me up all night thinking about it. I for sure be questioning you for it. 

Seems like 2021 has begun. Wishing all my friends a HAPPY NEW YEAR.I’m looking forward to what this year brings me. I hope that i can try out new things; be it a new hobby or a new learning class to attend.

As of today, its been 6 days since i deactivate my instagram (since 29 Dec 2020), because i know i spent a lot of my time using that app so much that somehow i feel like i’m too curious about things. No one has really come forward and ask me why i disable it. Not gonna lie that i was hoping that at least of my friends would ask me but they didn’t. One of them did notice. It’s okay, probably for the best. I am still deciding whether or not I should activate it back, but the difference about me without having it is that i don’t need to know other peoples stories or life’s going. I still have my other spam and public account but thats mainly just for my shopping purposes and BTS. I should probably focus on myself. 

Maybe it is a good thing not having social media after all. I spend a lot of my time now catching up with my American Series. I’m not sure why but year 2020 wasn’t that a good year for me, probably because I was kind of sensitive. I hope this year, i don’t have to deal with unnecessary drama. I just wish to keep really REALLY close friends near me. 

Let’s hope I can make it through this year without falling apart. I want to make myself happy. Focus on myself. Improve on myself religious wise (amin amin)

Is it hard to find someone who is suitable for you ? Is it possible to find a "perfect" guy for every women in the world ? Is it possible for someone to love you as much as you love them ?

I feel like I will never find who will understand me inside out. It's not that I'm rushing to be with someone but i love to have someone from the opposite gender to be by my side. Truthfully, i don't know if im able to commit myself in a relationship. How can I love/like someone when i can't love myself. I'm scared to be commited. I like to be someone's option/choice but i know very well that they deserve someone better. The fact that i have the courage/confidence in relaying/confessing my feelings to someone, i just feel like its nothing to them and also to rethinking about it just makes me question myself, "why did i even do that in the first place?" I tell myself from now on, the feelings i have for someone will be kept within me just for myself.

There's this guy in my mind and i will write this message to him here.

- Just so you know, the friendship we have right now, im truthfully grateful. I do wish to know you more than now. I want to be the person for you to open up, to cheer you on and be supportive of eveything you do. I want to be there for you. I don't wish to lose you as my friend too. I can only hope for now. I'm always happy talking to you eventhough it's not everyday. If you don't ever feel the same way as me, well thats that because you reallh deserve someone better. I will always miss you. -

I know being alone is not the end of the world. I know there's other things to be worried about. I know time will tell if its right for me/you.

I believe that Allah have better pair for me when I start to improve on myself. To be the best of myself, i tried to be honest to my friends as truthful as I can. I want to start "berubah" on myself religiously but still have this stubborness of doing sinful things.

Bbyong,

Never leave her for her random mood swings. Never leave her for her introvert personalities. Never leave her for being sensitive over small things. Never leave her for being too clingy. Know her comfortable side. Know the things that she does when she’s happy. Know the things she does when she’s feeling down.

There will be days when she to be by her own. There will be days when she’s sings her favorite song randomly. There will be days where she wants company. There will be days where she just wants to be out and get some fresh air. There will be days where she wants a warm hug from someone who’s dearest to her. There will be days where she decides to dress up. There will be days where simplicity at its best. There will be days when she wants to be part of your activities and sometimes don’t.

It’s my personal opinion on how to console someone who just had a breakup. Start off by asking her if she fine even though she will lie and say that she’s fine but don’t stop it there. Ask her if she want to meet up for a coffee or grab an ice cream. Keep in mind to not force her to go out, you can always give her a phone call and console her with comforting words. Give it a day or two to ask her to meet up again because for someone who’s going through the breakup, doesn’t want to be alone even she clearly said wants to be left alone. The more she’s alone; she might end up thinking about self-harm or just end up being in bed and not have the appetite to eat.

If she ends up going out to meet you, plan a place which doesn’t have a lot of people, a café that usually doesn’t have a lot of customers. Offer to pay for her drinks or desserts (if at the café), if she doesn’t want it, grab her something that she would most likely order to drink, something sweet for ladies. After getting the drinks and dessert, if there is, ask her how she is feeling and ask if she wants to talk about it. Know what was the cause of her breakup but if she doesn’t want to talk about it, just say that you will be there for her anytime be it physically or a phone away. Comfort her with advice for the future relationship. Always be cautious be mindful of your words. Try to lighten up her mood, like bring her to places she have wanted to go or some activities to get her mind off like karaoke or arcade. Try to get her to laugh throughout the day, eventually she will feel a lot better for the day and also don’t forget to eat dinner before heading home. At the end of the day with a hug, pat her back saying that you’re just a phone call away for anything.

Keep yourself updated on how’s she feeling. Text her if she okay (don’t be overly texting her as you might end up annoy her with your constant messages), you can always text her random things like sending her memes or cute picture of something, don’t always have to bring up on how she’s been holding up. At some part of her, she will appreciate with you being by her side when she’s feeling down. Advice for guys, please don’t have your own ulterior motive when consoling a girl when she’s going through a breakup. You’re supposed to console for the benefit of her well-being not for your self-goals. She might end up giving you the signals that she “likes” you but it’s because she crave for affection so please don’t take the wrong way. Make sure she’s properly healed before starting something with her. Draw a line between you and her, so that she knows you are there for her as a friend and nothing more.

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I decided to make myself happy before I make others happy. I'm not content with my life. There's so many things going around and I can't bare to look away because it's about my life in the future too. It's part of my responsibility to start saving for my parents.

Actually, I'm disappointed with myself. Previously, I didn't bother to take notice about it but after listening that some people have their free and easy life, I feel sad as my parents wants to have that kind of life too. I have to start be responsible. I hope that one day, my parents will have free and easy life too.

God, please help me.

Bbyong,

Thank you for always making me happy whenever I’m here in Korea. Celebrated my birthday here was one of my bucket list as well as celebrating it with my friends here makes it more enjoyable ! Many more other places I should visit. Thank you! 사랑해 서울 ♡