DPHW, but in two directions
The following contains spoilers for all of The Magnus Archives and The Magnus Protocol throughout, as well as minor spoilers for the ARG. I'd advise against reading unless you're caught up on Episode 40 of The Magnus Protocol!
This is also based off @bonzos-number-1-fan's theory of DPHW categories - it was originally supposed to be a comment on their post but I exceeded the character limit. I don't claim to be right with this, I'm just investigating a slightly different direction that their theory could be taken!
For those unfamiliar, their theory is that each initial of DPHW represents a sliding scale from 1-9. Importantly, they also theorise that each initial is translated from German; DPHW is TSHU in German. They also have suggestions for each category: Deadly, Painful, Helpless, and Weird (Unheimlich).
Currently, the assumption is that scales run in one direction. For example, on the P/S scale, 1 is a sort of neutral/null rating that represents no pain. However, to represent the idea of balancing about an equilibrium point, what if 5 is true neutral, and any deviation from that represents either a positive or a negative? For example, 5 is painless, 9 is painful, and 1 is enjoyable.
I’ve found that subtracting 5 from all ratings helps analyse them this way (so they go from -4 to +4 rather than 1 to 9). This is backed up by FR3-d1’s report being given a DPHW of 5555 (0000 if you shift by -5). Jonah Magnus’ report also scores 5 (0) in all but one category, which matches the academic, dispassionate tone of the statement.
The shift from a 1-9 scale to a -4-4 one isn't just semantic. There are some working categories, such as Unheimlich, that can only really go in one direction. I thought this was an issue with my theory, but then realised latest statements (Heinrich Unheimlich) don’t score that highly in the W/U category – I would have expected at least an 8 since it’s in the guy’s name!
Instead, what if Unheimlich is incorrect, and it was instead Heimlich (the H/H category)? This can now go in two directions: overly familiar, or overly uncanny. I’ve looked over the H ratings for all episodes and this seems to check out. The highest H rating is the violinist (#4), who was searching for a place of belonging, and who passed an item down as a family heirloom. The screening of Voyeur, where the viewer is surprised by personal details, also ranks high. Meanwhile, Mr Bonzo ranks low for the stag dinner (#12), where the person was too young to watch his shows, but high for the person who grew up on his shows and saw him as a god (#35).