I'm always there♡

They wanna fly high and touch the sky. But they don't remember the fact that the kite can't stay long in the sky if it is not connected to its roots.

It may fly higher, but its downfall is guaranteed.

Every dharm, every culture has its own history, observations, reasons and rules. People blindly following modernisation are happy that they are being freed from the culture... but they don't.... like I'm already fed up with this but they don't but they don't....

You want to follow developed nations? Okay. Do so. But don't you see the rising mental illnesses there? And the same path that our nation is going on? You'll take chemicals and drugs to cure yourself, but you can't simply follow a healthy routine!? Tell me. How hard is that? Being in the rat race has made most of us dumb.

I just miss my fam

They are the only ones I talk my heart to...

They are the only ones I trust, from the bottom of my heart.

Be it people, be it circumstances, be it behaviour, be it character, be it anything.

But it changes.

One fourth of a decade ago, I was so convinced I couldn't be in med school, and here I am. Pulling my life forcefully with me. It wants to go on the heartfelt path. And I drag it through medical college.

I don't know how these 2.5 years flew. But they changed A LOT in me. And NOW I am convinced that I say right.

Let the time pass, the thing we're crying over, won't even matter.

Deemak! A character I mentioned in one of the previous posts, is a great guy in my college. I'm glad he shares his feelings with me. And I'm more glad when I think that I can convince him. He's not on tumblr rn. So I can right the hell I want babes😂!

I've ..

Mujhe pure gaane k liye rukna chahiye tha but solutions aane lag gye dimag me so I thought to pause it in mid and come to you babe...

I've figured out my ultimate problem. Although it is something usually people don't consider a problem..... ruk yaar.

It's my satisfaction. Bloody happiness being satisfied. Exactly. M khush hu. Isliye m kuch karne ki koshish nahi karti.  And obviously ab main kisiko blame nahi kar sakti. Kyuki meri life hai. Mere decisions hain. Main jab apni life me koi improvement hi nahi chahti to kiske liye kaam karu?

Chalne do jaisa chal rha hai. Pehle to dimag kehta tha, padhle warna shadi ho jaegi. Ab to usse bhi darr nahi lagta. In fact naya adventure dikhta hai after destruction life me.

Meri practical side to ab bhi yhi keh rhi hai shadi k baad life destroyed hai. But being my emotional bitch, saari planning ki amma sister ek kardi. Can't even say I hate my father for being to persuasive, coz I love him, period.

Yaar isse badi dikkat ye hai ki main koi solution dhundh hi nahi rhi. To milega kaise? I mean like duh. Bina dhundhe to mujhe medical nahi mili. Solution to dur ki baat. As a matter of fact, ye maritime university ki entry ne or zyada confuse kar diya. Yaar do saal se maths touch nahi ki maine. Ab iska paper dena hai. Ek saal mental ability k naam pe sudoku barthe ja rhi hu. But come on yaar. Paper me koi waisa question thodi puchega.

Moreover, physics achi lagne lag gyi. Chemistry se ghin aani shuru ho gyi. Biology.... well I've never been more confused about bio. Or kasam khayi hai, ki agar 30. 08. 2020 tak maths se pyaar ho gaya, to biology chhod dungi. Matlab konsa sasta nasha kiya tha behn tune nind me.!? Hain!?

Din me do coffee, ek dedh ghante dance, pura din youtube. Or majjali life.

Reason being for this whole figuring out session was a quote.

Yaad nahi hai kiska hai but hai. Ki apni life me kuch unusual chahiye to kuch unusual karo.

Tab realise hua ki behnchod main to apni life se more than enough satisfied hu. Itna satisfied ki aaj mardo to khush hu. To fir padhu kyu?

Exactly babe. Padhna kyu hai. Tauji ko prove thodi karna hai ki unse better parents mere mummy papa hain. Saare cousins ko dikhana thodi hai ki I'm the best sista in the family.

Knock knock. Realization just kicked in my butt.

Mujhe bura nahi lag raha kisi bhi baat ka. Main khush hu.

Itni hadd ho gayi ki mujhe is lockdown  wali life se ishq ho gaya hai. To kyu karu main bahr nikalne ki koshish!?

Kisi bhi bande ko 90 secs se zyada taadti hu to yaad aaya hai ki saala wo to apni aukat se bahr hai. Or fir main sakht hu. Sakhti my foot. Har deep eyes wale bande ki eye-fucking ho jati hai meri aankho se. Apni shakal se pyaar ho nahi paya hai mujhe. Karna kya hai beta.

Life is not all about crushes, sex, ex, padhai, career, love, marriage, fight, struggle, and all that fucked up shit. It has a deeper meaning to it. Kuch aisa, jiska existence mujhe pata hai, but wo hai kya, ye nahi pata.

Boht chhoti thi jab mummy se pucha tha ki exactly bhagwan hain kon? Exactly ye dharti bani kaise? Sabse pehle kon tha? Wo sab dekha kisne? Main kon hu? Ye shareer mera hai, ye aatma meri hai, ye dil mera hai, ye dimag mera hai, to main kon hu!?

Tabse kuch koshish ki hoti to shayad aaj tak saare answers mil chuke hote.

But ab kuch samajh nahi aa rha yaar. What is the meaning of my life? Kyu?

Itni cheeze seekhne ki koshish ki but adhura hi chhod diya. Jo bhi kuch try karti hu bich me hi reh jata hai. Isliye second drop pe bhi chup thi. Is baar koi faisla nikalta to harami lockdown, corona, crap. To 12th pass shadi hogi kya!? Ha ab darr lag rha hai. Achanak se shadi k naam pe. Kyuki AT LEAST graduate to hona hi hai na. Neelakuranji, bamboo, rafting, trips, adventures, kisi bhi cheez me interest nahi aa raha yaar. I feel like dead inside. Kyuki kuch hai hi nahi. I mean I do love my parents. Much more than you can ever realise. Or even i can ever realise. Saari life inki hi hai meri. Isliye. Ye bolenge to main shadi bhi karungi.

BUT I NEED TO KNOW MY PURPOSE. Hu kon main? Karna kya hai mujhe? Kyu hu?

Jab attempt kiya tha tab bhi nahi Mari!

I'm not depressed yaar. But I have no purpose. Like literally no purpose.

Kya karu kuch samajh nahi aa raha!!!!!!

Idk.

Vishwas wohi todte hain jinpe vishwas kiya jata h.

I'm heartbroken.

Obviously because I trusted someone.

M aaj tak kisi or ki Tarah puri nahi tuti.

Because I didn't trust my everything with someone.

There's something hidden from each and every person who thinks they know me.

Because I don't trust them. Anyone. I know everyone has their own stories. But if I listen to yours, you have to listen to mine. And certainly i can't make people love me by just listening to them. They love me because they know I'm with them. What if sometime I'm not with them. Tab kya.

And the most fucked up part is k log sudharte nahi hain. They don't take away their lessons. Like me.

I never trusted someone of the opposite gender. Yes I am talking in that sense. Isliye kabhi heartbreak nhi hua na. Bhai fir wo bolte hain enjoy your life. Behnchod ise life enjoy karna bolte hain to I am very much happy with my books. At least they don't ditch me. Anytime.

I'm hurt yaar.

Boht zyada.

Kisi se kuch bolo to kehte hain tujhe pyar nhi hua. Lagav nhi hua. Abbe chutiyo reason ye h ki maine apna trust kabhi waste nhi kiya. I never went with just my feelings. I took my brain with me. And never got hurt. But please. Iska mtlb ye nhi h ki mujhe heartless group me include kardo. I am emotional. It's just that I care for the right people around me. My parents and fam. I clearly dont have a fuck to give anyone. Jao. Bhad. Me. Mujhe nhi pata tum kon ho. Jab tak tumhe nhi pata mere bare me. Obviously now I'm not going to write about the things I like and dislike. Fir wo cringe movies ki Tarah ho jaega. K koi ye accidentally padh lega. Mujhe impress kar dega. And then I will officially get fucked up. I just don't think I ever had a true friend. I know they are going through their tough phases. But trust me. I've never felt this strong. Apne phone ko flight mode pe karke jo type karne me maza hai na. Being fully aware k log aapko call karne ki koshish kar rhe honge. But who cares. Neither me. Nor them. So fuck them. I promise myself. That I shall carry myself to the platform I wished for me.

Jo m bhul chuki hu but ye line achi lag rhi thi. Isliye likh di. My last day k piche ye hi inspiration h. How I want my last day to turn out.!?

I feel like dying is the best option for me rn.

I seem to realise my place suddenly..

My value

For others.

Which is a pure zilch.

But like I truly miss the time I could text you freely.

My eyes want to cry.

My hearts needs to cry.

But my brain doesn't.

She thinks she is the smartest.

So she does not allow me to cry.

I'm on revenge.

I won't let her do  anything until she cries... and make my heart lighter!

Left my soul there🧡

Female ecosystem is brutally distorted by women themselves.

People here say that they are modern but do not know the basic rules of supporting their own people, be it their friends or not. We ARE in this together peeps. Leg pulling won't help.