The chronically ill werewolf.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Remus Lupin, Albus Dumbledore, Lyall Lupin Summary:

He wasn't sure how long he'd slept for but it certainly wasn't morning when he finally woke. His jaw was clenched tight from the pain, his stomach nauseated and he was feeling shaky and ill.  His head aching with a familiar ringing headache. Testing his limbs carefully, he found his right leg so stiff and sore that he could barely move it. The knee joint throbbing uncomfortably as he tried to bend it. His skin burned uncomfortably against the clean cotton sheets. Remus lay for at least an hour, running the previous 24 hours’ events through his throbbing head, willing the pain to ease. Too fatigued to sit up. A gentle tap came from the door. "I'm getting up." he responded. His voice sounded hoarse to him. "It's just me checking on you, love." responded Molly. He had fallen asleep in his ragged clothes - shame now coursing through him. What a predicament. He'd been so careful with Molly, making sure he'd only shown the side of him that didn't raise concern. Didn’t appear too odd. Packaging up his werewolfishness into a nice, easily relatable and understandable identity. Now he'd shown up on her doorstep the day after a full moon, after months of seeing no-one from the Order, looking as much a werewolf as a wizard.  His carefully cultivated image now shattered.

He had to pull himself together as best he could. He reached for his wand, carefully cutting his long, filthy hair from his head until it looked neater. His overgrown beard he would need to wait until he was less shaky. Besides, he reasoned, it was covering some of his more recent scarring. His clothes looked awful, but Molly had left a dressing gown and a towel. He tried to stand, carefully keeping his sore head as still as possible, but his right knee was uncooperative. Gently raising the leg of his jeans to look at it, he found that it had swollen to the size of a grapefruit overnight. The bites on his leg had stopped weeping and looked clean for now, but that knee was bad and hot to touch. He looked around the room and then decided he was going to have to use his shirt. He carefully used his wand to cut a strip of fabric from it and then used it to strap his knee as best he could. It was still very painful but at least he could put enough weight on it to hobble.

What he really needed was tea and pain relief and he was going to have to trouble Molly for that. Gritting his teeth, he gripped the door handle tightly as he limped from the room and out to the landing. He tried to remember how many flights of stairs he was going to need to manage, when thankfully he spotted a bathroom opposite. "All right if I take a shower Molly?" he called down the stairs. "Yes of course" she called back up, "I've left you a towel." The water stung horribly against the fresh cuts as he awkwardly washed, trying to keep off his right leg as much as possible. He was just finishing when he overbalanced, whacking his arm sharply against the tap and landing heavily against his right knee. He cried out in pain and then heard Molly thumping up the stairs to the noise. "I'm all right." he called back, "Just clumsy."

"I've set aside some spare clothes of Arthur's." she called through the locked door a few moments later. "I'll just leave them on the landing."

His clothes lay the corner of the bathroom, not anything he could wear again. He put on the dressing gown and gripping all possible surfaces that could support him, he made his way to the bathroom door and pulled in the clothes Molly had left him on the landing. Dressing took a long time and Remus was careful to not overbalance again. This was awkward as it was impossible to bend his knee to pull on the trousers. When he finally stood up he looked at himself in the mirror. The combination of Arthur's old clothes and his pale, lined face made him look depressingly old. But although it had been painful and awkward, it felt so much better being clean.

He picked up the rag from his shirt and carefully wound it around his knee again, tentatively testing his weight on it as he hobbled to the door. He was passably walking now, painfully and with a heavy limp, but more upright. Next test was the stairs. Thankfully he only had two flights. Gripping the handrail tightly, he carefully and quietly edged his way down the stairs, his right knee so weak, he landed heavily on his left leg with every second step. He finally made it to the bottom, wiping his face of perspiration from the effort of getting down the stairs.

"Remus, love, you don't look at all well. I've made you some soup." said Molly from the kitchen door. Remus' stomach churned at the thought of food. "No thanks Molly, I couldn't possibly yet. Maybe just a tea for now." Molly looked at him with incomprehension. "No soup? It'll do you good. You need your strength." she replied. Remus knew he wouldn't be able to eat the soup. "Maybe later." he replied. Molly tutted and turned her back to get the kettle. While her back was turned, Remus moved carefully along the kitchen table, gripping the backs of the chairs before easing into one. He kept his right leg at an awkward angle, wincing as his knee bent slightly as he sat down. Molly turned abruptly and caught his wince.

"I've got some essence of Dittany." she said handing him a mug of milky tea. "Thanks Molly, but would you happen to have any willow bark essence?" he replied, looking into the cup in his hand . "Molly, I'm so sorry but could I trouble you for a tea without milk. Black tea for me today I'm afraid."   Molly threw up her hands in exasperation as she turned to find a new mug. "I can't get anything right today!" she said in tears. "Oh god I'm so sorry Molly." replied Remus quickly. "How are you today?"   "Dreadful." she replied. "I've no idea what's going on. Nobody's told me anything and poor Emmeline gone." she sniffed again. "I'm sorry.” he said quietly, “I don't know anything either. Molly, I'm really very grateful for everything you've done." replied Remus, feeling every bit as awful about imposing on her as he looked. There was a silence, Remus unable to get off the chair to help her or to offer physical comfort as he would have normally done. He sat miserably, feeling useless to help either her or to help himself.  It was awkward trying to recover like this in someone else's house. He had to ask her for what he needed, but it wasn't matching Molly's experience and expectations and she was in no state for him to add to her worries. 

Molly stared out the window lost in her own thoughts. Remus remained silent wondering whether there was any other way he could leave and sort himself out elsewhere. He could not think of another option, besides Tonks possibly, if she was still talking to him. But even then, he needed to remain at headquarters for a short time longer at least.

"If it's OK Molly," Remus said eventually as Molly turned back to the kettle and handed him another mug, "I guess I am just used to knowing what works, and it's just a little bit different to what everyone expects. I'm incredibly grateful, I really am, but I can't normally stomach much after a full moon. Sweet black tea with a pinch of salt, some willow bark infusion and whatever rest I can get is best. " Molly sniffed in frustration. Remus decided he needed to open up a bit more. "I'm just in a fair bit of pain right now with my knee." he replied, leaving out the throbbing headache, aching body, nausea and stinging bite marks on his leg. "I'll take a look." she said. Remus, resigned to her next reaction, carefully leaned over and used the cuff of his trousers to lift his leg, raising it onto an adjacent chair so as not to let the knee bend.  He gently rolled back the right leg of his trousers. Molly, speechless, as she took in the bite marks, the swollen knee and the rag he'd used to strap it. 

"Can you walk on it?" she eventually asked. "Not really." admitted Remus. "I've never seen anything like that before." she said quietly. "It's OK Molly, really. I've seen this often enough, it'll be OK." he replied. "I almost think you'd be better off at St Mungos." she said to him. "It doesn't look great but I do know how to deal with this. St Mungos wouldn't do much more than I can." he replied.

Molly sighed in resignation, "OK, tell me what you need". 

Remus smiled with relief.  "Black tea with three sugars and a pinch of salt. Willow bark infusion if you can spare any.. And maybe something to strap the knee if you've got anything better?" he added hopefully. 

Molly was still looking at his leg doubtfully. "There's not much anyone can do with the bites anymore. I've already done what I can with those." Remus said, as though reading her mind. "There's an ointment I've already applied." he added. "Are they?" Molly started to ask uncertainly.  Remus watched her face carefully as he replied to her unfinished question. 

"Werewolf bites." he confirmed quietly.

Molly bit her lip and turned away. She pointed her wand at a cupboard across the kitchen and a huge wooden first aid box came floating across the kitchen. "I restocked recently. I always needed a well stocked first aid box with the twins around." Remus recognised the willow bark infusion and pulled it out along with a bandage. Using his wand, he removed the old rag and wrapped his knee tightly and neatly in the clean bandage. His hands however were too shaky to pour a measured dose from the glass willow bark essence bottle and he put it back down on the table frustrated. Molly saw this and took it, pouring out a dose and handing it to him silently. He took the dose and then picked up his mug of tea with two hands.

So basically, Remus thought Tonks deserved better in life than with someone “old and poor”, but he’s underestimated this curious and highly trained Auror who has a good instinct for investigative work.

This takes place after the hospital scene at the end of Book 6, where everyone rounds on Remus and basically tells him he’s being ridiculous. 

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"Remus!" she called, chasing him along the corridor at Hogwarts.

"Yes?" Remus asked wearily, turning to walk slowly back towards her.

"I'm sorry I put you on the spot, I knew you wouldn't like it but you won't talk to me and I need to get your attention." Tonks said.

"I know it sounds lame to you, and to everyone else it seems, but I meant what I said. You deserve more." he said resignedly.

"But what about what I want?" she asked him.

"I can't offer you that kind of future. I offer you freedom instead."

"What about my freedom to choose you?"

Remus sighed and turned away.

"Wait! I still need to talk to you" she called to him.

"We're done Dora! Please. Don't make this any harder." he pleaded.

"I've been doing some research. About Wolfsbane. I've found some things out you'll want to know. You need to hear me out!"

"Does it have to be now?" he said exasperated.

"Perhaps you can check your schedule and see when you can fit me in?" she said, arching an eyebrow.

He was no match for her this morning. Resigned, he held open a door to an empty classroom for her and then followed her in.

"OK, so my job has been really awful lately. Standing around the gates of Hogwarts in the cold. Stuck in my own thoughts for hours on end. So I started wondering why Wolfsbane was so expensive and difficult to get hold of. I used the reason of needing the information on werewolves for protecting Hogwarts and put a request into the ministry records department to get more information on it. I found some really interesting things."

He nodded for her to continue.

"I started looking into their supply chain to see what made it so expensive. And found this." She pulled out a short roll of parchment and handed it to him. He looked at it and then turned it upside down, trying to read her writing "Oh I broke my auto-quill. I need to get a new one." she said, pointing at some of the words written.

"These names listed here are on the invoices for some of the supplies used by St Mungos to make some of their potions, like Wolfsbane. It shows apparently different suppliers, but these reference numbers are all sequential. So I checked the company names and they're registered to different addresses. No names on the actual company registration, which is strange enough. But the registered company Owls had a name to their registration, and it was one person."

Remus eyes widened as he recognised the name that the Tonks had scrawled in her messy handwriting. "Dolores Umbridge?" he whispered.

"It's effectively a cartel and she's charging an enormous amount of galleons for a couple of key ingredients that can be bought much more cheaply by others overseas."

Remus was shaking. His head light with fatigue and shock but his body filled with anger from years of stalled hopes and frustrations. Of increasing lycanthropy infections and the lack of any real ability to make decisions about his own future. He stood and started pacing the room and then kicked a chair clean across the classroom.

"I think this is why you and others have had so little success getting hold of Wolfsbane. Why it is so horrifically expensive. Their motivations are laid out all through ministry documents if you know what to look for. I made copies of them. I used an auto-quill so you can actually read those ones properly. It's how I broke it  actually'. Her voice trailed off.

Remus sat back down, the adrenaline of the past 24 hours draining from him, staring at the floor.

Tonks watched him in silence for a moment.

"Look, if you want to walk away from me, from us. Then fine, I'll give you my information anyway and you do what you want with it. But if we're still a team, we know what we're dealing with now. We can fight for this together. Use the werewolf registry properly and open up widespread access to Wolfsbane Potion. Give werewolves real options, real choices.""

Remus sat holding his head in his hands for a very long time. He had been so sure in his decision and his path before him. He had set it in stone, despite the wishes of his friends, Dora and even his own. Prepared to be immovable in the face of all arguments. Finally he reached his arm out to her, she took his hand and he stood and pulled her into a tight hug. 

"I've missed you so much" he whispered.

"I've missed you too" she said quietly.

"Marvellous! My argument was convincing then?" asked Minerva McGonagall, walking into her Transfiguration classroom.

Sirius and James: Sirius: What the fuck did he just say?

James:

That 12yo Sirius is a bit anxious about the end of his first year at Hogwarts is an understatement, but he’s terrified for his friend. And he does not express his anxiety in particularly healthy ways.

"Boys! Boys! What's all this! Fighting like common Muggles?" the head of Slytherin House shouted. The muggle insult causing Sirius' adrenaline to rise again and he got one last punch in for good measure before being dragged off the older Slytherin boy he was fighting; half pulled by the head of Slytherin House and half pulled by James.

Back in his office, the head of Slytherin House was apoplectic. It was now the third time this past fortnight that Sirius had been caught fighting. He spoke angrily to Professor McGonagall, "Again! And always with someone from my house." Speaking to her more quietly, "I know they're a handful and you have my sympathy, but maybe these two need to be separated more". She thanked him and turned to the two boys waiting by the door. "Follow me" she said sternly. Standing strict and tall, her lips thinner then ever, she walked them briskly and silently back to her own office. Once they were all inside she slammed the door a little too loudly and ordered them to sit. Sirius sat staring flushed and defiant at the wall in front of him, a busted lip and a bruise already forming on his cheek. James was looking at Sirius. She almost detected a look of concern on his face.

"Will you explain the meaning of this? This behaviour is absolutely not tolerated at this school and this is not the first time this week you have been told this!" said Professor McGonagall, her voice ringing through her office authoratively. The silence from both boys antagonsing her further. "If I do not have some attempt at an explanation in the next thirty seconds, I will be considering an earlier end to your first year than either of you expected." That threat got a reaction from Sirius at least as he turned to look at her.

"One of the Slytherin boys has been baiting Sirius. It's just stupid stuff." said James finally.

"And fighting is how you deal with this, is it? You've both been told to ignore it." James looked down at his feet, Sirius' gaze returning to his spot on the wall.

"We are all getting tired at the end of a long year, but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with this lack of discipline from you both." Sirius slightly wincing at the word discipline.

"I would like to speak to you both separately. Sirius, please wait outside for me to call you in."

Sirius looked at James in alarm. James nodded reassuringly and Sirius silently turned and left, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"Mr Potter, what is going on with your friend?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"I, uh, dunno." said James breaking eye contact with Professor McGonagall. "He doesn't really say." he added with a slight shrug. "But you've tried asking I see." she said shrewdly. James nodded slightly. "Very well, please send him in and wait outside."

Sirius now entered the room, looking tense and sullen. "Mr Black, take a seat. I'm sure you are aware of how serious this situation is." The word 'serious' catching on her tongue and she mentally cursed parents that gave their children ridiculous names. "If this behaviour continues I will need to consider expulsion from this school." A shadow briefly fell across his face, the Professor now wondering if he was going to cry. It was quickly gone however and he turned to sullenly stare at her.

"They just say stupid stuff, about Me and James and... Remus."

"Mr Lupin? Yet I don't see him throwing punches."

Sirius was silent, Professor McGonagall waited to see what he would say next.

"Professor, it's holidays soon. You can't let Remus go home." Of all the things she thought Sirius might say, this was not one of them. "Those scars, they'll kill him." he added urgently.

Professor McGonagall looked carefully at the angry and tense boy in front of her. "Who will?" she asked. 

"His folks." Sirius whispered his reply.

"And does James share this opinion of the matter?" she asked Sirius. "Not exactly," said Sirius uncomfortably, "but he doesn't understand." he added quietly.

"But you do." she said eventually. Sirius now looking at the floor.

"Mr Black, I happen to know a bit more about Mr Lupin than you might expect and, yes, he can be quite unwell at times. His parents are understandably concerned about his welfare and we are in regular contact. But there are many things that can cause scarring. It is very interesting that you have jumped so decidedly to this particular conclusion."

Sirius did not raise his head. While he maintained a steady silence, she made her plans.

"I am not going to send you home early." she said to him eventually. "You will have detention with me every day for these last two weeks of school and I do not expect to see a repeat of this behaviour. Do I make myself clear?" she said more loudly.

Sirius nodded at the floor. She added more gently "And I urge you to not be too curious about Remus' scars. Let him deal with his private issues."

"You may leave, and take James with you. I expect you to go straight to the Gryffindor common room." she said. "And please, try to make it without punching someone." she added almost wearily as Sirius rose from the chair.

The boy left quickly without a backward glance and she sat back in her chair lost in thought. After some moments, she pulled a sheet of parchment towards her and picked up her quill.

It was two relatively peaceful days later that she saw the owl land near James in the Great Hall. He absentmindedly undid the roll of parchment and started reading.

"We have some holiday plans to make!" said James excitedly. Sirius looked at him puzzled, "I thought you were going abroad." he said.

"Change of plans, my friend. We're staying in and you're coming to my place for a whole month." said James happily. Sirius shook his head, "Mother would never agree to something like that." he said. "Already has." replied James handing over the letter to Sirius. "Mum can be quite persuasive." he added grinning.