Do i have depression? Am I sick? Am I crazy? Am I rotten?
This half of the year I cried twice. The first one was I was always sleeping late cuz I can't sleep during the 1st qtr of the year I don't remember why I cried or why am I sleeping like that. Then the second one was like 2 months ago(?) I cried while taking a shower, I just broke down.... that was like almost 3 in the morning and I have work. I remembered like why was my sleeping sched like that, why was I like that, what will happen if I died, what am I to this world, why do I live, I think I'm not part of everything. Right now, my tears are welling in my eyes as I'm writing this.
This past few days, I kept hitting myself whenever I got mad, this is the time when I can't use my computer cuz my brother also uses it, I did this also in the past when I was in college. I got mad because that's the only time I get to do my hobby, mind you he graduated and idk if he really attends his review center bullshit. I try to do my work life balance bruh. I CAN'T. I want to try living by myself but my finance can't get into that reality.
I want to fake my death and live in another country or just work in another country live as the person I am.
I feel like I'm not myself anymore. I don't know how to hang around with my cousins like I used to. I feel most happy at work even though it's draining. I feel at peace when by myself. I want to take a vacation for a whole year free from financial difficulties.
And at work I said I feel most happy at work but right now one of my team's got a bit depressed cuz she got touched not the extreme type just an "accidental" but not type. I don't even know how to handle that even though I'm her supervisor when I can't even handle myself. Currently, I can't sleep again. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK MY LIFE. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Fuck. fuck. fuck.
To whomever read this please accept my virtual hug.














