do you feel love?

true happiness is something fionn's not sure he's felt much of; whatever mess is inside his head still leaves him with a hint of sadness around the edges, a lot of the time, however well it's hidden beneath an easy smile and good humour. but here, now, he is happy. so fucking happy. if it were possible to live inside a moment forever, fionn would pick this one, without a doubt. because he never thought he'd have this.

people don't want him, not like this.

he hums at the fingers in his hair, tilting his head up so he can give scott his full attention. honestly, he thinks he might forget to breathe; every single one of these words is going to be remembered, ready to be brought out when he most needs them. fionn isn't sure he's ever been so touched, so...in love with another person. ❝ not too much, never too much, ❞ he says softly, choked up with emotion. ❝ i—fuck. ❞ he ducks his head, hiding his face against scott's chest for a moment while he gets himself back under control.

he wants to tell scott that not even his own parents wanted him around. that him wanting more has always been labelled as too needy, that he's the guy who's good for sex, not for loving. that he thinks about being with him constantly. with a few shaky breaths fionn looks up again, his smile a little wet but ever so genuine. ❝ i miss you more when we're both in the city but apart than i do when you're on the road. and i hate it, the loneliness, it seems so...so unnecessary, when you're right there. but i feel like i belong here. with you. i really do, scotty. ❞

even scott himself has confirmed it to be true. fionn exhales softly, feeling like his heart's going at a hundred miles an hour. ❝ breakfast sounds good. and coffee, god. just—i need you to hold me for at least another thirty seconds, first. i don't think i've ever been this happy and my body hasn't quite caught up. ❞

scott presses a kiss to his cheek and moves to hug him, at least as well as he can in the position they're in. it's a big awkward, and he feels like he's choking his boyfriend, but he's sure the sentiment is plenty clear. his chest feels like it's going to burst. “ yeah, yeah. we can take as much time as we need to. ” he says, tangling one of his hands in the mess of curls on fionn's head.

this was not a position scott hunter ever imagined he'd find himself in. he'd resigned himself to being alone. to maybe, after he'd been retired for a few years, then maybe he'd consider telling a few close friends about who he was. fionn changed everything. instead of a life of loneliness and pain, there was a bright light at the end of the tunnel. there was him. there was the two of them, hand in hand. the thought of it was enough to make him tear up.

fionn laughs, and god, he doesn't remember the last time he felt this happy, like laughter is the only way to express it. skating is fun, yeah, but it's scott. it's feeling like that time he spent hiding how hard he was finding keeping the secret of them was worth it, even if it had hurt at the time. he's just wanted to be able to be with someone, without feeling like he's being shoved back in the closet. this date might be just the two of them, but not because it has to be anymore. how scott became fionn's favourite person to spend time with so quickly, he doesn't know, but he hardly minds it.

❝ it's good performance to call you hot? ❞ he teases, his free hand lifting to scott's cheek. ❝ oh baby, i can be so good. ❞ this is what he wanted, from this date, from this relationship. it's not always going to be easy, because nothing ever is — and god knows fionn has been taught not to expect that — but he can no longer imagine his life without scott in it. which is a fucking terrifying thought; fionn never thought he'd find the thing that made the loneliness go away.

or that said thing would abandon him in the middle of the ice; fionn pouts playfully, though it's impossible to hide his amusement. he's having too good a time for that. ❝ bastard, ❞ he mutters, but this time he thinks he can get over to scott, managing to go a little faster than the snail's pace he's been skating at. there's even a stop that only just drifts a little long; fionn's not mastered turning yet, so scott's going to have to come to him, fionn reaching for his hand just because he wants to hold it. ❝ i'll take my prize now, thank you. preferably in the form of kisses. ❞

it should probably hurt, falling to the ice at his height, especially when his boyfriend is so big and tall too, but all he can do is laugh. and not just any laugh, a true belly laugh. “ fuck. i swear i'm a pro at this, really. ” his stomach starts to hurt from laughing, and he eventually looks fionn over to make sure he's okay before he moves to stand. “ well, at least we got the first fall out of the way, huh? ” he holds his hands out to fionn and helps to pull him up, then moves one of his hands to brush some of the ice off his jacket.

the morning filters in slowly; sunlight coming in through the blinds, birdsong outside, fingers soft on his cheek. fionn stretches as he blinks awake, lips curving into a lazy smile. ❝ mornin', handsome, ❞ he rumbles, voice sleep-rough, and oh, he could get used to this. he could get used to waking up to this beautiful man, in this beautiful flat, to morning kisses and time spent together. this is the part he never gets to have; the morning after is a rushed thing of goodbyes, when it's all meant to be just sex, not slow and soft and perfect. and he wants, so badly it hurts—i wish i could wake up next to you every morning.

maybe it wouldn't quite be every morning, with their jobs, but it could be more than this, couldn't it? any time fionn's back at his shitty apartment across town, he misses scott. he feels lonely again.

❝ wait, really? ❞ fionn props himself up on an elbow to look at scott, suddenly fully awake; there is barely restrained hope on his face, threatening to break free of its bounds and blossom into something bright and carefree. he's not the guy people ask to stick around. he's not the one who gets forever. except...scott's already invited him here, even when he's on the road, he's already made it perfectly clear that he wants fionn around. for whatever unimaginable reason, scott likes him. maybe they're not telling people, but that much is clear.

suddenly, fionn's eyes shine, and he's nodding before he's even had a chance to think about it. ❝ yeah. yes. fuck. if you want— ❞ he kisses scott, slow and deep and not giving a single fuck about morning breath; words, in this moment, do not suffice. but he's going to say them, anyway. ❝ yes, i would love to move in with you. ❞ he laughs, bright and unrestrained, as he settles back down, pillowing his head on scott's chest and wrapping his arm across him. ❝ christ, baby, talk about a way to wake a guy up. ❞

“ thank god, babe, 'cause this place feels a little too big for just one person. ” when he got it, he supposes he mentally anticipated sharing it with someone. even if he didn't think he'd ever have someone to share it with. thank god for fionn tremayne, and his smile, and his laugh, and his everything. “ tell me if i'm being too much, okay? ” scott runs his hand through his boyfriend's hair, making sure they're looking at each other before he starts. “ that first time we came back here, it felt like... i don't know. like it was home for the first time. like this place was complete for the first time. watching you leave in the mornings has felt like torture. i literally count down the minutes until we can both be back here. ” he runs his knuckles over fionn's cheek, and he starts to grin. “ and now... i don't know. the thought of coming back here and seeing you makes me really, really excited. ” he leans down and kisses fionn again — god, he loves him. that's what that feeling was. love.