Ashes of the Pain

The taste on her tongue was equal parts sweet and sour. He came back. He kissed her, just like she wanted yet she felt something revolting instead of thrilling. He was sweet but she knew he wouldn't stay that way for long. He only wanted her for the rush right now. She was supposed to be a quick, easy high. Well, she wasn't going to get him high anymore. She would be the Narcan from now on instead of his own brand of dope. She hoped he suffered. She was going to make sure these withdrawals were Hell on Earth.

Are they able to see past the smiles the sunshine into the fog and the rain that's just beyond the clouds?

I said it and I meant it, and I was right. Still, I wish I could take it back, because there's no way I can make it up her, no way I can ever make her feel like we can ever be together after this. We really do feed off each other's anger and trauma. It's not healthy. But seeing the hurt in her eyes, the tears falling down her cheeks. God, I loved those eyes. I still do. They were one of my favorite things about her.

"I'm sorry. I've hurt you enough already. We feed off each other's negativity and that's not good. We need to see other people. I'm holding you back in life. I can't get my life started if I'm constantly worried about you. We need to go our own way."

I do mean it, every single word. Honestly, if we're not getting back together, I shouldn't worry or even try to make it up to her. She will eventually be a distant memory in due time. So why do I feel like I need to? It's her eyes. It's always been her eyes. Eyes are the gateway to the soul and hers are no exception.

She believed in me in a way no one else ever has and no one else ever will, and I betrayed her. The worst part is she doesn't know. She still thinks I love her. Don't get me wrong, a small part of me does love her in the sense that we were lovers and she's the mother of my child. But honestly, I'm not a good person. She trusted me and I betrayed her. It was easy to do. Just throw a few "I love you's" or "I can't imagine being with anyone else's" out and eventually it'll be believed. Eventually though, I got tired of the same woman, the same child, the same life every single day. I know that she would blame herself if I went any other route than the one I chose. Hell, knowing her, she may end up blaming herself anyways. I know she's going to hurt, be devastated even, but I'm bored. I'm tired of the mundane life I've been living. But hey, it's my life to live. I can't let anyone hold me back from excitement. I told you I'm not a good person. She loved me and believed in me in ways no one else has and probably never will. I betrayed her by not loving her, or our child, enough to stay.

The stars in your eyes died, collapsed in on themselves.

All that was left was the void, my dear, you were empty.

That emptiness is now filling, for I no longer see the stars, but Novas, so bright, full of life.

Your eyes, my love, hold the galaxy inside, radiating beauty, pure energy.

Strike of the Match, Beauty born of Pain, the taste of your lips, Haunting, yet delicious.

Ashes in the Air, the Inferno extinguished, Sugar in the Sky, little Darling fallen.

I am.... damaged goods, broken glass, splinters of the finest China, irreparable.

I live.... behind the blurs, in a cloud, with nightmares for company.

Muted colors, Searing flames, Vomit, tears, blood.

Kept all behind my eyes.

Please......

to lose a person, the person, it turns into a gaping hole, appearing impossible to fill. a vicious cycle of, depression and desolation, never ending, constant churning.

don't fret, for the cycle must, eventually, seize to continue.

the emptiness shall, in time fill, with new blooms, of love and cherish, nectar with tastes of honey, much sweeter, than the ashes left, of the inferno.