Updates
i dont care if anyone reads this I just need to type this out rn
My life is so much different than last time I updated yall omg. I have a new friend group which I love so so so so much and they make me feel accepted; it feels so nice to get a text from a group chat when I have not gotten one in forever. We actually call and hangout and I just feel so grateful for them. I also will have classes with them next year so i am so happy about that like so so so happy.
I have been getting into The 1975 more lately, as well as Phoebe Bridgers. I started listening to more of Harry Styles today also; my music change is def changing a lot now but I dont mind. But i have been listening to less of Lorde lately so I need to get back to that otherwise I might go crazy.
I am still 15, but I turn 16 soon. Getting my license sounds kind of scary but also ill be able to drive whenever I want so im happy. I will also be able to drive my new friends around so that is fun.
I have had 4 solos in band this year, and each time I wanted to throw up but honestly I am so glad I did them because now I dont get nervous for presentations anymore lol. I also bought a guitar, and I think I have been making good improvements since I got in in February. I am about half sure that this guy in my band likes me and he is so nice and sweet but I do not like him back and I kinda feel bad. Every time he texts me I feel like throwing up so I know that a relationship would not be good for me tho.
On that note I can feel myself developing a crush on one of my new friends and it is driving me crazy. Last time this happened was in middle school and when we eventually stopped being friends over time, it hurt me so much and idk why. I still think about them and feel a pit in my stomach because I was so stupid as a middle schooler and regret being so cringe omg. Whenever someone mentions my new crushes name I have to act normal but I feel like my feelings are starting to show, even tho I am usually good at hiding them. fuck i know this is going to hurt me so much but I cant stop myself anymore honestly. Also, my old crush (which I am pretty sure I only liked because he liked me) started snapping me again for the first time in a few months, but honestly I dont care. Like I see the notification and I just feel kind of weird. Last year I did go a little insane over it but we do not have to mention that.....
Also I realized that I actually do want to be a teacher. I want to teach history to high schoolers and hopefully enjoy it. I know that I am not going to be making a lot of money but I think it will be worth it to have a job that I enjoy rather than a job that I hate.
Lastlyyyy, I do not want this school year to end. I have made so many friends and this has actually been the best school year of my life. I might cry on the last day of school. Okay I just visualized what it is going to look like on the last day of school and I am definitely going to cry omfg. Like i know that I am coming back to school next year but I my life changes every single school year, and I do not want it to change. I think that I might actually love my life, and I actually mean it this time. I still have a week so I will try my best to enjoy while I still can. Okay I just thought about the last day of school and I am actually crying as I type this right now so maybe I need to prepare myself because I do not want to bawl in front of all of the boys in my band class oh hell naw. fuck it we ball
Okay guys ive had enough of pouring my feelings out to nobody so im gonna go to bed goodnight
















