chocolate milk enthusiast

you know people make fun of ned for claiming that 3 year old rickon is too old to be scared of direwolves, but I bet he was even worse with baby jon. I mean at least the other kids had catelyn to balance his parenting out, but jon only ever had ned for emotional support. like imagine newborn jon crying because he’s hungry or tired or something, and ned just picks him up, looks him straight in the eye, and imparts one of his classic Starkisms™ to him like 😐 “you’re too old for this now, jon. no more tears. we’re not in dorne anymore. you are a child of the north, and in the winter your tears will freeze on your cheeks and explode in your eyeballs and kill you violently. end this mummer’s farce while you still can.” and then eight-week-old jon immediately shuts the fuck up and never cries again (ned gives him a little forehead kiss as a reward). anyway this is why jon is Like That.

ned’s time in king’s landing is actually so funny because you have everyone like littlefinger, varys, cersei, etc. telling him how bad he is at scheming and keeping secrets and playing the game. meanwhile this man has had a secret targ baby hidden up north for 14 years and noneee of them have a clue. he doesn’t even have to try that hard either because no one gaf about bastards, so ned just shoves jon in the back of the hall when the royal family visits and lets him hang out right under their noses. then jon quietly gets tucked away on the wall with absolutely no suspicion from anybody because for once ned didn’t put his trust in anyone but himself. what’s even funnier is that ned gets to king’s landing and immediately starts drawing attention to every single scandal that relates to his own secret…investigating robert’s secret bastards, publicly condemning him for his plan to assassinate a targaryen child, accusing cersei of lying to everyone about her bastards…like why are you bringing up shady bastards when you have a shady bastard of your own to protect. except he actually gets away with it! because he’s taking advantage of westeros’s rigid class hierarchy and their complete disregard for/dismissal of bastards and outsmarts them all and then he just dies. the worst part is that ned can’t even appreciate how funny he is because he’s so repressed that he can only think about jon in any meaningful way via violent ptsd flashbacks. tragic but still an unintentionally better player than any of his killers.

easy to forget but book jon snow is great actually. he gets so drunk he cries in his first chapter. he's 16 years old and laser focused on loan negotiation. he keeps getting promoted against his will. he's the chosen fantasy protagonist with the worst genre awareness ever. he implements pro immigration social reforms. he has a giant albino pet wolf. he cuts a guy's head off. he thinks he invented cunnilingus. he's been dead for 15 years.

"we have to accept the fact that the r word is coming back" NO WE DONTTTT NO WE DONT

yknow. i really appreciate ryan gosling's commitment to keeping the canon Grace reaction of just fucking crying the entire time. it's in character, and it's like, an extremely realistic reaction to the situation at hand. But. from most actor's ive heard (both irl friends and interviews from professionals) have bemoaned crying scenes in film, because it can be very draining and give you a splitting headache to do multiple takes etc etc. So they could have dialed it back and saved the tears for the more poignant moments. but no. they clearly went fuck it, we're committing. Grace is a Crier. here. have him crying in happiness, sadness, despair, terror, relief, disbelief, overwhelming joy. Have some heaving sobs. have some single tears. oohhh this man is gonna Cry about it.

god I love lists. spreadsheets. elaborate systems. you know.