weep, little lion man

url graphic → @castiel-stardust

“You’re not a real hunter until you’ve died and come back again.” daffodils = renewal, memory, forgiveness, rebirth

Sam doesn’t know what to say to that. He has no clue why Dean is acting like this, honestly. This isn’t how he ever expected things to go.

“I think I should leave,” Cas continues. He stares down at his hands, fingers fidgeting with the handle of his mug. “I don’t think he’s comfortable with me here anymore.”

“Cas, hey…” Sam tries, but Cas shakes his head.

“I think it would be best for me, too. To think he returned my affections, to finally be with him after all these years…to have those few days with him and have it snatched away…I can’t explain how much it hurts. And it hurts more every time I see him, and he can’t even look at me now, and I -”

Sam squeezes Cas’ shoulder gently. “It’s okay, I get it,” he says. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. But I think you should at least talk to Dean before you go.”

The look Cas gives him in return is so pained and hopeless Sam wants to break something. He wants to go shake his brother until he fixes this mess, really.

“At least tell him goodbye,” Sam says quietly, and this time Cas nods. He pushes away from the table, coffee almost untouched and growing cold, and Sam realizes he means he’s leaving now, today, and his chest suddenly aches. Dean and Cas have always been closer, sure, but Sam still considers Cas his best friend, and things just don’t feel right anymore when he’s not around.

But if this is what Cas really needs, he can’t stop him. 

Sam’s washing the breakfast dishes, deep in thought, when he hears Dean yell. He winces and dries his hands quickly, jogging through the bunker, heading towards Dean’s voice. He stops just outside Cas’ door.

He hesitates, flattens himself against the wall to listen, ready to intervene if he’s needed.

“You can’t just leave,” he hears Dean say brokenly.

“It’s for the best,” Cas replies almost coldly.

“You always think it’s for the best,” Dean snaps. “And that’s always turned out great.”

“I can’t - I can’t stay here and do this. I can’t watch you avoid me anymore. I can’t help that the siren took your shape, I can’t stop being in love with you, and I - I don’t want to. I’m only sorry it makes you uncomfortable.”

There’s a long, tense silence, and Sam prepares to have to step in.

“Let me have my suitcase now, please.”

“You think that’s why I’m upset?” Dean says softly.

“Of course it is,” Cas huffs. “You can’t even look me in the eye now. What else could it even -”

“He stole everything,” Dean yells suddenly. “Our - our first kiss, he got that, not me. The first night you slept next to me, he got that.” Dean sighs shakily. “He got to hear you…hear you say you loved me for the first time.”

“But it wasn’t really you,” Cas says, sounding bewildered.

“But you thought it was,” Dean says, voice muffled like he’s got his hand over his face. “I know it’s stupid but…for you, it was our first kiss, and I wasn’t there.”

“Oh, Dean,” Sam hears Cas say, and there’s the sudden sound of movement, and when Sam peers around the doorframe for a brief moment he sees Cas has pulled Dean into his arms.

They’re quiet for a long time, and Sam’s about to leave when Cas speaks again.

“If it helps,” he says, “it was terrible.”

Dean snorts in surprised laughter. “Yeah?”

“I had no idea what I was doing,” Cas sighs. “It was overwhelming, and he wouldn’t slow down. I’d always imagined you’d be more…patient with me.”

“You imagine that kind of thing a lot, huh?” Dean says, and Sam can practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“Yes,” Cas says flatly. “Anyway, after that it’s mostly a blur. It’s like a dream I can barely remember. And Dean, there are so many other firsts left. They’re yours, if…if you want them.”

“Yeah,” Dean says quietly. “Like taking you on our first real date? Or maybe…”

Sam can’t hear the next part, but he hears Cas gasp.

“Y-yes,” Cas says. “The siren did not…do that with me.”

Dean chuckles. “Good. Now, uh…how about a real first kiss?”

Sam doesn’t hear Cas respond. When he peeks his head around the corner again they’re wrapped around each other, kissing soft and slow. Cas makes a little moan of pleasure, and Sam decides that’s his cue to get the hell out of here.