ANNA-CHRONISM

I'm so done getting through and putting up with other people's crap only to get disregarded and get my feelings invalidated. I'm tired and sick to the bones of rubbing an alpha pride constantly whenever it gets hit, and/or comforting a butt-hurt ego at its lowest when thy can barely do anything for me at mine.

So If you wanna go, might as well just go. No more holding on, no more stopping, no more forcing. I'm done. ✋🏼

At this point, all I want to find is a person who tries and makes constant efforts to stay; who believes that I'm worth making time for as much as he believes I myself should think so, too; who reassures me and supports me as especially at times when I don't have the strength to do it myself;

*DISCLAIMER: This is but a long overdue post. Have fun reading this flashback story, though. :)

Unlike some overrated scene from a romantic movie, the day we first met wasn't really something that even both of us remember clearly. All I knew was you were just some guy whom I was meant to treat as a friend slash bro4life...and me, some other girl. Nothing new. Nothing special. We became closer as time went on, still, nothing special, just your average platonic friendship...with a dash of crazy on the side. While you had your fair share of girls going in and out of your life, I was in the longest on-off relationship just yet. We were but each other's confidant, ready to hear out and make each other feel good after a sesh of ranting and secretly bashing on other people...but not really mean-meaning what we say. You always have been a text away, I was one tweet away. We even had moments of falling out, ignoring each other because of pathetic reasons only to be disregarded because it felt bad not being able to cling unto each other, act crazy together and have fun. We'd give out the most random gifts to each other on christmas day, spend friendly dates over coffee, buy each other food and stuff which reminded us of one another, hang-out til dawn at my patio, share thoughts over liquor and give out friendly massages in between and after training. You'd come over to my place or at work, just to give out food, or simply drop by to ask me how my day was going. We'd talk for hours and hours, under the night sky, about the most random stuff...from our respective relationship quirks, to our beliefs, favorite childhood memories, deepest thoughts and everything in between. And that kind of friendship went on for the longest time... Approximately 3 years, yeah? But one fateful day... It got crazy. I mustered the courage to ask what was going on...because it didn't feel quite right anymore. You told me you were starting to catch feelings. You weren't exactly sure what it was and I didn't quite know how to react either. All we knew is that we were caught up, and it might cost us our friendship. It could possibly even be the greatest risk, knowing that if it fails...then we lose each other, and everything won't be the same anymore. 

Hi. It’s been some time since I last made you a letter, but let me just start this off by saying how overwhelmed I am, still, of where we are now, of what we are…of who we are now to each other. Never in my craziest imagination have I thought that this was possible…friends turning into the best of lovers? I mean, that wasn’t really my thing but who would’ve known, right? I didn’t plan on falling for you…neither did you, I know.

Its been months since we made that giant leap, and with that span of time is the happiest I have been. I told you, I never really knew how it felt to really be loved, until you came along and showed me… And everyday, you haven’t missed out on choosing love, choosing me…even when you already have me. You’ve been the sweetest, most thoughtful, chivalrous and genuine person I’ve ever laid my eyes on… And the more that I got to spend time with you, the more that I wanted to know everything about you. We’d literally spend every single day together since day 1, to the point that you’d squeeze in the time to see me no matter how busy our day gets. We never really fight and we always have compromised because you were better off to lose the argument than let me feel bad. You make me feel like the princess I think I am, and treat me as one too, to the best of your abilities, which really amuses me. You give me lectures when I need to, and you spoil me with affection as much as you want to give it to me…and you still tell me you’re the lucky one? I think not. 😜

Then again, as time goes by, our quirks tend to surface…jealousy, insecurities, doubts and all our other excess baggage show up, but they never really had that much power over us. And i’m nowhere near to allowing the opposite to happen.

I know that I’m not exactly the “girlfriend-material”, and I’m far beyond perfect… But lemme say this:

I told you that I’m not really good at making decisions, and most of the time I’m unsure, but I’m friggin sure about you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel that. I will be the best partner you’ll ever have, love. I’ll make sure you sleep soundly at night, and wake up with a grin on your face. I’ll give you a wake-up call if you need to, so I’d know that I’m the first to greet you a good morning. I will know how you want your coffee made, what makes you cringe and what your pet-peeves are.

I will know what makes you feel bad, so as to make sure I never do that (or if ever I did, to never do it again). I’ll know how you had your heart previously broken, so I’d know how to mend it and make you feel that you don’t have to pick up the pieces all by yourself anymore. I’ll motivate you to do better at work and in life, because I know you can do it and that’s how much I believe in you. I’ll see to it that you smile as often as you can, because your smile makes my heart melt, and simply because you look better smiling.

My arms will always be ready to give you the warmest hugs especially during the days when you are down in the dumps. I’ll always lend my ears when you need someone to hear you out, and listen to you, no matter how crazy and weird you get without having to think that you are being judged. I’ll laugh at your jokes no matter how corny you get, because you’ll always be the funniest for me. I’ll have my eyes set just for you, because I see through you, more than the quirks you think that makes you. I’ll keep you company, even on the days you want to be alone, because I know that’s when you need me the most.

I will be your number 1 cheerleader, because I am and have always been your biggest fan. I’ll let you tell me things you’ve never told anyone else, because I want you to trust me and make you feel that your secrets are safe with me. I’ll give you your space, so you’d never have to look for yourself and feel lost along our journey together. I’ll stay by you, because that’s where I feel at home the most. I would want to build my future with you, because I could think of a better partner to have than you. I’ll be your travel buddy because I’d like to be at the best of both worlds, the earth and you as mine. I’ll will make you feel like you are on top of the world, because that’s where you’re suppose to feel you’re at. I will make sure you feel that you’re the man that my heart contracts for, because that’s the truth. You have me, all of me…heart, body, mind and soul. I will be the best you will ever have, because you make me want to and you deserve to. ;)