An Invincible Determination

The typical INFJ dilemma.

Dear New Girl at the Gym, You stand across from me in boot camp or on the treadmill next to me or a few bikes over in spin. I have never seen you before, but here you are. I can tell by the look on your face you are embarrassed. Embarrassed that you can’t do a pushup or don’t know how to adjust your bike or that you walk on the treadmill when the girl on the other side of you runs for a full hour at the speed of a cheetah. You look around and wonder what on earth you are doing here. You glance at me and I smile, but you look away pretending you didn’t see, because that would mean I noticed you. Maybe you are discouraged. Maybe you tell yourself this was a huge mistake and you’re going to ask for your money back. Maybe you wonder if I’m judging you. I am not. I want you to know how proud I am of you. You see, even though it might not seem like it, none of us are judging you. Why? Because so many of us were just like you. We know what it is like. We know how hard it is, especially in the beginning. Really we do. Maybe you woke up one day weighing forty pounds more than you did five years ago. I have been there. Maybe you stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office, had the nurse cluck her tongue, and then had the doctor say something like, “Now let’s talk about your weight.” I have been there. Maybe you recently had a baby, and you wonder if there will ever be a time when you don’t have to tuck your stomach into your pants. I have been there. Maybe you get half way through the warm up in a group fitness class and wonder if you are this out of breath now, is a full hour going to kill you? I have been there. Maybe money and time are tight and the idea of spending $30-$70 a month and an hour a day on yourself feels awfully selfish. I have been there. So many of us have. You see us running or biking or lifting weights, and may feel discouraged or that we are judging you. Please, please, PLEASE know that we are not, because so many of us have been in your same shoes. You see us for what we are now, but many of us started out just like you, on a journey to find our best selves. Please come back. I know it is hard, but it will get better, I promise. And then you will wake up one day and wonder when you became that person. You know that person who can jog a few miles or do a whole spin class or even do boot camp without being sore the next day. And you will be the one, standing across the room, smiling at the new girl hoping she knows how lovely and wonderful and brave she is. Hoping she knows she is worth all the work. Because you are. You are so worth it. You deserve to be your healthiest self. Now there might come a time and a place where someone will judge you, even someone at the gym. Maybe they make rude comments or give you that look. Maybe they have never known what it feels like to struggle with their weight. Maybe they have low self-esteem. Maybe they have never eaten an entire pan of brownies by themselves (I have) or an entire bag of Halloween candy before a single trick or treater came to their door (I have). Maybe they forgot what it was like to be the new girl. Please, don’t waste your time on them. You are on a journey to be your best self, and they don’t belong on your journey. Find people and a place where you can begin where you are. Come back. You are so worth it. By Erica Millard: http://ericamillard.com/?p=1566

Beautiful writing! Source: Introvertdear.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/infj-relationships/ "I've been in a handful of serious, committed relationships in my life, including being married for six years. I’m now divorced and dating again. These are things I wish I could have expressed in those relationships (although like most things, these only occurred to me in hindsight). 1. I love being with you, but I often feel the strongest about you when you’re not actually physically here. It’s in my own private time alone, when I’m reflecting on my thoughts and feelings, that I realize how much you mean to me. 2. My emotions are deep and intense, and it’s likely you’ll only glimpse the tip of the iceberg of how much I really care. The only way I can come close to showing you the depth of my love would be to create something – a metaphor or a piece of writing. To me, there is no higher expression than love giving birth to creation. 3. My extroverted feeling and introverted intuition functions make me an empath. I know just what you need, and of course, I want to alleviate pain and suffering in the ones I love. When I offer help, please don’t refuse! If you do refuse, don’t think that this will be the end of it – I’ll probably keep asking you over and over if I can help, because I can’t stop feeling what you feel. To help you would be to alleviate my own suffering. 4. I’m a perfectionist (probably my most difficult trait), and I become very disappointed in myself when I let you down. Of course, I know mentally that it’s impossible for anyone to be perfect, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try! 5. I’m a judger, which means I like plans. I can (and will) be spontaneous on occasion to please you, but know that this is hard for me, and to constantly react in the moment will drain me quickly. I almost always wake up with an agenda for the day already in my head, and if I have to change that agenda, I become frustrated and unsteady feeling. Once I’ve decided to do something, it’s hard for me to shift gears. 6. I’d rather have peace and harmony in my relationships, above all else. I become very bothered and off – even to the point of becoming physically ill – if there is tension and conflict in a close relationship. Of course, there will be problems we need to discuss, but we must discuss them gently. As much as I can see other people’s perspectives and try to be objective, I take things very personally. If I have hurt you, you don’t need to beat me over the head with it – just at the mention of the slight, I will feel very bad, and I will move heaven and earth to never do it again. 7. Sometimes I just need to be alone. Perhaps for just a few hours, perhaps for a whole day. It’s not that I don’t love you. In fact, the opposite is true – I want so much to please you, and I take in so much, that I need time away to stop the onslaught on my senses. My system becomes overwhelmed, and being alone is a necessary escape valve. Besides, I’ll be more fun and light-hearted to be around when I have recharged. 8. I may not always be able to say how I feel or what I want right away. You may experience this as the “INFJ freeze.” I don’t talk, and I have a deer-in-the-headlights look. Change the subject, look away, or just give me some time to process things. Especially if what I want is different from what you want, or it might cause a problem, I’ll feel conflicted about sharing it. I need time to gather my wits and think of the best way to say it without hurting you. 9. I love when you ask me what I’m thinking about. What I’m thinking about is more important to me than what I did today. Be warned, I’m thinking about a lot! 10. Know that even if our relationship ends, there will still be a part of me that will love you. Once I get past the hurt and ill-feelings, the positive memories we made will stay with me forever. Even if our relationship didn’t last, the ways that you transformed me will." “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~ C. G. Jung

Related to this cool quote from INFJ and famous psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung: "As a child, I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissable."