merentang tata surya

Total eclipse of August 18, 1868. Le soleil. 1875.

on biting the hand til it bleeds. on showing all your teeth. on raised hackles and the jagged-mouthedness of grief

But that could have been left at that. It could just have been that, feeling hurt and wallowing in self-pity all alone in Bayu's bed. He'd been through worse...

But Bayu had to bring up his parents. Even going as far as to imply his mom was not only irresponsible, but that she shouldn't have had a kid in the first place?!

He bristled, some deep seated anger surging up, feeling almost like static.

".... You know what? Fine. I'm fuckin' awake now, you win. Took the urge to sleep out of me." He snarled, as he got up. "But don't you fucking bring my mom into this! You fuckin' bastard."

He moved to stand in front of Bayu, blocking his path, his fists clenched tight, his eyes full of fire. "My mom did everything she could to give me a good life an' raise me right. She deserves the fuckin' world an' you've got NO FUCKIN' RIGHTS to JUDGE her an' drag her in the dirt like that."

Part of him wanted to leave it at that. To just leave, really. It might even have been the more elegant option.

But another part of him was thrashing inside, too upset to let go. It wasn't just about his mom. Part of him just wanted to rebel. To crash out.

Before he could stop himself, he shoved at Bayu, and for a second, he was stuck for words -- apologise! he wanted to ask, but what good would that do? Never speak her name again! he wanted to demand, but it wouldn't make anything better, now would it? -- before settling on a much more pitiful, "Y' don' even KNOW her. So- So, shut up..."

"Prove me I'm wrong then," Bayu shouted in return, "By keeping your real nature secret, what was she trying to do, keep my little precious boy safe?! Did you know how dangerous you can be, if you couldn't control what it is that you are? You're lucky that all that happened was a discharge. It could have been worse. You could have fucking blown up the whole megabuilding, and you'll think you're just lucky you were alive!"

He allowed himself to be shoved and pushed Serik to the side harder, angrily stomping towards the kitchen for a mug. His throat was so parched it was beginning to hurt as he continued to yell at the other.

"The sooner you accept that you have the capacity to blow the fuck up like a bomb, which is a miracle that you hadn't with your fucking luck," he slapped the buttons on his kitchen fabricator for whatever it could cook up, then another button to brew him some coffee. "The closer we are to understanding what we should be doing next. If it's going to happen again. If shit hits the fan. God," Bayu rolled his eyes, groaning, "what would we even tell the vamps if they knew?"

"Your mom is either the human part of your equation, equally clueless; or she's got a whole lot of explaining to do. If she's still kicking, I suggest you go ask her what else about you she's been hiding from you."

A red alarm beeped from the hulking machine in the living room, momentarily distracting him from the argument.

//// CATASTROPHIC BOARD DAMAGE

"Yeahhh, I did that, uh? Heh. Sorry, I pro'ly ruined your shirt..."

And yet, despite those words, Bayu's tail still rested on him, blanketing him... Maybe even, dare he think it, protective and caring.

Fuck... His heart ached, his eyes growing wet despite his best efforts.

He gave in to the urge, burying his hands in Bayu's fur again, and hiding there. Hiding from the world in all that mass of warm fur. Fuck, he wanted to cry so bad, but he held back. Bayu already thought he was useless. He didn't want to confirm it by crying in front of him.

But to think that Howard had cared enough to call... Ah shit... He didn't want to face that either. Didn't want to talk or think about it.

Which Bayu.. apparently understood? He had been so damn sure Bayu would try to push him, that his words actually threw him off, leaving him off balance for a second.

He pulled back just a little, just enough to look at him in confusion. "Wait) You're not... gonna berate me about that...?" He looked away after a moment. The fact that Bayu wasn't even going to push made his inside ache for a whole other reason. Guilt... Like Bayu was resigned. Like he'd given up on him.

Before he could really think, he found his mouth running, quiet mumbles falling from his lips.

"I... I guess I just-- I don' see how thinkin' about this is gonna make anythin' better... I'm- I'm human. I know I am. I don' know how all this keeps happenin', but- Shit, I know what I am... But you- fuck, you think I'm somethin' else. So uh... We're gonna have to agree to disagree, I guess," he grumbled, frowning.

"Oh I will, trust me. Keeping you around me has proven to become such an annoyance and a mistake," Bayu replied curtly. "I want you awake when I give you a shakedown of your fucking lifetime, so sleep since you wanted to sleep so much."

The reality was that Bayu hasn't really had much to say about Serik on the matter. The denial was still strong, and while he took everything else odd and uncanny around him pretty well, for some stupid reason it was difficult for Serik to get that he was different too.

"I have never been around someone so vexing in my entire fucking life," Bayu stood up abruptly, letting Serik fall onto the bed unceremoniously. He shook his body and scratched the back of his ear, shaking the bed underneath them from his weight.

"How long are you going to lie to yourself that way?" he growled, padding out of the bed towards the door. "Who are your parents? Why did they raise you without you knowing what you are? So irresponsible. Some people shouldn't have children, honestly." Bayu rose to his feet, now a human again, completely unclothed.

"The Greyhound That Followed too Far."

Lives of Game Animals, Volume 1 - Part 2. 1925. Written and illustrated by Ernest Thompson Seton.

And still the Bayu he knew.

He wanted to reach out, to drag his hands through the fur... To... well, he kinda wanted to touch and see his fangs too. Which seemed weird, even to himself. And the last time he did that with someone, some strange shit happened so...

But before he could really consider all those things, Bayu pointed out their schedule, and Serik looked away. Shame and exhaustion weighed down his gaze.

"N- No, I think I'm okay," he mumbled, despite wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep. Now that the crisis had passed, he didn't want to deal with the aftermath. So much had happened. He didn't want to think about any of it...

If he was allowed to disappear under the blankets for a few days, he honestly wouldn't hesitate.

But Bayu was right here. And he could almost feel his gaze on him, seeing right through him and piecing together what the hell the wolf-guy thought he was.

It made him feel sick. Though not enough to hurl like earlier. Thank fuck.

'Don't look at me like that,' he wanted to tell him. But he knew that was just his anxieties speaking and giving in would only make Bayu look at him even more like that.

He wrapped his arms around himself, curling up a little.

"Whatever happened--" he started, only to cut himself off. Telling Bayu he didn't want to talk about it would only bring attention to it.

Hell. Even just bringing up the subject would already bring attention to this. Shit. He had already walked himself into a goddamn corner.

Oh hell...

Bayu lifted his head and stared daggers at the man curling up against his side disapprovingly. Aside from the breakfast they had, neither of them had anything to eat nor drink for hours by now. He had half a mind to leave Serik on the bed on his own and find something to eat, but for whatever reason, unbeknownst to himself, he remained.

He growled briefly, licked his mouth and panted a few times, before resting his head on the bed once more.

"Good for nothing little prick," the wolf huffed. His tail slapped over the side of Serik's body several times to annoy him, then rested fully over the man, almost drowning him in his thick, deep fur. "First you projectile vomited on me, and now you're keeping me in bed. Useless."

Ah, well, it wasn't like Bayu hadn't slept in hungry before. Some days he just couldn't find it in him to put anything together when his days held very little reason to live for; and if he tries to sleep in too, he wouldn't notice it, save for the occasional grumble of his stomach.

This again. Did Bayu really, truly think he had caused it in the first place? Serik really couldn't believe it. He'd done nothing. He hadn't done a thing.

And now, Bayu though he had 'exploded' again... What was that even supposed to mean? Humans don't explode. And if they do, they don't do it again.

That was exactly the problem, wasn't it? It was starting to be a bit too many coincidences in a row... Even to him.

He suddenly inhaled, realising now that he had been holding his breath, too tense, and relaxed his death grip on Bayu as well. Fuck, what if Bayu was right? What if he was something else--

But no. They didn't need to think about it. Not just yet.

"Y-yeah, I guess I-- I must've- touched some live wires. That's gotta be it--" But if that was the case, and he was human, he should be dead--

"Ah-" He swallowed back a sob, taking in a shaky breath. "Y-yeah, no... Not gonna- I'm not gonna throw up again. Promise, heh-- I'm fine, I'm good--" He really sounded neither fine, nor good. Even he could hear it.

"I'm- I'm feelin' better on that front... I jus'-- I think I could use a nap... Even if- Even if it's fuckin' early..."

Serik couldn't quite comprehend why, but Bayu was so nice to him right now. So sweet and gentle... Maybe he took pity on him, but the rest of the walk home was a bit of a blur. Always with Bayu there. Helping him clean up. Helping him get changed. Helping him into bed again...

It felt like he passed out pretty much the moment his head rested on the pillow. And he was so exhausted, he really didn't think he dreamt of anything. Not beyond vague shaped and moving lights at least.

He wasn't sure how long he slept when he started to stir again, something tickling his nose. Something soft.

"Mmmh..." He shifted a bit, his hands moving to bury into soft, warm fur--

Wait.

Fur?

He forced his eyes open. "Uh...?" Only to see-- a whole mass of black fur. "Wha--" He stared, dumbfounded for a second, before it suddenly clicked.

Right. Bayu. Bayu wasn't human. Riiiiight.

It was a miracle at all that Serik managed to live as long as he did, Bayu thought, feeling Serik going limp on his back from all the nonsense that had been happening all day. Two bombs in a row, that'd really wipe an idiot like him out, and he didn't even know he was responsible for it all. It was frustrating to think that things like these could ever exist; that something so powerful could be so well hidden inside a seemingly normal human being, or alternatively, inside someone so blithely unaware that anything and everything was a better explanation than the simplest deduction, that Serik was the source of it all.

Didn't he mention before that he was lucky most of his life? Yeah, that tracks. Only luck would have allowed this to happen. Bayu could only hope that the luck extends to him, or he'd be well and truly fucked six ways to Sunday from the consequences of today's 'coincidences' alone.

By the time they arrived home, Serik was completely disassociated, it seemed. Good, at least it'd keep his mouth shut while Bayu cleaned both of them up from today's mess and tucked Serik into bed. An hour into his sleep, Bayu noticed that Serik's extremities were getting colder and colder, and without anything to warm him outside of setting the bed on fire (which was tempting given how frustrated he was with Serik), he turned and curled around Serik to warm him up.

⟡⟡⟡ ─────── HIS NOSE FLARED as he exhaled through his snout when Serik stirred awake. His yellow eyes opened, staring at Serik with another huff.

Bayu's touch was grounding, his words gentle. He could get used to this, seriously, even if he would never have expected it... But he wasn't about to protest... It was so easy to surrender himself to Bayu's gentle but firm care, and to let him deal with the rest. So easy...

He held onto him when he found himself on Bayu's back, glancing at the panel Bayu was using, only to groan in pain and give up, his face pressed into Bayu's back. Yeah... He had enough for one day, alright...

Bayu was so warm too... His scent so comforting... It wasn't like he was any use right now to him, so maybe he wouldn't mind if he took a little nap...

Bayu's voice in the newfound quiet jolted him back to the present, tearing him out of his lapse of consciousness with a full-body twitch, almost like he was already attuned to the man's voice.

"Uh?" He blinked a couple of times, noticed no danger and closed his eyes again, his hands holding on tighter once more. "Y-yeah, 'm here..." He wet his lips with his tongue. His throat hurt after the hurling... But the more time passed, the more things seemed to settle. Both the queasiness and the pain.

"I'm with you... 'n- No, no doctor..." That idea actually made him bristle a bit. "Am okay... 'm fine. I don' need no doctor..."

He fell quiet for a long moment. Bayu was still so warm. So nice. Too nice? Now that he could think a little better, he couldn't help the slight embarrassment he felt. Bayu was being so fucking sweet to him... Even offering to call a doctor for him...

Shit... He must have worried him.

"Right."

His steady footsteps echoed in the narrow, dim hallway along the catwalk. Bayu was careful around low pipes, ducking and moving away from them. "You blew it all up, so I'm glad you're sorry for the mess. But you did fix it after; I'd like to think you've settled the score. So there's no use thinking and talking about it."

"I can't say I'm not concerned about how it came to be, and how oblivious you are to your own nature. Made worse by how much you think it's an improbability or impossibility, which complicates a lot of things," he continued. "You blew up, again. I thought I'd killed you when I redirected power from the basement. Maybe nudged live wires while you tried to get the generator spinning. If anyone's careless enough to do that, it'd be you."

A deep sigh escaped him, and after rounding a corner, they arrived at a maintenance lift, which he summoned with a firm press on the call button.