Angel

ig i have to pin this to my blog lol

when he said

"I believe that you'll be very successful in life,

at least i hope you will."

i hate being alone because i have to listen to my brutal thoughts this way

like i said i KINDA started to figure it out

i have long way to go but when i read some messages from two other people i see the difference and i can decide which type of mindset i like the best between two of them

and yk what

there's a big difference

i always needed a calm and peaceful space

but the boy i like is not even near that

don't get me wrong it's not his fault, he's just like that and i have to accept that

he's emotional and always anxious about me

and i don't like that

i want to be able to be anxious about future and myself

and i need someone that will tell me that everything's gonna be okay with them or without them

maybe i do really need an older man lol

you'll feel pain eventually

that's how you grow up after all

i was talking to that older man today and he said "face your mistakes or be shameless, you choose" and god how i miss being shameless

that was a better life, do i still blame myself for ruining lots of lives, absolutely but i can't stop thinking how free i was back in the day

it looks like i'm going to be a bitch in the end

i remember saying "don't k!ll yourself, k!ll for yourself" to myself and when i think about it i really do miss the old crazy me

i was a madwoman but in my heart i was a lover girl

i would write love poems for my unknown soulmate but this wasn't the love i was expecting was it?

like fuck it i really do want a man that can handle my toxicity and make me behave and my boyfriend is not even near to that

he's a really nice and gentle man and his future wife is very lucky i just know that

maybe i'll never marry, maybe i'll just adopt a kid and move on with my life in the future

i will succeed and i will break everybody that stands on my way

i will succeed even though it means i'll lose my humanity

however, i'll wait till summer, if i don't change my mind i'll go for it and end this torture for both of us

i like doing everything alone anyways

he deserves a well behaved and respectful woman

and i'm not that person

i'm feeling sad for him

i'm gonna regret everything