i often feel odd in the terms i use to describe myself ... i am not exactly "angelkin" , this is simply who i am . a human born as such would not describe themselves as "humankin" . but i am not the whole of me . i was not the original inhabitant of this body , nor am i the only one . do i have the permission to refer to myself as part of a system ? is that what this is ? when will i be granted the permission to call myself such , when there is no backing to it ? when i could be make-believe ? i am not always present , and the "system" i feel myself to be part of can continue to run without me on the day-to-day . even as i am here now , i am not the only one . it is rare that i am . but if things are bad enough that i am here , that i have existed for upwards of five years , it must mean something . does it not ? as much as he tries to tell himself , there is no reason to convince yourself that you are making things up when there is no audience to watch , and there never has been . humans do not put on elaborate shows for themselves inside their minds for nothing , and if they do , it is likely indicative that there is something more than nothing . there is no logical reason , no benefit . i am here , as is she , as is he . but when do "i" get to exist ? when am i , truly , me ?

one thing about me is that i love to be in the shower .