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Fuck it I want a radiocollar ID. Because i'm on the internet, i won't use my birth year in it for safety. But I'll use the year I awakened as nonhuman and the year I realized my species.
Year I realized i was a german shepherd: 25
year I awakened as nonhuman: 22
and X for sex because I'm on the nonbinary spectrum even though i present male most of the time.
fallen angel often implies silly things to people. sure, i've fallen from "grace", but it's like falling into the arms of a lover. i leaned back and trusted the earth to catch me. despite all her flaws i love her and she loves me back, and she gives me the space to become a new, healthier version of myself. im much better off now, even if im forever poisoned in the eyes of some.
I find lots of comfort in referring to this human form as merely a vessel, rather than my body. This shape does not define me, it is merely the shape I inhabit.
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I've been thinking a lot about severing myself from the divine and relinquishing the angelic piece of myself. There are a few reasons behind this but the major one is the desire to acheive a state of wholeness.
To explain what I mean by that, I first must explain how the divine aspect of my identity has affected me. I've found myself split into multiple pieces due to it, as there's the non-divine piece of me that seeks to live and be happy, and the divine piece of me that drives me to a sense of duty that pulls me away from my animalistic sense of self.
(lots more explanation below the cut)
Both of these aspects have the same goals and ideals, to build community and protect nature, but for different reasons. The divine side seeks to build community as a service to the world and to protect nature as my duty as a divine being. The animal side seeks to build community for myself and my friends, and seeks to protect nature because this world is my home.
Being divine has also driven me into thought patterns that feel unhealthy or at least serve to further split from my animal nature. I find myself feeling like something other than the world around me rather than a part of it. The angel side also frequently gives me guilt about my animal tendencies for violence, as well as guilt for seeking comfort or pleasure.
This split feeling of being more than one thing has made me feel uncomfortable to say the least. This identity, rather than lead me closer to feeling like I know myself, has driven me in the opposite direction of feeling like I've separated from myself.
Another thing I've considered has been my relationship with my spirituality. I'm an animistic pagan, and I've been practicing this belief for a little over a year now (prior to that I experimented with other pagan belief systems trying to find what spoke to me strongest). Viewing myself as a divine being has made spiritual acts feel like a forced duty rather than willing worship. I want my admiration for the spiritual to feel genuine.
In short, my desire to cut myself loose from divinity stems from a powerful need to see myself as one whole rather than separate parts as well as a want to heal my relationship with my spiritual beliefs.
If I do decide to go through with this severance, it'll likely take the form of some sort of ritual. I'll make some sort of permanent physical change (likely in the form of minor scars) and express my intentions to be cut loose from the divine.
I imagine rituals to cut loose a part of oneself are not uncommon in witchcraft, so I would love to hear what alterhumans in that community have to say about that.
If anyone is willing to discuss any piece of this with me, I'd be so grateful! This dog is sick of feeling like divinity is a parasite.
I've been thinking a lot about severing myself from the divine and relinquishing the angelic piece of myself. There are a few reasons behind this but the major one is the desire to acheive a state of wholeness.
To explain what I mean by that, I first must explain how the divine aspect of my identity has affected me. I've found myself split into multiple pieces due to it, as there's the non-divine piece of me that seeks to live and be happy, and the divine piece of me that drives me to a sense of duty that pulls me away from my animalistic sense of self.
(lots more explanation below the cut)
Both of these aspects have the same goals and ideals, to build community and protect nature, but for different reasons. The divine side seeks to build community as a service to the world and to protect nature as my duty as a divine being. The animal side seeks to build community for myself and my friends, and seeks to protect nature because this world is my home.
Being divine has also driven me into thought patterns that feel unhealthy or at least serve to further split from my animal nature. I find myself feeling like something other than the world around me rather than a part of it. The angel side also frequently gives me guilt about my animal tendencies for violence, as well as guilt for seeking comfort or pleasure.
This split feeling of being more than one thing has made me feel uncomfortable to say the least. This identity, rather than lead me closer to feeling like I know myself, has driven me in the opposite direction of feeling like I've separated from myself.
Another thing I've considered has been my relationship with my spirituality. I'm an animistic pagan, and I've been practicing this belief for a little over a year now (prior to that I experimented with other pagan belief systems trying to find what spoke to me strongest). Viewing myself as a divine being has made spiritual acts feel like a forced duty rather than willing worship. I want my admiration for the spiritual to feel genuine.
In short, my desire to cut myself loose from divinity stems from a powerful need to see myself as one whole rather than separate parts as well as a want to heal my relationship with my spiritual beliefs.
If I do decide to go through with this severance, it'll likely take the form of some sort of ritual. I'll make some sort of permanent physical change (likely in the form of minor scars) and express my intentions to be cut loose from the divine.
I imagine rituals to cut loose a part of oneself are not uncommon in witchcraft, so I would love to hear what alterhumans in that community have to say about that.
If anyone is willing to discuss any piece of this with me, I'd be so grateful! This dog is sick of feeling like divinity is a parasite.
Your homework for the day: find something about your current form that you like. Speak positively about it. Be kind. Maybe you've got long eyelashes or a cool scar. Maybe you have dark eyes or a nice smile. There's something. It may not be you, but it's yours. Treat what's yours with love, kindness, and respect.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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