Philosophical Angel

Petition to start replying to them with this

;0

Not For Puppies

Human: Struggling with wrapping on ration pack.

Alien: Do you require assistance human Andy?

Andy: (With a mouth full of plastic) Na I’ve got it.

Riiiiippppp

See?

Alien: Loses her shit.

*****

Alien looking at a caramel apple: Soooo you eat this?

Human: Yes we love them!

Alien: But they’re so hard. How do you consume them?

Human: Well yeah sometimes people do break teeth on them.

Alien: I’m sorry you can break your mouth bones on them but you eat them anyway!!??!

Human (Already biting into it): Mhuh.

*****

Evil alien: We have you now human!

Human: OH HELL NO YOU UGLY LITTLE SHITS YOU AINT GOT ME YOU THINK HUMANS ARE EASY TO KILL YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING YOU…

Evil alien captain: Shut it up will you!

Evil alien: Yes sir OWWWW!

Evil alien captain: What just happened?!!? WHY IS THE HUMAN ESCAPING!!!?!!??

Evil alien: Humans have mouth bones.

alien, already disturbed by these peculiar soft endoshelled creatures: cool. cool. so uh just out of interest what do big, useful teeth look like?

-later-

Human: Struggling with wrapping on ration pack.

Alien: Do you require assistance human Andy?

Andy: (With a mouth full of plastic) Na I’ve got it.

Riiiiippppp

See?

Alien: Loses her shit.

*****

Alien looking at a caramel apple: Soooo you eat this?

Human: Yes we love them!

Alien: But they’re so hard. How do you consume them?

Human: Well yeah sometimes people do break teeth on them.

Alien: I’m sorry you can break your mouth bones on them but you eat them anyway!!??!

Human (Already biting into it): Mhuh.

*****

Evil alien: We have you now human!

Human: OH HELL NO YOU UGLY LITTLE SHITS YOU AINT GOT ME YOU THINK HUMANS ARE EASY TO KILL YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING YOU…

Evil alien captain: Shut it up will you!

Evil alien: Yes sir OWWWW!

Evil alien captain: What just happened?!!? WHY IS THE HUMAN ESCAPING!!!?!!??

Evil alien: Humans have mouth bones.

alien, already disturbed by these peculiar soft endoshelled creatures: cool. cool. so uh just out of interest what do big, useful teeth look like?

-later-

pros:

you’ll be the cute one

cons:

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

please consider NOT pouring your dog or cat’s kibble directly into a plastic container for storage. the oils and fats in the food oxidize quicker than you’d imagine, get into the plastic, and become rancid. this badness then creeps into new food you pour in! i won’t get into all the scientific terms right this sec, but it can cause cancer and other major issues

ideally, kibble will be kept sealed IN the bag you buy it in (chip clips are your friends). the bags are designed to keep all the good juices inside. you CAN put the bag in a metal or glass container if you wish. HOWEVER, any bag of dry food WILL oxidize and start to go bad in 2-3 weeks once opened! that’s right, stop buying jumbo bags for small dogs\only one dog. buy lots of smaller bags if you want but please don’t open them until you need that food. to all the people wondering why their dogs get tired of their food by the end of a bag or start to get sick, this is why. the entire chemical makeup of the food has changed.