ichor angel

I'm so tired of crying and screaming for help that never comes. i think we've finally broke past it and i can just. leave

every single time i post anything (other than when im asking for help, ofc.) i have to see all these ppl who dont talk to me anymore or who flat out ignore me, in my notes, and honestly just cant handle having to be forced to remember ppl and how theyre liking my shit despite all that as some weird bid. when i could instead just be talked to by any of anyone and have it take almost no time and id feel better easily just by not being alone. n this is why all everythings doing is just telling me i have to disappear and never love anyone or be thought of by anyone ever again. leave any chance for friends or betterment or hope for a better life or community behind. and i wish i could do more but im not given much choice <3

im so fucking tiredddd all the time no wonder im struggling w my words sm. having to put so much of my energy into crying n begging for anyone to talk to's fucking killing me : )

also literally why do people see my desperation begs as "guilting" or "lashing out" im not fucking MAD im not guilting im just SAD and crying out for help?? no one has to talk to me but im posting with the hopes someone might . even tho ik it doesnt work. im not posting to guilt im posting in my fucking diary bc i have no one to talk to 1-1. oh but no one will see this bc they see the 'lashing out' n not the polite begging. im just lonely

ok what about. potluck gangbang where everyone brings their own sex toy/implement to use on the sub

and if im not gonna kms (which i want to avoid if i can) i need to find a way to somewhere else in america by january but guess what!!! everyone avoids me at any cost so ill never find anyone and ill never get the fuck outta utah and ill dje alone yayyy