#but.. never

every single time i post anything (other than when im asking for help, ofc.) i have to see all these ppl who dont talk to me anymore or who flat out ignore me, in my notes, and honestly just cant handle having to be forced to remember ppl and how theyre liking my shit despite all that as some weird bid. when i could instead just be talked to by any of anyone and have it take almost no time and id feel better easily just by not being alone. n this is why all everythings doing is just telling me i have to disappear and never love anyone or be thought of by anyone ever again. leave any chance for friends or betterment or hope for a better life or community behind. and i wish i could do more but im not given much choice <3