babyV

A animated film noir based around murder and aliens AND it’s directed by Brad Bird who made incredibles!???

Your mother has tired eyes, is it because of you?

I think about this at times..and used to feel guilty as a kid because of it. Only other thing I can remember is her tired eyes, I would ask her "why do you look so tired all the time?" And she would say "I'm not tired" and then that would be that but I would feel so bad n felt obligated to alleviate any kind of stress she had on her mind which eventually sacrificed my childhood due to being parentified.

My mom as recent as yesterday said that shes "out of touch" on raising kids and I was like but you have 4? How are you out of touch? She says "that's exactly why I'm out of touch" that same day she said to me.."motherhood caused me to loose myself, I had to become a different person, i was unable to focus on myself " and this is personally why I'm afraid of pregnancy, aside from the pain and major changes/responsibility i don't wanna be a shell of myself because it's so easy to go into that dark pit but most women do it anyways because they care.

And a part of me does feel bad she couldn't get to experience life the way she wanted, I feel like if she had less kids/didnt deal with my father for so long she would have felt more happier?

My mom has complained about being a mom for as long as I can remember, the times she contemplated on leaving, pressuring us to grow up so that she can have her old life back. But in the same breathe says motherhood made her a better person (it probably did) how she loves us (which I never denied btw) and been there and providing basic needs but still making mistakes that unfortunately gave me the trauma I have today.

Its confusing honestly because I wish my parents were just one way all the time, they're bad and then they're good then they say hurtful things and then we spend time together like nothing happened? It makes me feel so ungrateful because why am i still mad about this when things are good again? I dont care for the whole "it's their first life" card because guess what? Its mines too! Its everyonesssss! It doesnt excuse anything.

Yes I'll always feel bad for the little girl she used to be but not the adult. Everyone is valid! All children are valid!

treated myself to ice cream to feel less sad abt my existence

mocha brownie chunk mudslide from dq- 100/10!!!