dawn

as someone whos been suicidal since they were 14 and only gets breaks from hell but is never truly free, im fascinated by people with stable mental health who just enjoy life. i have no idea what thats like. i dont understand what genuine happiness is. thats my only goal in life is to feel that. i feel so empty. ive never not been empty. staying the same way ive always been and never having the chance to grow as a person bc the opportunity is stripped from me over and over, is so taxing on my soul and i think i just need one solid friend irl, which i havent had since community college. its a miracle for me whenever i have a friend at all, and its a miracle when im regularly sleeping at night. i want to have reason to not complain about everything but everything is so shit.