To Steal A Book Is An Elegant Offense

"You humans are barely taller than dwarves.."

"And you elves are as tall and lanky as birches."

It's not a particularly plot driven adventure. My wife wanted to be surprised when I proposed, but she also wanted to know what day I would propose so she could wear a cute outfit and get her hair done and all those things. My solution to that was to buy the ring, and then also buy a dozen more ringboxes.

Then we just did a sort of mishmash of all our first dates. We went to the Desert Botanical Gardens, and I proposed three times, which she was flabbergasted by, and then we got lunch, and I proposed twice, which she was less flabbergasted by, and then we went to the Japanese Friendship Gardens, where I continued proposing to both her great amusement and mild annoyance. Then we went to the Phoenix Art Museum, and she'd peeked in my backpack enough that she knew I still had about five more boxes left, which meant that her guard was down. Rookie mistake - she was expecting me to only propose on the last one. Gave me one last chance to surprise her. So I beelined straight for the firefly room

and when we were walking there I told her about how that room had surprised me the first time because it looks like a Mormon Temple's sealing room. Mirrors in front of mirrors, designed to make you look like you're standing in front of eternity. A strangely loaded cultural symbol, even to a merely former Mormon. How it was jarring it was to just be laughing and looking at art on a third date, just having a silly time, then turning a corner and more or less immediately standing in a sort of scifi version of my culture's wedding altar. That the first time I'd actually considered what spending the rest of my life with her had happened almost involuntarily that day. That I'd been surprised, even then, by how unscary it had seemed. Even as mostly strangers, I knew she was special.

Then we went inside the exhibit I opened my backpack, and I let her see all the other boxes before handing her the real one, and she opened it to humor me and was instead met with the real ring.

Practical-minded, she responded: Don't forget the coupon we got in the mail, there's a discount on rings. Ever helpful, she sent him a photo of the coupon code.

He left her on read. When he came home, he was cagey and grumbling, and when she was like "Did you remember to use the coupon" he was like, "I don't know what you're talking about, why would I be buying jewelry, etc.," not meeting her eye.

Few weeks later he took her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, spent the entire night grumbling under his breath and shaking his head in disbelief, before going "아이씨" and pulling the ring box out of his pocket and slamming it down on the table. "How the hell did you know," he said, begrudgingly impressed.

She was like, "It's really not hard" and then was like "Did you use the coupon" and he was like "Yes I used the coupon"