youāre right, iām bitter
Unfair. It always is. The way I kept my sleepless nights and lifeless soul for you? Oh well, I guess you donāt know yet, or perhaps youāll never know though. At this point, itās just a luck competition. My fate versus someone elseās fate. I know youāre not blind enough to be able to see what I gave you. My time, my effort, my energy, my strength and weakness- Even the result itself. And now? Itās going down to me getting another rejection, the thing I achieved from you multiple times, and another appreciative applause given to somebody we knew didnāt fight that hard yeay! You might not know the worst thing lmao. The fact that I set aside my ego to celebrate the moment for the prize winner and seemed like Iād rather be gone- dead, because they donāt even cherish my existence and canāt be thankful for that. Oh well. Thatās interesting. The fact that you can just give everything to someone and theyāll thank another person instead- and now youāre just paid dust. Definitely laughing and cryingĀ ābout it right now. Just funny. Everything, everything I did, in this life, whatever I fought for just for YOU- JUST FOR YOU- HOW DARE YOU. HOW CAN YOU EVEN. HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE ME AT THIS MOMENT? IS IT TRUE THAT ALL THIS TIME IāVE ALWAYS JUST BEEN A WORTHLESS FIGURE, TRYING TO RAISE YOU UP, BEING A PART OF YOUR SUCCESS, DESERVING TO SWALLOW MY BLEEDING TEARS EACH TIME?! If only you knew, every time Iām reminded, thereās always a door and a room for me to go back to punishing myself again. Guess what? Because I couldnāt make it up for you, I couldnāt love you enough, couldnāt be special enough for you, and YES THERE AINāT NO SINGLE ACKNOWLEDGMENT FROM YOU THAT COULD JUST TELL ME IāVE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH. However, duh, I guess my torn skin and breaking bones are just not worth you- Iām not cutting just for you. Iām not tearing my skull only for you- only to REGRET YOU. ONLY TO SHOW YOU HOW HURT IT IS. HOW PAINFUL YOU ALWAYS MADE ME. The fact that I love you more makes me scarred more- I wish I didnāt do that much. You donāt deserve it. Neither do I.Ā















