andienoire

todays mood is making out. I want a tongue in my mouth right fucking now

Technically, Nipples are straws.

For a pessimist, you can never hit rock bottom.

Customers are made to feel bad about not tipping but the owners of the business get away with not paying their staff at all

3 AM feels more like the middle of the night than midnight itself

You can tell a lot about a person by how they hand you a knife

Make an app where you unlock the map depending where you’ve travelled to, like in videogames.

There are parking spots earning more than minimum wage.

Face-sitting walks the fine line between ass-fixation and asphyxiation

Too many people in the world think they can pet any animal like it’s a dog

Considering that not everyone thinks in sentences, being able to read minds wouldn’t be as straightforward as you think.

By opting to be an organ donor you guarantee you’ll never accidentally be buried alive.

People in Star Wars are always trying to get someone else’s shields down, and people in Star Trek are always trying to get their own shields back up

if you dont smile or feel at least slightly turned on after kissing your significant other then youre probably with the wrong person