SNAKE-MILK

as put in canon, the qun is a huge, huge concept which is much more than a religion— it’s a way of life, a society structure, an school of thought— and no individual qunari has a complete understanding of it, save the priests ( and even they, often, do not fully comprehend all of it, or claim to. ) it takes a lifetime of dedication to even come close— most on par vollen grow up only being taught what they need to know, as relates to their role. 

saarebas didn’t manifest magic until she was well-established in life; she was 19 when the dreams started, but it would take five more years for any real proof to show. before any of that happened she was trained as a priestess and tamassran, for she always showed a natural aptitude in the philosophies of koslun that her superiors took to be indications of her intellect. back then she was informally known as eba, a rough translation of the verb to be— they are, she is— as a reflection of her dedication to that philosophy. needless to say, saarebas grew up passionate about the qun, and was in every sense of the word a true qunari. 

and as a qunari she followed the way of things, but as a scholar, as a tamassran - as a carer - she fundamentally disagreed with treatment of saarebas, and always had. these thoughts became more and more prominent over the years as she grew into her position as a teacher and academic; she became a little ambitious and grew in confidence as the years went by, changing small parts of the doctrine here and there, trying to lessen hatred and fear of magic in the children she taught. she wrote papers and books analysing koslun’s teachings, dissecting each canto of the qun, trying to change how the masses interpreted how saarebas ought to be treated. and while some among the priesthood did listen ( whether they agreed or not ) , generally no one with any power was convinced. however, her passion and clear understanding of the qun earned her the title of ashkaari: enlightened. 

in a hot summer shortly after she turned 24, saarebas (then eba) involuntarily set a grazing qalaba, or cow, alight; in fear and panic the animal ran around its enclosure and into the dry grass, which in turn caught fire. shortly after, the entire surrounding farm had been engulfed in flame. horrified, eba turned herself in, and was promptly remade into saarebas, any and all semblance of who she was before obliterated. though not all with magic among the qun have their mouths stitched, saarebas’s was, for she had once been a teacher with a well-heard voice, and of course all now knew those once-compelling words were now simply lies from the mouth of evil. 

but while saarebas was now chained, leashed and silenced, she was still a follower. she still believed in the principles and philosophy she had been born to; it’s just that everyone around her didn’t know it properly. her arvaarad, in particular, did not treat her as the qun dictated he should’ve. she was a priestess, ashkaari, all that— ignorant lowlifes who knew no more of the qun than their job description (and even less than that) were holding her down, and for that she grew angry, yes. more than angry, she was furious. but she didn’t blame or hate the qun; only the misguided way it had been taught. 

simply put, saarebas believes herself to have a better and stronger understanding of the qun than, well, anyone, even though qunari officiates from the mainland all regard her as tal-vashoth. by the time she has escaped and reclaimed it all, she’s deep enough in revelry of her power and identity that it could be argued she doesn’t understand the qun at all. to the main body of the qunari society she’s a degenerate tal-vashoth gone feral. 

saarebas loves the qun. she cares about the qun. as a philosophy she’s dedicated her life to it, but as a strict militarised system, she wants to burn it to the ground. 

she knows that the society itself on par vollen needs the enforced aspect in order for it to work as seamlessly as it did, to embody the philosophy so completely, but on a scaled-down level the systems allowed for too much abuse because every role was based on trust, and individuals were individuals, and no matter how collective a community can become there will always be a faulty cog who will let the others down. saarebas couldn’t have told of arvaarad’s crimes to the re-educators, because she had no mouth to tell them with, and if some in a collective culture don’t have a voice then it has failed as a collective culture.

saarebas had to flee south, where she doesn’t have much more of a voice than she did on par vollen, trade being unfamiliar to her. she came south with a mission of spreading awareness, but southerners hate the qun even more than saarebas does, and not in a nuanced way. they didn’t care if she was tal-vashoth or qunari or a combination of the two with no feelings on southern culture whatsoever and no intention to do harm to them— she was a savage ox shouting at them in a strange language, and nothing else. powerful as she is she can’t save the qun on her own, and she can’t find help for her cause. she’s a refugee, and a one-woman army, and a missionary. the qun is everything to her, good or bad. without it she’d cease to exist.