Anderson Grecht

Long time no posting 😅.

Been busy about life. It's a good thing actually. Now that I deactivating Instagram for a while I thought I would spend more time to write and read books.

So in this post I want to share about the topics I've worked lately, this post is about my friend.

What is toxic relationship?

Here's the thing, if we were building a relationship with our partner, the ideal thing is to make us grow over time. The non ideal circumstance is to at least you happy and comfortable with your partner.

My boss once said, to be growing, we must change things, and changes is never easy, because you leave your comfortable zone.

It's true, when we choose our life partner, we choose the one who makes us comfortable while continuously growing with them. You face all kinds of problems everyday, you and your partner are working as a team. It's you both against the world. You must find the one who makes you feel like home after fighting battle all day long.

You'll know something is toxic only when you analyzing things you have been through with your partner. Until you can summarize that it is a healthy relationship or it's just toxic. There are many symptoms for this, for example if you constantly feel you are not growing yourself, if you feel like it's all about your partner and not you, she/he doesn't encourage you, or even your partner is not giving any contribution on your relationship, you can safely declare that your relationship is toxic.

However, love is a delusion in its core. You don't even consider that it is anyone's fault that tour relationship is toxic. So this is one of the suggestion that I said frequently to my friend whose recently embarking on a new relationship. Do a review regularly with your partner, just consider it is your anniversary 😉. It might seem funny, but it is actually working. You both must understand each others requirement before going any further.

I dare say that ego plays a big part on any relationship. So if both of your ego can not be lowered, then you yourself must be lowered instead to keep this relationship lasts. Kindly note that lowering ego doesn't mean that you have to lower your self worth. Your self value is one thing that you should determine by yourself. Don't let anyone ever make you feel you are worthless.

What if you can't reach any decision on this? You know you can't keep arguing with your partner forever. You are looking for life companion that feels like home, not the one that make you run from home. So once either one of you had enough of this, you'll be left or you'll be leaving your partner. Yes, I'm saying there's a limit on this.

My advise is, don't break up over small matter, and don't make small matter any bigger than it should be.

So happy that my friend actually got out of her toxic relationship!

There are many things that love could take form, or metaphors if you'd say it. Fire, rains, sea, you (we often heard the phrase 'love is you', right?). So i think the forms of love itself is very diverse, depending on ones situation. Let me narrow it down. The most common type of love that perceived by human is the love to a certain person. You know that there're love which God have and given to us, some are loving their belonging, and the other (also the most common type of love) is driven by human desire. In this post i would write about the interpersonal love.

As for me, love is like a fire, you'll get burned if you stand too close. And by nature of it, the fire will be ceased eventually. Where does that leave us? Burned, and broken or become beautiful work of art. But on many cases it's broken. You could name things that becoming more beautiful by combustion, like glass, or steel, but mostly if you burn some thing down, you are about to be broken. Love too little you are too cold, love too much and you'll get burned. The right amount of love is necessary to keep the balance of the temperature. And as i mention before, we should always be ready should the fire running out.

My co-workers gave me that insight. One shouldn't love too much. When you love someone, you should be ready to lose her/him too. So if they really leaving, you aren't bound to be falling to despair and sadness. You won't crumble as much. Let's analog that to a wall, a really beautiful wall. Say that wall is yourself, and the stone row is not completed. The hole in that wall can only be filled by someone you love. That's actually in my opinion, what does love do. It connects the part of wall that i don't have with someone who has it. But how many of these hole do your wall have right now? Is it five? Ten? Or maybe almost one-third? Yeah that could only be measured by yourself. So the point is, should that part leaves, are you going to crumble? Are you going to deteriorate? Not changing as much? So i think, we must always develop ourself and not to be dependent by others.

At this point i might seem so sceptic about love. We can't live in this world alone, but doesn't necessarily to live with our soulmate. That phrase, in my opinion, is applicable to social structure, like farmers, police, chef, everyone that basically we need to sustain our life.