Ink and Armor

With a soft sigh, she pulled her robe around her as she sat by where the lingering fire remained for warmth, she stared up at the sky. Settling back onto a hand, she simply gazed into the dark nothingness that lingered and hung like a glorious tapestry. Sometimes she wished the sky would simply devour her. Swallow her up and make her disappear, so she wouldn't have to face herself and the sometimes foolish ways she responded to things.

It hadn't always been like that, of course. Once upon a time she didn't really care what people thought of her. Once upon a time she had been unapologetic, very selfish, and placed no one above herself. It wasn't to say that she didn't still do similar things. On the contrary, Laeynna remained as self-preserving as she ever had been, often under the impression that those around her would be more likely to hurt her than they would to be a supportive role in her life. She had no one to blame for that except herself, of course. She had once been an awful person who deserved that. No shortage of enemies. No shortage of people she had used and disposed of when they were no longer practical to her. No shortage of others she had promptly stepped on just to rise another tier of whatever made up ladder she was trying to ascend.

Had she thought Andaeros might do the same? In the beginning, yes. She had also assumed that his affections were fleeting. Convenient. That she was a momentary plaything for him. She had thought it for so long, in fact, that she had braced herself for that impact. Just assumed it was an inevitability. She hadn't really believed she was good for anything long-term and she had told him that as long as he had want for her, as long as he had need for her, that he would find her at his side. But she'd always assumed that one day he would wake up and decide that was it for him. That he had found the end of the pathway they were travelling together and it was time for them to go in different directions.

She’d thought it would happen in Silverpine originally. Then she thought it would happen shortly after moving in with him. She thought it would happen when he came back after his extended job that kept them divided. And she thought it would happen around the time that she cut her hair and let it return to that moonlight blonde colour it was naturally.

Yet he remained. Yet he still wanted her. But was it her he wanted or some concoction of her that he had drafted in his mind? How did he know that the ‘her’ he wanted was the real one? Wasn't it possible that… it wasn't? And what if she just sabotaged herself again? Every time she got close to something like Andaeros, like happiness, like comfort, Laeynna had managed to proverbially set the entire thing on fire. In fact, she had tried multiple times to sabotage her relationship with him intentionally. Perhaps out of a misplaced idea of doing what she thought was in his best interests, though she couldn't have possibly made that determination and it was insulting of her to even try. A lot of it was out of fear. More fear than any kind of self-perceived altruism.

Born a coward. She'd die a coward.

Andaeros called her strong. He'd said it so many times before. That for all she'd been through, for how she survived it, for acknowledging what she'd had to do to be where she was today, that she was resilient. She never felt strong or resilient. He wasn't necessarily wrong. She just… She could only see herself the way she did. She doubted she'd ever see herself kindly. She definitely would never see herself the way he did.

Pulling her thumb over the beautiful ring he'd bestowed upon her at the lake's edge, Laeynna's gaze dropped down to her hand where it graced her third finger. And now he wanted to marry her. They'd talked about it. When she thought he was either dead or simply having chosen not to return, they'd had to. Laeynna couldn't keep herself together the way she thought she could have. If something happened to him, she needed to know how to move forward and she wasn't even certain that she could. For all that she had tried to keep herself at a distance, for all that she had tried to remain somewhat emotionally detached, that hadn't been possible. She supposed that wasn't how hearts worked, though. There was no controlling something like that. In the same way that surely, Andaeros couldn't have controlled falling in love with her either or the undeniable pull he'd had to her when initially they'd met, despite the repercussions that came from just such a connection.

Talking about marriage, about a future, was entirely different than having it set in front of her. At the time, it had been a… A turbulent conversation. But the feelings they had were just as turbulent. Not for any lack of affection between them, but ideas like marriage and family were weighted and prominent. Terrifying for them both. Andaeros had loved once, a deep, intense, very devotional love. He had poured all of himself into it, and the results had devastated him. They'd practically hollowed him out, leaving him to be a shell of a man. Opening his heart to Laeynna had been no simple feat for him.

He had feared living with her. He had feared any kind of a future with her. She'd understood that. It was so much a part of the reason that she had assumed they would never find themselves where they were now. She never wanted to push him or to feel pressured. She'd never wanted him to think she was giving him an ultimatum. On the contrary, she had decided that when he had enough of her, she would quietly vanish from his life, perhaps like she had never been there at all.

And that would have been it for her. Love had been a… a frightfully unkind thing for her. Distressing and unpleasant in many ways. The kind of experience where she had felt more intensely than she could have endured. For a woman who didn't much like feeling anything except a lot of anger, love, compassion, devotion, those were clumsy things that contained an intensity she didn't know how to wield with grace or eloquence. Where she had found herself wondering if all of that turmoil, all of those nights in wine bottles had been worth it, she had still put herself through it. For him.

Maybe that was why he'd wanted to marry her to begin with. Maybe to him that was the amount of devotion he needed. Maybe seeing her shoulder all of that had encouraged him to understanding that Laeynna was a woman of her word. That she wasn't exactly fickle or short-lived and fleeting with her affections. A romance with Laeynna was never going to be a simple one or a singular night. But perhaps neither of them had realised it at the time. Certainly, that had become apparent as days and nights dwindled onward.

She could have theorised until she turned every colour in the rainbow and would have been no closer to the truth. Admiring her ring, the amethyst stone so perfectly set. The twisting of vines. The dark colour of the ring itself. It was a beautiful, sombre thing. He'd picked the perfect ring for her. No. More than that. The amethyst was the stone she had said she'd liked the most. It was the stone she'd given to him. And here it was, completing the cycle and returning to her. In the craftsmanship of this ring, Andaeros had thought of little else other than her. How terrifyingly lovely.

Did she deserve it? That certainly was a question. No. She didn’t think so. After all of the back and forth? After how difficult it had been, at times, for Andaeros to get her to communicate with him? Even now, instead of talking with him about her feelings and her concerns, she was sitting out in the dark, chilly night, mulling over them. He’d repeatedly tried to remind her that the burdens in life were meant to be shared. That joy and sorrow alike should have been shouldered together. That she didn’t need to be so caught up in what he felt he ‘needed’ to do rather than what he ‘wanted’ to do.

He didn’t need her, after all. He wanted her. She wondered, for a moment at least, did she require being needed? What was the difference between those two ideas, really? A need was a… compulsory thing. A want was more important, perhaps, for it incorporated the true sentiment. A need could be unhealthy. Certainly a want in excess could be as well, but it came down to where each feeling originated from.

Laeynna sighed and that breath, as so many others had before it, disappeared into the world around her, swallowed up by black darkness.

She’d always worry. About everything. If she was good enough. Worthy. Deserving. If she was who he really wanted. If she was who really was meant to be in this spot here and now. She’d wanted so badly to change the way she approached life. The way she approached her own perception of self. She’d tried, certainly. Tried not to care how others might have thought of her. Tried not to create some self-perceived reality. Tried to be more outgoing and conversational. She was always trying. And she was often trying so hard that it was exhausting and taxing. 

If she didn’t think it was obvious, she was wrong. People always knew when others were trying, especially when they were trying too intensely.

At the same time, was it a crime to want to be liked? Was it a crime to want a place to belong? Was it a crime to want friends, joy, happiness, safety, and security? If everyone else in the world could have those things, why didn’t she feel like she deserved the same thing? And certainly there were worse men and women than her, those who had committed terrible atrocities, and likely they still had their own circle of support.

Were her flaws so terrible that she felt like she was doomed to a life of solitude?

No. Of course not. Laeynna Emberflame or Zinnvais Luridveil, no matter what name one used to refer to her, was no more or less flawed than anyone else. It was a difficult thing for her to see, but somewhere in her head, she knew that she deserved more. That she had every right to chase after more, to claim more, to speak up and say she wanted more. Knowing it and acknowledging it were really the first steps, weren’t they?

So she deserved happiness with Andaeros. Would she bring him happiness? By his reckoning, she already did. He wouldn’t have asked for her hand if he didn’t want her damn hand in marriage. She didn’t know how to be a wife, however. Definitely didn’t know how to be married.

In her younger years, plenty of girls she’d known had their betrothals, all a bunch of complicated relationships where there was no love. Instead, they performed their duties as was expected of them and hosted myriad affairs on the side. Laeynna didn’t want that. Not for either of them. The only real marriage she had seen in practise was between her parents. Reknon and Seilahs were betrothed as well and sometimes it seemed like one loved the other. She’d heard it said from time to time in younger years when she and Ankalei were growing up together. Just saying it, however, didn’t necessarily make it true. Laeynna couldn’t remember a single time seeing either of them actually be in love with one another.

Although she supposed there was a difference between just loving someone and being in love with someone, only further complicated by the notion that there were so many different types of love. 

But if she didn’t know how a proper, healthy, constructive marriage was supposed to go, how could she be involved with one? How could she properly love Andaeros as his wife if she didn’t know how a wife was supposed to properly love a husband? Maybe she was just supposed to keep doing what she was doing. What if it wasn’t enough, though?

What she did know was that the more she spun around in this proverbial circle, fearing the unknown, and assuming she didn’t have the emotional fortitude, the only person she was really going to hurt was Andaeros. Hurting herself? Sure. She’d done it for years. She could do that again. But hurting Andaeros? That was unacceptable.

She couldn’t really know without trying. Laeynna had often been more of the mind to simply vanish when things got hard. Or ‘too hard’ according to her. It was what made her own attempts to stick things out so impressive, because to do so was uncharacteristic of her. This felt like another situation where she couldn’t give up so easily. Andaeros certainly deserved better. They had already gone through so much together. Being together hadn’t been easy for either of them and they had both paid consequences for choosing that pathway. If she backed out, it would have been like saying that nothing they’d done with one another had been worth anything.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Andaeros made her a better person. Rather, being around him, being with him, gave her the strength and courage to consciously make that decision. Things had been hard, but they had also been rewarding. She loved him. There was no doubting that. Fear, in and of itself, was not a terrible thing. Not the worst thing. It kept one alive, but if it was fed too much, as it had oft been in Laeynna’s case, then it would only prevent one from living. She didn’t want to live a life where she wasn’t really existing. She wanted to live and she wanted to do so at his side in any capacity.

As she eyed the sky, she wasn’t really sure she had stumbled onto any great realisations or found any answers to the questions she had. If anything, it only felt more weighted and heavy, that sinking of reality that she would, one day, because Laeynna Dawnflare. If he was interested in that, of course. She didn’t have to take his name. But as she mouthed it wordlessly to herself, she liked how it felt. She could imagine how it sounded. A bit lyrical, really, and more accurate in representation of her person.

She was neither an ember nor a flame.

She wasn’t dawn either, or a flare.

But to be married would be the dawning of a new journey. A new chapter to add to so many chapters that were in existence and yet unwritten.

There would be more difficulties in the future. She knew that, too. This wasn’t going to be the first time she sat in silence and thought about everything. Questioned everything. Worried about everything. Laeynna would always worry and fret and concern. Maybe that didn’t have to stop. Maybe she just needed to understand how to coexist with it. She couldn’t be fixed and she didn’t need to be. She simply needed to work on how to best thrive in the face of that adversity, to be as flowers when at a disadvantage.

And to come back from withering.

As she eyed the tent where Andaeros was sleeping, she eventually found herself sitting in its entrance, just watching the outline of him. She wondered what he dreamt of. Hoped that he dreamt of her. Of them. Of the future where so many things were uncertain, but where the certainty was that she loved him. And that he loved her. That perhaps, it was a very good beginning for a marriage.

She also wondered how much she could recognise. The adventure so far had been... informative. Enjoyable. She'd brought along the book she'd inherited from her father and had already spent years putting diagrams, sketches, and no shortage of botanical research and observations into. Despite having it, however, she hadn't much used it. This was supposed to be holiday, after all, and Laeynna didn't take holiday very well. It would have been easier to work, but the problem with so much work was that she got so focused on it sometimes she forgot to look at the rest of the world.

Maybe that was hard to do when she loved plants and flowers and greenery of all kinds. Was there anything more beautiful than the very presence of life itself in front of the eyes? Except all the world was living and beautiful. What a very unfair comparison that might have been.

The time spent was nice. They'd seen the beaches of Stranglethorn, museums, the coliseum, and even stayed in the bay for a little. On the ship down to Pandaria, they learnt about engineering and the schematics of the ship itself, that Laeynna still very much had a fear of heights, and that some of the others were not the most appreciative of loud noises aboard. In Pandaria, they'd gone fishing, though hadn't caught a single thing as the fish were simply too clever, visited the breweries, saw the silk worms, appreciated the oversized vegetables and fruits, had sushi and no shortage of other neat culinary delights. In some ways, the downtime was maybe a little more relaxing than she wanted it to be, and she didn't relax well either.

Something was different, though. She didn't know what it was. Something felt different. He looked at her differently, she thought, spoke to her a little differently. Maybe something more gentle? Andaeros had always been gentle, though. That wasn't it. She didn't know what to make of it. She just knew that it wasn't the same. Part of her wondered if it was because the distance between them during his extended absence, resigning herself to the notion that he might not return, and becoming somewhat emotionally detached might not have fully left her.

Things were better now, of course. She was better now. He'd certainly deserved that instead of the relatively cold and self-preserving welcome she'd given him. Although it had never been personal. In her head, there was no way to immediately jump right back into things the way they once were, especially not with her hang ups and history with that kind of closeness with someone. Coupling that in with realisations that work and effort expended over time felt like it had amounted to nothing had been a crushing blow.

It had been so bad, in fact, that she'd gone to stay with her parents for a few days, and that had been when she gave a farewell to her hair. She hadn't known how to proceed forward. She hadn't known how to just accept things for what they were, especially when she felt like she deserved better. Laeynna knew she wasn't entitled to anything when it involved other people. She wasn't arrogant enough to believe that, but at the very least, a little communication would have gone a long way.

That, she'd believed, was the bare minimum.

So when they'd return to Quel'Thalas, what was she going to do? Just keep doing things as she felt she was expected to? Feel guilty when she didn't do those things and be isolated for not doing them? Were those really her only options? And if they were, did she even want to put herself right back into that situation?

Laeynna sighed, not knowing the answer to any of that, and wondering if she simply expected the worst because it had largely been the worst before she'd left. Almost. Right before, there had felt like a small, tiny little piece of promise.

She suspected, in the end, it wasn't going to immediately matter. They still had a trip to Northrend to make before even returning home. No amount of worrying until then would mean anything, would hold any sort of weight. With the entire world in front of her, it was a wiser idea just to live in it, with unanswered questions and uncertainties alike.

Laeynna could do that.

Physical Appearance –––

Hair: White / Platinum Blonde - Currently at her chin. Facial Hair: N/A Eyes: Peridot Green, Flecks of Gold Height: 5'2" Build: Small, Petite Distinguishing Marks: Subtle fel veins spiderweb in a nonsensical fashion up over her collarbone and towards her neck. These are not particularly noticeable in daylight, but are more apparent in darker environments. Scars: A section of subtle scars exist over her right hip, though they have largely been covered by the tattoo that exists there. Tattoos: A monochromatic widow spider stretches over her right hip, legs extending upward and downward from that position. Piercings: Multiple. All of these are in the ears, following the line up. Common Accessories: She frequently carries a simple leather-bound tome that contains botanical research, theories, diagrams, observations, and sketches. She also carries the following: a poignard of deep cobalt blue, a seemingly nondescript compass, and a simple cut of . She is always wearing a delicate silver bracelet about her right wrist. Attached to it is a heart charm. Likeness: Natalie Dormer

Personal Information –––

Profession: Laeynna is a botanist by trade, having researched plants all across Azeroth for years. Hobbies: Singing, playing the harp, reading history and other academic pursuits, drinking wine, studying the Light and its properties for practical use. Languages: Orcish, Thalassian, Common (very little) Currently Living: Quel'Thalas - An apartment within Silvermoon Birthplace: Quel'Thalas - A home estate southwest of the city. Religion: N/A Fears: Not being good enough for others, not being liked by others, settling down in one place for too long, commitment in general, making promises, breaking said promises, being a disappointment.

Personality/Description:

Laeynna is small and demure, presenting a relatively unsuspecting nature about her person. She appears frail, quite pale with moonlight hair, and dim peridot green eyes touched by the occasional flicker of gold. It is subtle and perhaps only noticeable in the proper lighting, but at her collar there are inconspicuous lines of glowing fel that spider up along her skin towards her neck.

It is evident in the way that she carries herself that she comes from a time in which social caste systems within Quel'Thalas were more of import. She often wears fanciful dresses and takes pride in her appearance, making her likely seem at least somewhat palatable to the objective eye.

Laeynna likes jewellery and wears a good deal of it. Earrings, bracelets, necklaces, rings, and others of the like adorn her, though not oft in a gaudy fashion.

Her expression often appears preoccupied and thoughtful. Others have objectively described her as difficult to read. Although usually quite composed, she is most expressive when she is angered by something. Like many of her people, she has, over time, become masterfully good at wearing masks and disguising the truth of her feelings and thoughts.

Laeynna struggles to be upfront or direct and frequently is more the type to talk herself in circles. She seems to experience a fair amount of social anxiety, stuck in an age where she can be obsessive over what others think of her.

She is quite good at being amicable, civilised, and incredibly respectful of others when necessity dictates it, even towards people who she feels may not deserve that. In spite of this she's not much of a socialite for fun or casual happenstance. On the contrary, when not under requirement for social niceties, Laeynna can come across as shy, quiet, and very introverted, making it a challenge to know who she truly is beyond her numerous walls of self-preservation.

Beneath the layers of external attempts to be welcoming (served with a fair amount of nervousness), she actually feels things intensely. Laeynna is often quietly at war with herself between logic and harbouring a softer heart. She holds many secrets, especially about herself and her past, and the truth of things she's done may ultimately make her a person full of living contradictions.

Relationships –––

Mother: Seilahs Luridveil (Alive) Father: Reknon Luridveil (Alive) Siblings: Ankalei Luridveil (Twin Sister - Reanimated Corpse - Darkfallen) Children: N/A Other Family: A collective of still-living cousins, none of which she's particularly close with. Pets: Rags (ginger cat), Embryss (tarantula), Pecky-Lynn (chicken), Nugget (chicken)

Sex & Romance –––

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual / Pan-Romantic Preferred Role: Dominant | Submissive | Switch | Unknown Preferred Position: Bottom | Top | Vers | Unknown Turn ons: Glasses, intelligence, academia, manual labour, shows of strength Turn offs: Being more arrogant than her, controlling and selfish demeanour, being unkind, cruelty, passive aggressive behaviour Love Language: Quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation Relationship Tendencies: Laeynna tends to self-sabotage or turn tail and flee when a relationship gets too serious.

Traits –––

Bold your character’s answer

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted Disorganized / In Between / Organized Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded Calm / In Between / Anxious Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable Cautious / In Between / Reckless Patient / In Between / Impatient Outspoken / In Between / Reserved Leader/ In Between / Follower Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic Traditional / In Between / Modern Hard-working / In Between / Lazy Cultured / In Between / Uncultured Loyal / In Between / Disloyal Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional Information –––

Smoking Habit: Never Drugs: Never Alcohol: Liberally

RP Hooks –––

This information is specifically more for members of the Blood Knight Order if they choose to use it. (For anyone else, this is purely flavour text.) Once known under the name Zinnvais Luridveil, she was apprehended for graverobbing and experimenting on her fellow people.

Laeynna's twin sister, Ankalei Luridveil, once served in both the royal guard and the Blood Knight Order, is currently a member of the Horde expedition and provides security for the Succulent Tart performing group. Laeynna and Ankalei are identical twins and share similar appearances and voices. It would not be difficult to mistake one for the other or vice versa.

Laeynna has worked alongside the Royal Apothecary Society for years, having spent a decent amount of her time living in Tirisfal before relocating across the water to Kalimdor for a time. She provides them with regular materials and aids in observation and various field tests of the alchemical variety.

She's a fairly accomplished harpist and songstress. In their younger years, Laeynna and Ankalei used to perform publicly together.

Laeynna is the daughter of Reknon Luridveil, a man with a history of observations on fel experimentation behind him. His numerous pieces of writing are available for public perusal. Laeynna has opted to continue his writings where she is able to.

She has, within the last year, begun to study the workings of the Light, with the interest of putting her magical affinity and prowess towards constructive uses. It's not uncommon to find her studying or nosily going through Silvermoon's public archives.

Once a member of the Tirisfal Theatre Troupe, Laeynna graced its stages many times, though perhaps objectively was best known for her portrayal as Sylvanas Windrunner in the satirical farce, Hellsqueal. She continues to hold an appreciation for the arts of all varieties and continues to support them as regularly as she can.

Looking For –––

Friends. Laeynna needs friends!

Would also love frenemies, potential people from Laeynna's past (especially people she wronged), bad influences??, other pre-established connections (with discussion).

I like making connections with other players and really want to build relationships with other characters. I believe in organic development and will roleplay pretty much anything on the spectrum from joyful, domestic bliss to tragedy and anguish to murder and other reprehensible things. (I am pretty not good at writing combat; sorry in advance!)

I love the exploration and the growth between characters and their dynamics, be it positive, negative, or in some grey place.

Contact –––

You can contact me with IC or OOC things on the below: In-game Mail / Tells / Messages Tumblr Asks / Messages If you have my discord name, please feel free to reach out to me, especially if we share a discord server. (I don't hand this out, but I'll give it to people I've played with before.)